Breathing Into You
by SereneCalamity
Summary: Clary was a carefree university student, who split her time between classes, painting in her cheap apartment, drinking with her friends, and getting high with an older guy named Jace. Clace.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys! So I'm back with a new story! I am going on a bit of a hiatus after I post this, but I'll be back with a regular updating schedule next year!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story._

Clarissa Fray bit down on her lower lip, eyebrows pulling together in concentration as she stared down at the drawing in front of her. It was in charcoal, and that was one of her favourite mediums, although what she was working on wasn't something that she was planning on using in her portfolio. The art professor she had for this course, Dorothea Rollins, was pretty relaxed with how they worked. She had had Madame Dorothea last year as well, and so she had already built up a rapport with her, and she was a bit more relaxed about what Clary and her friend, Lydia Branwell, did in class.

Which meant that while a couple of the first years who had to be combined with Clary and the other second years had to be completely focused on their work and sticking to their curriculum, Clary and Lydia had their headphones in and were getting side tracked on some drawings that they had started in their free time.

That was especially good since it was Friday, and it was already two in the afternoon. Clary got to the point where she had started skipping most of her lessons on Friday's, but she made a point to come to this one because it wasn't as though there was much expected. Lydia was actually high, covering it up really badly with a pair of big sunglasses and attempting not to fall off her stool, and Clary was leaning over and poking her in the ribs every twenty minutes or so to make sure she wasn't falling asleep.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she pulled it out to see a text from her roommate and best friend, Simon Lewis, asking her to pick up some cupcakes from the adorable little store that was on her way home. He must have been having a bad day, because the cupcakes cost about seven dollars each, and Simon was stingy as hell when it came to his money.

"Lydia," Clary hissed as she caught Lydia almost tipping sideways off her stool, her hand almost smearing across the charcoal sketch in front of her.

"Yeah! I'm awake! I'm having a fucking lovely afternoon!" Lydia's voice perked up, her jerking upward and looking around. Clary snorted and glanced around to see if anyone had heard the blonde's reaction. Lydia frowned when she saw it was just Clary staring at her, and raised an eyebrow behind the fly eyed sunglasses. "What's going on?"

"You wanna bail? I'm done here, and Simon wants cupcakes," she said.

"Ooh, _Sprinkle Palace_ cupcakes?" Lydia grinned.

" _Sprinkle Palace_ cupcakes," Clary confirmed.

"Fuck yeah," Lydia slid off her stool, running her fingers through her long, blonde hair and shaking it over her shoulder and starting to pack up her art supplies. Clary did the same, and then the two of them were slipping out the back of the studio. Clary and Simon had been friends and also living together long enough that they had exchanged their spare debit cards with each other for times like this.

The University was busy, students laughing and walking around, a lot of them with books, some with laptops, a ridiculous amount with Starbucks coffee cups in hand. It was all pretty cliched and kind of awesome.

Clary loved it.

She loved everything about it.

She loved the freedom that came with being here, even though her parents were never over-bearing or restrictive as she grew up. She loved living with her best friend, who she got sick of sometimes and fought with on a semi-weekly basis, but didn't regret moving in with him. She loved her classes and being around people who got her love for sketching, and painting, and making things come to life on the paper or canvas in front of her. She loved the new friends she had made and surrounded herself with. She loved the girls and boys that she had fooled around with as she experimented and had fun. She loved getting drunk on Saturday nights and riding out the hangover by getting high and stuffing her face with greasy food. She loved the dinners she would have with Simon and Lydia and Raphael Santiago of ramen and cheap wine because they were too broke to afford anything else. And she loved how the grumpy, hot guy who owned one of the popular student bars in town and lived a few blocks away from her and Simon didn't glare at her all the time anymore.

Life was pretty damn good.

"I think I'm gonna buy the whole store," Lydia said decidedly. "I hardly have any money until our allowance comes through next Tuesday, but I think I'm gonna spend every last cent on cupcakes."

"That's sounds like a totally mature and responsible use of money," Clary replied wryly.

"I definitely think so," Lydia grinned widely, leaning in to smush a kiss against Clary's cheek as they linked arms together and walked off campus. Clary and Simon's apartment building was five blocks away from campus, just far enough away that they were outside the student housing zone, but close enough that they didn't need to use public or private transport to get to and from University. _Sprinkle Palace_ was popular with everyone who knew where it was hidden behind a bookstore and a little international grocery store, and most of the cupcakes had been sold by the time the girls had got there, as the time edged on three-thirty.

"Me first!" Lydia shoved her hip into Clary's side, pushing in front of her. The red head rolled her eyes and laughed, looking over the glass cabinet in front of her. Luckily enough there were still a couple of Jaffa As flavoured cupcakes there, which were Simon's favourite. He had asked her to get a Mousse-A-Licious as well, which was Raphael's favourite, so undoubtedly he was at their apartment as well. "Can I get two Bloody Berry's?" Lydia asked. "And can I also get a couple of slices of the passionfruit fudge? And also some of the boysenberry ripple fudge? Oh, and also one of the Coco-Crazy cupcakes?" Clary rolled her eyes and smothered a laugh.

"And can I please get two of the Jaffa As, two of the Mousse-A-Licious and one of the Lemonator's?" Clary added, speaking over Lydia's shoulder. As the girl behind the counter was gathering up their food, Clary turned to her friend. "Shit, you got the munchies, girl."

"Maybe just a little," Lydia giggled.

"You got enough of that stuff to share with me when we get home?" Clary wiggled her eyebrows.

"Nope," Lydia cringed. "Sorry, I smoked the rest of my stash." They fell quiet for a moment as they accepted their cupcakes and fudge, and paid for their food, and then left the store. "Anyway, why would you want my bud when you get that premium shit from lover boy?" Clary rolled her eyes at the nickname.

"Don't call him that," was all she said, and Lydia shrugged. Lydia's cravings were clearly getting the better of her, because she wasn't even going to wait the five minute walk back to Clary and Simon's apartment before pulling the first cupcake out of the back and sinking her teeth into it with an orgasmic moan.

"Holy shit," she groaned, closing her eyes and her steps getting a little unbalanced. Clary quickly hooked her arm around her friends waist to get her walking in a straight line again. "Holy shit, I forget how good these are. And then you have the first bite and it's just so. _fucking. good_." Clary laughed and glanced over at her friend, who know had pink and red icing gathered at the corners of her mouths. Clary reached over licked at one corner, the side closest to her, and Lydia laughed, turning her face so that their lips met for a brief moment before they were both giggling and pulling apart.

"Come on," Clary urged. "We need to get home or else Simon will throw a hissy fit." Lydia nodded, trying to shove more of the cupcake into her mouth as they picked up the pace. They reached their apartment building and took the stairs to the third floor because the the elevator was temperamental, and after getting stuck in it for a fourth time, the group had decided that they weren't going to risk it again. The apartment building definitely wasn't the flashest option around, but it was still nice, and Simon and Clary were lucky that they had been able to make enough money on their gap year to be able to afford their own place. A lot of University students had to live at home, or in houses or apartments with five or six other people, or in the shitty, run down holes that hardly had any hot water and were barely big enough to turn around in. Because Simon and Clary had taken a year to work their asses off before applying to University, they had been able to save so that they had a nice place, and she was glad for that.

"We're here, mother fuckers!" Lydia crowed as Clary unlocked the front door and the two girls walked inside.

"Fucking finally!" Simon huffed and got up from the overstuffed couch in the lounge and loped over to them, holding out his hand for the bag of cupcakes. Clary handed them over, proffering her cheek for her welcoming home kiss. Raphael was slouched in one of the armchairs, and Lydia skipped over to him, sitting on his lap and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"Thank God you're here," Raphael groaned. "I was going crazy—I swear this guy actually _enjoys_ studying."

"I _do_ enjoy studying," Simon made a face at his friend. "I'm taking a degree in something I _like_ so yeah, I like learning about it."

"Dude, it's _Math_ ," Raphael cringed as he was handed his cupcake and he bit into it. "This is heaven." Lydia finally took off her sunglasses, now that they were away from the public and no one was going to stare at her bloodshot eyes. She was coming down from her high now, and Clary could see that she was getting a little sleepy. Simon's accounting work sheets and thick books were spread across the coffee table, and Raphael's contribution was obvious—the two bottles of beer on the ground.

"Tell me we're going out tonight!" Clary announced as she pulled out the Lemonator cupcake and then collapsed onto the couch, snuggling up next to Simon when he leaned back into the cushions.

"I've got a date with Maureen," Simon mumbled, knowing the reaction from everyone in the room before it even happened.

"Oh, come on!"

"No—not Maureen!"

"Why?!"

"You don't even like her that much?!"

"She's so annoying!"

"And she stares at you like she has a shrine of you in her basement!"

"Okay, okay, come on," Simon glanced around them with a warning look, although there was really no heat behind the look. "She's nice."

"She's weird," Clary grunted. "And she thinks that me and you are sleeping together! She gets all jealous and weird whenever I'm around."

"To be fair, we _did_ sleep together," Simon pointed out.

"Yeah, when we were fifteen! To get rid of our virginity's! It doesn't even count!" Clary protested. Raphael snorted through a mouthful of his cupcake.

"That's cold, Clare. Real cold," he pointed a finger over at her. "Taking that away from a man like that."

"You're just jealous coz you're the only one in this room who hasn't slept with her," Lydia poked him in the side. Raphael just rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything else. "Anyway! Apart from Simon being all boring and shit, what about the three of us? We could give Mags a call? Go out to _MJ'_ s?"

"Sounds good," Clary nodded enthusiastically.

"And we can totally stare at your lover boy if there's no hot guys there," Lydia laughed as she leaned forward in Raphael's lap. "He's always there on a Friday night."

 _Alright! So, my recommendations this time...Songwise, the ones I've had on repeat are;_ Somebody New _, by Cedric Gervais. Fucking loooove it, my husband hates it, but I play it loud as hell when I'm the only one in the car. Haha._ First Time _by Kygo and Ellie Goulding, this one is cute and sweet, makes me think back to being a teenager. Then there's_ Easy _by Sky Ferreira, which is just beautiful, from the movie_ Baby Driver _, and the last one is_ Too Much To Ask _by Niall Horan, which is just so pretty._

 _Movie wise, I've recently seen_ Kingsmen 2 _, which was fucking great, although my favourite character...*quietly sobs in corner*. Also_ It _, which was great as well, the kids were all so fucking brilliant in that movie, and I have to admit, I ship Reddie. I think they're absolutely adorable. Bill Skarsgard did an amazing job. And then tomorrow, I'll be seeing_ Thor: Ragnorok _! It looks amazing, so fingers crossed._

 _And then in the TV show area, I've just started watching_ The Gifted _, which is pretty good so far. Also binged the second season of_ Shooter _, which I've really enjoyed, and I hope that there's more! Another one is_ Wynonna Earp, _which took me a while to get into, but I love it now. Wynonna and Waverly are just fucking amazing. And then there's just the general shows that I've been keeping up with, like_ How To Get Away With Murder, Gotham _and_ NCIS: Los Angeles _, all of which are great._

 _So! Let me know what you guys think of the chapter, let me know if you guys have any prompts or songs you want me to write about (any of the fandoms I'm in, check my profile, and keep in mind I will try to write them, but can't guarantee all of them) and absolutely recommend any songs, movies, tv shows or fics to me!_

 _There's a preview of the next chapter for a review... xxx_


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm back! We're 2018! It does_ not _feel like it at all. Haha. It still feels like 2017. Anyway, I hope that you all had a great Christmas and New Years, fun but safe (even though that make me sounds like a mum). Mine started well and then I had a bit of an accident which is taking a while to recover from, but we'll get there. And I hope that the first month of 2018 has been great! I've got a few concerts coming up which I'm psyched about—Ed Sheeran, Pink and Halsey, so that's awesome._

 _Now, my official updating schedule is kicking off from February, this update is just to get all my stories updated and get my oneshots posted. Check out my profile for the schedule. There are a variety of oneshots posted in quite a few categories, so make sure you check them out, along with my profile for the updating schedule going forward!_

"Mags!" Lydia screamed to be heard over the pounding music as she caught sight of Magnus Bane coming into the club. Magnus was two years older than the pair of them, and he had graduated University last year with a degree in fashion. He had opened up an adorable boutique in the city, and his style was unmatched. Clary and Magnus had slept together a couple of times; they had been high when they first met and it had been a good time, so they had done it a few more times before deciding that they were better off friends. Besides, even though Magnus was bisexual, he was definitely at the higher end of the Kinsey scale.

"Hey, my pretties," Magnus greeted them, flashing his bright smile at Lydia, Raphael and Clary as he joined them. This week he had purple streaks in his dark hair, and his eyeliner matched, and he reached forward to kiss them all firmly on the mouths. Raphael had been uncomfortable with Magnus' blatant displays of affection the first time they met, but now he sort of just shrugged them off. "And we're missing Sir Nerd-A-Lot?" He raised an eyebrow as he glanced around, looking for Simon.

"He's out with Maureen," Clary made a face.

"Ick," Magnus agreed with the rest of them on their assessment of the girl Simon had been casually dating. "Oh well, his loss. You guys already started drinking?"

"Of course," Clary smirked at him. "But we're ready for the next round."

"Let's go!" Magnus spun on his heel and stalked toward the bar of the club. It was already busy, the club filled with girls dressed in tiny skirts and tights tops and boys in low cut v-neck shirts. Lights were spinning around and casting spotlights on drunken people as they groped at each other and moved in a gyrating mass. _MJ's_ was one of the more popular clubs in town, with both college students as well older people who were in the workforce. The drinks were reasonably cheap, but they didn't skimp on the alcohol like a lot of places did, and the air conditioning was a constant, while lots of other clubs only ran it intermittently. The bathrooms were always clean, someone coming in every hour or so to check, and the bouncers weren't over bearing, but their presence was always noted, so fights rarely ever broke out and girls could dance without being harassed to much. It still happened, of course, but the owner had no qualms about loosing the business of a couple of drunk kids if it meant that a girl wasn't going to be grabbed at against her will.

The owner was another reason why this place was so popular.

He was there most nights, working behind the bar with his staff, and he was drop dead fucking gorgeous.

He also had this perpetual frown on his face, as though he hated everyone and everything, and that just seemed to make him more attractive, to both males and females.

There had been several long and memorable drunken nights when Magnus had droned on about all the things that he wanted to do to the owner of the bar, going into detail that even made _Clary_ feel a little uncomfortable, and that took a lot. The guy was a few years older than them, maybe twenty-eight or twenty-nine, and he had a tendency to wear a pair of jeans that looked painted on and tight tee-shirts with v-necks that made peoples mouths water when they lined up at the bar to be served by him.

Whether or not he actually went home with any of these people who gave him sex eyes and dropped innuendo's into every sentence was a mystery to everyone.

Or at least, to most people.

Not particularly to Clary.

Because for some reason, he didn't seem to hate Clary as much as everyone else.

She definitely had no idea what it was about herself that made her worthy of not being glared at one hundred percent of the time—still about ninety percent, but not one hundred, like everyone else—but he let her smoke his premium bud and sleep on his super comfortable couch and sometimes he even made her dinner.

"Come on, Clare Bear," Raphael nudged her in the side as they reached the bar and had to line up behind a trio of girls in matching white dresses that barely covered their asses and pushed their tits up close to their throats. "Work your magic on lover boy and get us to the front of the queue."

"Don't call him that," Clary rolled her eyes and crossed her arms stubbornly across her chest. "Besides, it's not like that." And it _wasn't_. It was a little strange actually, but she wasn't going to question it. The only time she had dinners that weren't thrown together in a haphazard mess was when she was at his place, and she would take what she could get. Magnus charmed one of the men who was standing a few people in front of them in queue, and the next thing they knew, he had managed to jump ahead to the front and then their drinks were being poured.

Clary hadn't managed to catch the owners eye yet, he was busy wiping down the bench where all the drinks got made, his eyebrows pulled together in their normal furrow. She paused for a moment longer, waiting to see if he would see her, but he seemed busy, so she turned around and joined her friends.

The night went well.

Raphael ended up ditching them relatively quickly, finding a dark haired girl with a seductive smile and a far too tight dress that looked as though she would let him take her home and do all sorts of things to her. Or at least that's what he said.

Magnus and the two girls danced in a little threeway bundle for a few hours, sweaty and drunk and laughing. Lydia was definitely the most drunk out of them, pretty much only able to keep standing because she was being held up by her two friends. Around midnight, after they had thrown back their umpteenth number of tequila shots, Lydia pushed her tongue down Clary's throat and pushed her up against Magnus' chest. The pair of them making out wasn't anything unusual, hell—all three of them making out wasn't particularly unusual. Magnus laughed, making sure to keep his hands around the pair of them so that they didn't go falling over.

Clary loved kissing.

Kissing girls was actually better than kissing boys most of the time. Their lips were softer and they generally tasted better. And her and Lydia had been making out since the first party they had ever gone to together. They had gone further than kissing a couple of times as well, when they were both horny and there was no one else they wanted to go home with, but then the next day, they comfortably settled back to being just friends.

Clary was actually relatively certain that Lydia had a thing for Raphael, and he for her, they were just to stupid to admit it to each other.

So until then, she was more than happy to get a few kisses when she was drunk and feeling frisky.

Maybe part of the reason she was turned on tonight was because the owner of the bar had finally noticed her being there. It was about an hour ago, when she had gone up to get another round of drinks. She was being served by the blonde bartender, who had a high pitched voice and a ridiculously wide smile, when the owner had stopped next to the bartender to say something to her, and his eyes and shifted over to her. His eyebrows raised a little, and he tilted his head forward in a slight nod, and then he had walked off.

A greeting that wouldn't even register when it came to most people, but had plastered a smile on Clary's face because it had come from him.

It wasn't that she liked him and wanted to hold his hand in public and draw hearts around their names. Of course, she wanted to get in his pants, because he looked like the kind of guy who knew what he was doing, but she was actually totally okay with whatever agreement they had going on now. She would go over to his place, they would smoke up together, she would talk way too much and he would listen. Sometimes when she was bored in class, she would text him, and he would send back stupid memes that completely ruined this bad boy, mysterious vibe he was trying to give off to everyone. When she was hungover and there were too many people in their apartment—their friends just showed up unannounced a lot of the time and took a long time to leave—he would let her come over to his and take a shower and then collapse in a pile.

Once again, _of course she still wanted to get in his pants._

So when she caught him looking at her a while later, when her and Lydia and Magnus were all dancing together, she felt a flare of heat in the pit of her stomach that she knew wasn't going to go away any time soon. He wasn't interested in her that way—that was clear, or he would have already made his move—so she figured she could make out with Lydia for a bit, and then get herself off when she got home.

Sex toys.

Another thing she loved about University.

Not that the sex toys themselves had anything to do with University itself, but living away from home so that there wasn't a fear of her mum coming into her room to borrow one of her shirts and finding a vibrator hidden in her drawer was definitely a plus.

Magnus found a cute guy and the pair of them started rubbing up against each other in a way that made it very clear that they were going to go home together. Lydia then had that final drink that tipped her over the edge and Clary spent the next half an hour holding back the blondes hair as she threw up in the toilet. That part of the evening didn't put a damper on Magnus' night or the plans he clearly had, because the two boys were still grabbing at each others asses and looked as though they were eating each others faces off.

Clary had to admit, the dark haired guy he was making out with was bloody gorgeous, and she wouldn't let anything come between getting him back into bed either. Magnus always had great taste; lovers included.

Well, of course he did.

He had been with her.

Clary giggled to herself at her thought, reflecting dimly at the back of her mind that she must have gotten drunker than she had originally planned, because she didn't usually laugh out loud when she was thinking funny thoughts.

Instead of going back to her and Simon's apartment, all four of them piled into a taxi and ended up back at Magnus's. One of the things that Clary would forever love about Magnus is the fact that even though he was clearly determined to get laid, and most definitely would by the beautiful dark haired man, he was still dragging them back to his place so that he could make sure they didn't choke on their vomit in the middle of the night.

The two boys had to practically carry Lydia up to Magnus' apartment, Clary following behind them, her eyes swinging between the asses of Magnus' and his lover for the night, appreciating them both, before choking back a laugh as Lydia gripped the hair of the dark haired boy and told him that she wanted to have his babies. Thankfully, the guy just laughed as they waited for Magnus to fumble with the key in the lock, and then all four of them stumbled into the apartment. Magnus and his man made sure Lydia was laid out on the couch with a glass of water and a bowl, Magnus grabbed out a few blankets for the pair of them, and then he whispered to Clary to only interrupt if Lydia needed medical attention because he wanted the man to do all sorts of things to his ass.

Clary grinned and wiggled her eyebrows, saying that at least one of them was going to get off tonight. Then she curled up on the couch that was beside Lydia's one and tried to go to sleep. It was a little bit difficult given she was still turned on and she could blatantly hear Magnus and the guy he was with.

She sighed, closing her eyes and listening to the two boys grunting on the other side of the wall.

 _Okay! Let me know what you guys thought! Let me know if you liked it, if you didn't, what your favourite part was, etc etc._

 _Alright, now I've got so many song and movie recommendations given the gap in updating, so I'll limit it down. Movie wise,_ The Last Jedi _and_ The Greatest Showman _are both absolutely incredibly. Especially_ TGS _. Holy shit, the songs and the costumes and the dances, they were all amazing. I don't even know what my favourite songs from it is..._ This Is Me, Rewrite The Stars, Never Enough, From Now On _...I just don't know! And TV series recommendations would be_ The Gifted, Black Lightning _and_ The Runaways.

 _Songwise,_ I'm Gonna Show You Crazy _by Bebe Rexha,_ Him and I _by Halsey and G-Eazy,_ Missing You _by Blake McGrath,_ Never Enough _from The Greatest Showman,_ My My My _by Troye Sivan,_ Dynasty _by MIIA and_ Phases _by French Montana._

 _Let me know what your own recommendations are! I note down all your song, TV series and movies suggestions so I can get around to them when I have time!_

 _Make sure you check out my other updates and let me know if you want a preview of the next chapter xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_An update! Just a quick heads up that this one is a slow burn :)_

 _PS - Sorry about the multiple updates if you guys are getting multiple alerts for this, for some reason I keep getting errors which is why it keeps getting reposted. Sigh..._

"How did you guys get back? I was fully prepared for you to ring me and need a pick up," Simon commented when Clary and Lydia walked in the front door. Or at least, Clary walked and Lydia sort of stumble-fell onto the couch and promptly went back to sleep.

"Kaelie came around to see Magnus," Clary replied, rubbing a hand over her face. "When she got there and heard what I had to be listening to all night and then all morning, she said that she would come back later and offered to give us a ride." Simon raised his eyebrow at her as he sipped his coffee, grumbling under his breath as she crowded into his personal space an stole the cup of coffee from him, swallowing down a few mouthfuls at once. "Well, there were heaps of moans and groans and bumps and _oh, Alexander, oh, fuck me harder,_ " Clary smirked and Simon let out a short laugh. "Seriously, though, who calls their one night stand 'Alexander' in the middle of sex? Can't you go with a nickname or something?"

"Yeah, but since when does Magnus do what everyone else will do?" Simon reasoned. "Wait, you said all night and then all morning."

"You heard me," Clary sighed and stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "And now I'm fucking horny as shit." Simon just huffed out a laugh and shook his head.

"Why are you horny?"

"I was turned on last night, and then ended up at Magnus', in the lounge—and you know how funny Mags is with people getting it on on the his expensive furniture—and then I had to listen to those two fucking all night, and they were damn well having a good time—"

"So you got turned on listening to two guys having sex?" Simon sounded utterly confused and Clary shrugged.

"Yeah? And? Two people having sex and _both_ of them clearly having _good_ sex? And I know at least one of them is bloody good, since I've been with Magnus," she sighed and took another drink of coffee. "And are you saying that if it was you listening to two girls having sex you wouldn't be turned on?" Simon pursed his lips together in a slightly guilty smirk and she raised her eyebrows purposefully at him. "Exactly—I know what kind of porn you watch. You can't lie to someone who's known you your whole life and can hear what's playing on your lap top through the thin walls of this apartment." Simon cheeks reddened a little which just made Clary's smirk grow. "I'm going to go and have a shower. I'm still all sweaty and shit from last night," she handed back his practically empty cup and started walking toward the door leading down the hall.

"I know that's not all you're going to do in that shower!" Simon called after her but Clary ignored him. The only response he got was a grumble and a hiss from Lydia as she rolled over on the couch, trying to hide her head under one of the cushions.

Yeah, so her and _MJ_ owner weren't a thing.

Hell, they weren't even really friends.

They just sort of...Hung out on a reasonably regular basis.

But whatever the case, he was her go to when she was getting herself off by herself in the shower. His long fingers and sure touch, his eyes that were furious most of the time but occasionally turned into this warm puddle, his luscious, full mouth...Clary let out a moan as she felt the pressure in the pit of her stomach release, stickiness flooding down her thighs and mingling with the warm water from the shower before washing down the drain.

Wasn't quite as much as a relief as being with someone, but it would do for now.

They didn't have plans to go out Saturday night, but Raphael text them just after five and said that he was meeting up with a couple of the guys in his engineering class at a bar to play darts. Lydia wiggled into one of Clary's dresses, even though there were a few sizes between them so it was quite tight around her chest, and they even managed to drag Simon away from studying for a quiz he had next week.

Darts at the bar ended up in going back to one of the fraternity houses, and Simon's glasses were stolen by a pretty blonde girl who seemed to have a thing for nerds. Maureen would undoubtedly have a field day with the pictures when they went up on Facebook, but it wasn't as though she had any claim of him. They were only casually dating, thankfully Simon had managed to stay firm on that front, and Clary, Lydia, Raphael and Magnus kept trying to push him toward cutting any ties he had with her.

The perky blonde seemed like a step in the right direction. She dragged Simon upstairs for a few hours, and when he came back down with the buttons of his shirt all down askew and his hair a complete mess, a grin plastered on his face.

A hot dark haired guy kept bringing Clary and Lydia drinks, his hands every now and then drifting over their shoulders and their lower backs, clearly with a plan for all three of them in his head. Clary and Lydia exchanged looks, giggling and accepting drinks, giving each other a few kisses so that the boy had something to remember them by after they left—and _not_ with him. They were all pretty drunk, but they got back to Simon and Clary's apartment in one piece some time around three. They choked back bottles of water, knowing that it would help with the hangover in the morning, and then Lydia curled up in Clary's bed with her, Simon in his own, and Raphael on the couch.

The next day was spent on the couch with Simon on one side and a mainly sleeping Lydia on her other side, Raphael on the arm chair with a blanket over him and his feet propped up on the coffee table. They ordered pizza for lunch and Clary and Raphael ventured out onto their tiny balcony to smoke a cigarette after they finished the whole thing off. It was almost six when she got a text. She couldn't be bothered reaching over to where her phone was plugged in at the wall, a little out of arms length, because she felt warm where she was snuggled under a blanket between her friends. It vibrated again a few minutes later and Lydia leaned over and grabbed it, letting out an excited noise as she tugged it off the charger and handed it over.

"It's your man," she sung out, sounding a bit more awake than she did now. Clary felt a little jump in her stomach as she took the phone from her friend and looked at it.

 _Not working tonight._

And then there was the second one.

 _Dinner?_

His texts were always short and to the point. Flipping her thumb over her screen so that she could look back on their earlier conversations, her green bubbles of text were always so much bigger than his one or two lined grey bubbles.

 _Sounds bloody brilliant. I'll be there in about half an hour. I should at least try to drag a brush through my hair and look presentable, right? Kind of look mess right now._

His reply was quick.

 _K._

"This guy sure knows how to make a girl feel special," she snorted at his response.

"You going over there?" Lydia asked as Clary got off the couch and stretched her arms above her head.

"He's gonna cook me dinner," Clary grinned and wiggled her eyebrows.

"There's gotta be something wrong with this dude," Raphael piped up lazily. "I mean, totally willing to feed you for free and shit and not even expect you to blow him?"

"Maybe he's just a gentleman?" Clary suggested. "Not that I expect you to even know the meaning of that word." Raphael rolled his eyes and went back to watching TV, not particularly interested.

"That's so not fair," Lydia stuck out her lower lip in a pout. "I need an older guy who's good at cooking and lets me smoke his weed and sleep over without even expecting anything in return." Clary shrugged and skipped out of the room. It was a weird arrangement that she didn't even totally understand herself, so she wasn't about to have a big discussion about it, even though her friends pushed it all the time. She pulled a brush through her hair, getting it at least a bit tamer than it had been before and then changed out of the singlet she was wearing and into a hoodie and a pair of loose mini-shorts shorts that made her ass look amazing but were also ridiculously comfortable to sleep in.

"I'll see you guys later," Clary said as she walked through the lounge.

"You gonna be home tonight?" Simon asked as she opened the front door.

"Maybe," she shrugged.

"Text me if you need a ride," he told her before she shut the door and started walking down the hall of their apartment buildings. Simon always made sure to offer her a ride when she went out. He had definitely been nervous the first few times she had gone over to the club owners apartment, which was understandable, but he seemed to be a little more trusting now.

The apartment block was a good twenty minute walking away. Sometimes he would come and pick her up, or Simon would drop her off, but it was a nice evening and the sun was still warming the air, and so she was more than happy to walk. He was older than them by a few years and also better off financially because, obviously, most people were financially better off that students, and he lived in a building that used to be an industrial building that got made into a couple of spacious apartments, and he was in the loft. It was a gorgeous space, massive with floor to ceiling windows, the kitchen and lounge all open plan before leading down a hallway to a large bathroom, a study which doubled as a personal gym and a bathroom.

Clary pressed her finger against the buzzer was she waited for the door to be opened, and he gave her access without a word. Not that she was particularly surprised, he was definitely more the strong, silent type. She took the elevator up to the fifth floor and knocked twice on the large wooden door. She heard footsteps coming toward her, and then the door swung open and he glanced her up and down.

"Hey, Jace," Clary sung out as she skipped past him, and into the loft. "So what's for dinner?"

 _Okay._

 _So, I had my movie/TV show/song recommendations all written up, but then Wednesday happened, and I kind of wanted to say something and it didn't seem right to put them in here along with this._

 _So...I'm going to start this with; I don't understand. I can't comprehend. I have absolutely no idea what the people and the families of those involved in the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida are going through. I can't even imagine what...What they're feeling or how they're doing._

 _I just...I don't even know how to put what I personally feel into words, and then I think about how shit and selfish that is, because I'm halfway around the world, and yet there are people who were_ there _, people who were_ in that school _, and they've been incredibly brave by doing interviews or getting out there via social media about what they went through, and what_ needs to happen _. I watched an interview with one boy who put it well, "We are children. You guys are the adults. Work together, get over your politics and get something done."_

Yes _._

 _Where I live, the last time we had a mass shooting—which is defined where four or more people selected indiscriminately, not including the perpetrator, are killed—was in 1997. In my life time, there have only been three. From what I understand, there have been_ eight school shootings this year alone _in the US. I just—I can't even understand that._

 _I don't usually put things up about national/international events, but there were kids my baby brothers age...There were_ fourteen year olds who were killed _. How do we live in a world where someone can do that? I was absolutely bawling my eyes out when I was reading the updates and watching the videos that kids had posted and I just...I don't understand._

 _I just wanted to say I'm sorry._

 _To anyone who is directly or indirectly affected._

 _To anyone who lives in the US and this is a constant fear for you._

 _Because that's really all I can say xx_


	4. Chapter 4

_An update! About a week earlier than I planned, but I'm going away this weekend and then quite busy next week, so I thought I would update now! Also, part of the reason I'm busy next week is because it's my birthday! So here's an early birthday present from me to you xx_

"You're in a good mood," Jace Wayland noted as Clary toed off her shoes and kicked them over to where his own shoes were neatly stacked on the shoe rack. He was ridiculously neat and tidy, she made fun of him constantly for it, asking how he managed to get through his work days at the club without a hernia, given how many people were spilling drinks and making a mess. Jace would usually just roll his eyes at her and mutter that he wasn't _that_ much of a neat freak, to which she point out his alphabetically arranged spice rack. And bookshelf. And DVD shelf.

"Yeah, well, you always feed me well," Clary teased as she waltzed into the kitchen, following her nose to the stove top and lifting up the lid of the frying pan, taking in a deep breath. "Shit, this smells good."

"I thought you would be hungover," Jace pointed out, in a very knowing voice as he followed her into the kitchen, his face expressionless, which was pretty much his default setting. It had taken her a while to realize that this was just _him_ , and he didn't look like that because she was completely imposing in his personal space and time.

Because if that was the case, then he wouldn't keep inviting her over and occasionally smiling at her.

Or, giving her _half_ smiles, which were a big accomplishment for the man.

"Oh, don't let this sunny smile fool you," Clary snorted as she put the lid of the frying pan back down and then opened up the door to his fridge, pulling out a glass bottle of lemonade from inside and snapping off the lid. "I am most definitely hungover. Been sleeping most of the day while watching re-runs of _Knight Rider_." Jace rolled his eyes and pulled out two plates from the cupboard and put them on the island counter top and then set about dishing up dinner. "So what's cooking, good looking?" Jace rolled his eyes again, but there was a pull at the corner of his mouth.

"Pan-roasted chicken, squash and chard salad with bacon vinaigrette," he recited back to her.

"Shit, that sounds amazing," Clary finished off almost the whole bottle of lemonade and then looked down at the mouth watering meal that he began to dish up. "Seriously, we were probably going to have macaroni cheese for dinner. And that cheese was going to come out of a ready made mix in a paper bag." Jace screwed up his nose in distaste at the idea and Clary grinned at him. "Come on. We're just poor Uni students—what do you expect?!" Jace just shook his head, finishing off dishing up their meal and pushing one over to Clary.

"Have some vitamin water," he said to her pointedly, shaking his head at the soda in her hand. "It'll help replace everything that you've flushed out of your system while you were drinking last night."

"Yes, _dad_ ," Clary mocked him gently as she tossed away the empty bottle and then found a vitamin water in the fridge, following Jace into the lounge area. The loft was absolutely gorgeous, and maybe it should look messy, given the dining room, and the kitchen and the lounge were all in one open plan area. But with the way Jace kept his place looking, it looked great, and even better when the sun was coming in and flooding through the loft made it all look soft and warm.

"Any requests?" Jace asked as they sat down on the couch and he made himself comfortable at one end, Clary at the other.

"Ooh! Let's watch _Brooklyn Nine-Nine_!"

"We're already up to date with that!" Jace protested, but he was already scrolling through his Netflix feed. "It was that episode where he had the perps singing _I Want It That Way_." Clary snorted at that, because she had had the song stuck in her head for hours afterwards and had kept humming it, driving Jace insane.

"So? Is there some law saying we can't go back to the beginning and watch it again?" Clary poked her tongue out at him, the silver piercing in her mouth glinting. "Because me and Andy Samburg have this relationship that can't be matched, and I happen to know for a fact that Rosa Diaz is your spirit animal." There was another twitch at Jace's mouth as he started the show from season one again.

"Rosa Diaz is a goddess," Jace mumbled as he shoved his first mouthful of food into his mouth and Clary grinned over at him. While he didn't usually talk more than he had to, every now and then he would make comments that made Clary feel all warm and happy, glad that he was coming out of his shell with her. They ate in relative silence, Clary occasionally letting out a groan of appreciation in regards to either the food, or something that Andy Samburg did on screen. Once they finished, Jace took the dishes back into the kitchen, and Clary skipped after him, helping wash the dishes and put them away, and then they convened back in the lounge, resuming the show.

Sometime around seven, Jace pulled out the wooden box he kept in the side table beside the couch where he kept his drug stash.

"Do you think two guys having sex is hot?" Clary asked with a tilt of her head, fixing her eyes on Jace as he began to roll a joint, his long fingers deft and experienced. Jace jerked his head up and looked at her questioningly.

"Uh..." he frowned. "What?"

"Well, Magnus—you know, my friend who has the—"

"Clothing store, I know," Jace muttered.

" _Boutique_ ," Clary corrected. "But yeah. Him and this guy were getting in on the other night, and I was already turned on and shit, and so hearing them have sex just made it worse. Anyway, when I was telling Simon, he got all weird about it, didn't understand and shit. So, I thought I'd ask you."

"Me?" Jace raised an eyebrow.

"Well, you're..." she scrunched up her nose. "I don't know, you're older and more experienced and less weird about sex."

"How do you know how I am about sex?" Jace gave her a look and Clary threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Trust me, _everyone_ is less weird about sex than Simon," she replied.

"Didn't you loose your virginity to him?" Jace pointed out as he ran his tongue along the paper of the joint and Clary watched the movement attentively.

"How do you even remember that?" Clary asked in surprise and Jace just shrugged. "Yeah, but that was like a...It was like, let's have sex with each other so that we're no longer virgins, but we're not getting it on with total assholes for the first time. Simon's all good with talking about sex and stuff, but as far as I know, he thinks that having a girl on top is 'adventurous' in bed. He gets embarrassed when I mention the porn I hear him listening to, where the chick is calling the guy 'daddy'." Jace let out a snort at that. "So?"

"So?" Jace glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow.

"So?" Clary pressed. "Do you think it's hot?" Jace stared at her for a long moment as he picked up a lighter, holding it in the other hand to the joint.

"I personally don't," he answered honestly. "I mean, I don't have an issue with it, but I'm not gonna get off on it or anything. But guys find two chicks getting together hot, so I'm guessing it's the same kind of logic, right?" Clary nodded and shuffled closer to him on the couch, her interest in the conversation gone now that he was flicking his thumb over the lighter, the flame dancing for a few seconds before it cut off. Jace lit up the end and stuck it between his lips, taking in a deep breath and holding it in his lungs, before letting out a stream of sweet, hazy smoke.

If Clary stared at his mouth a little bit more intensely than polite, she would blame it on the fact that she had been wanting to get high all day.

He took another puff, the end of the joint glowing a cherry red and the paper crackling a little, before he passed it over to her. Clary inhaled, the thick smoke filling her lungs as she closed her eyes, enjoying the first hit. When she finally opened her eyes and let out the long breath of smoke, Jace was watching her with a glint in his eyes. She wiggled her eyebrows at him and he just let out a huff that could be mistaken for a laugh, before turning back to the TV.

They passed the joint back and forth until Clary sucked in the last hit, her fingers heating up with being so close to the roach. As she held in the smoke, she glanced over at Jace, who was slumped back on the couch, his eyes a little bloodshot and his gaze unfocused. She put the roach in a little glass bowl on the coffee table, and reached out to balance herself with an arm against Jace's shoulder and leaned in close to him.

Jace turned his head toward her questioningly before realizing what she was implying, and he leaned into her. Their lips met, and just like every other time, Clary felt this spark that ran through her body, to the tips of her fingers and the end of her toes. As usual, she ignored it, breathing into Jace's parted lips. They lingered a few beats longer than normal, their mouths barely touching, before Jace moved back, leaning back onto the sofa and letting out a long breath.

Jace was even less talkative when they were high, which was fine, because Clary had adapted to that. There were days when she wouldn't _stop_ talking, telling him about anything and everything, and then there were days like today, where her body just felt the right amount of heavy. They shared another joint, this time not shot gunning the last hit, and then Clary put _Lilo and Stitch_ on as she stretched out on the sofa, resting her head in his lap. His fingers idly stroked through her hair, occasionally his thumb touching her jaw and her cheek, tracing her face softly before going back to her hair.

Clary wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but when she did, she felt contently heavy and warm.

 _Songwise; I've become completely addicted to Julia Michaels and Camila Cabello. Recent favourites of Julia Michaels are_ Uh-Huh _and_ Worst In Me _, and for Camila Cabello,_ All These Years, Consequences _and_ Somethings Gotta Give _. Especially_ All These Years _! Also there's_ Homeostasis _by Nostalghia, which is an older one. Ooh, and_ White Flag _by Bishop Briggs, which is absolutely amazing, and was sent through by_ Jling _._

 _I'm also still coming down from my Halsey concert high ;) So anything by her is recommended!_

 _So a couple of movies that I've seen over the past month are_ Ready Player One, Love, Simon, Pacific Rim: Uprising, Red Sparrow _and_ Avengers: Infinity War _._ Pacific Rim _was the typical monster versus robot shit, but no one said it was going to be a masterpiece! Haha. It was good for what it was, a depressing lack of Charlie Hunnam though._ Ready Player One _was a lot better than I though it would be, although my hubby and his friends enjoyed it a lot more than I did, given they got a lot more of the references._ Love, Simon _was beautiful and I recommend to all._ Red Sparrow _was okay, a bit long, and because I'm not the biggest fan of Jennifer Lawrence, that was already a bit of a turn off for me._

 _Now._

Avengers: Infinity War.

 _Holy shit._

 _Amazing._

 _Bucky saying 'Steve'? Okoye's side eye! M'Bakku being strong and beautiful! Steve's introduction to Groot? LOKI?! Spidey and Iron Man's last scene? Shuri's little moment? Wanda and Vision! Steve's BEARD?! Daddy AF. Pretty much everything Drax related. Thor's entry into earth?! Bucky and Rocket's interaction?! Probably a hundred thousand more things that I just don't have time to mention! I've already fangirled hard with_ Allieanna _, we're both pretty heartbroken. If you want to fangirl with me, send me a message, I am_ completely _down for that._

 _Let me know what songs you're listening to, if you've seen any of these movies, what you liked about the chapter or what you didn't like and what you think is going to happen next—leave a review, they keep me going :) Let me know if you want a preview as well xx_


	5. Chapter 5

_Happy Pride Month, beautiful people!_

Clary woke up to the sound of _Bubblegum Bitch_ coming from the alarm set on her phone. She blinked and reached for where it always sat on her nightstand and then let out a huff of annoyance as she realized it wasn't there. Specifically, it wasn't there because there wasn't a nightstand, which meant she must have fallen asleep watching TV in the lounge or in Simon's room. But as her eyes opened, she recognized her surroundings. It was Jace's bedroom, somewhere that she had woken up quite often. She had never purposefully gone to sleep there, it was always when she had fallen asleep on the couch and he carried her in. She had told him time and time again that she had no problem with sleeping on the couch, but he just shrugged, and whenever she fell asleep, she was always in the spacious king sized bed and there would be crumpled blanket on the couch where he had slept.

Clary found her phone, plugged into Jace's charger at the wall, and turned off the alarm. She was still wearing the same clothes as last night, and her eyes widened in shock as she realized that the alarm meant that she was going to be late to her classes that morning, given she would still have to go home and change.

"Shit," she hissed as she quickly walked across the wall to her bathroom and splashed water on her face, glad that she hadn't been wearing make up yesterday so she hadn't woken up with raccoon eyes this morning. There was a spare toothbrush that Clary used whenever she stayed over, and she raked her fingers through her hair. When she walked out to the lounge, her nose twitched at the smell of coffee and her eyes zoned in on the travel mug that was sitting next to an apple.

"I'll give you a ride," Jace said resolutely from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, his iPad laid out in front of him.

"Thank you," Clary flashed a grateful smile as she sipped from the travel mug, the coffee exactly the way that she liked it. Jace finished off his coffee and picked up the cup, walking over to the kitchen to put it in the sink, running water to soak out the mug before he got around to washing it.

"We should probably head off now," he told her quietly. "You've got class in half an hour." Clary nodded and she snatched up the apple. Jace was wearing a pair of faded jeans that clung to his ass and his thighs, and a soft, long sleeved blue shirt. He lead the way out of the apartment, locking it behind them, and then down the stairs, rather than the elevator, to where his car was parked. Clary appreciated how good he looked from behind, and it was even easier to enjoy when he made her coffee so perfectly. "Stop staring at my ass," he muttered without even needing to turn around as they reached the underground level where his car was.

"Make me," Clary shot back at him, a teasing edge to her voice, still letting her eyes linger. She heard a snort from him that made her smile stretch wider as they approached his car. It was a gorgeous black Chevy Camaro 2009 that Clary absolutely loved, although nowhere near as much as he did. Jace treated it like it was his baby, glaring at her the first time she had got in and propped her feet up on the dashboard. She had quickly taken them down, and treated the car with the respect that he expected, which meant never eating while in the car, and putting her travel cup in the cup holder while the car was moving. Jace waited until she had put her seat belt on and then he accelerated out of the underground parking lot.

"I'll give you a lift to the Uni," he told her as they neared her apartment.

"Oh, you don't have to," Clary began.

"I know that," Jace stated. "But I'm doing it anyway." His voice was always completely neutral, and Clary thought at first that it had been because he wasn't interested in her, or he just didn't care. But then that wouldn't make sense, because he had no other reason to keep inviting her around and doing nice things for her. So now, she knew that it was actually just him.

"Thank you," Clary told him, reaching across and prodding his ribs with one finger. He arched his body away from her touch, so she chased after him, poking him in the side a few more times before she finally managed to get an almost grin on his lips. Her phone vibrated on her lap and she picked it up, making a face when she saw the message there. "Shit." Jace didn't ask her what was wrong, simply raised an eyebrow at her. "Lydia isn't the most reliable in the morning. She thought that I would be back, so she expected me to wake her up for class."

"She doesn't know how to work the alarm on her phone?" Jace grunted.

"She does, she just..." Clary shrugged. "I don't know, she just doesn't."

"Not particularly adult of her. She can't rely on you to wake her up every morning for class," Jace indicated to pull over, and then they were parked outside her apartment building. "And I thought you lived with Simon, not Lydia."

"I do, but she lives a few floors down, so I stop by her place to pick her up before we go off to class," Clary replied.

"Well, hurry up, and I'll give you both a lift," Jace turned off the engine and then leaned back in his seat, folding his arms over his chest.

"Thanks," Clary repeated and quickly got out of the car, snatching up the apple to bite into it as she jogged into her apartment. She sent back a reply to Lydia, telling her friend to hurry up and get dressed and they would get a ride into class. The apartment was empty when she opened up the door, which made sense, because Simon had early classes Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror that hung on the wall in their hallway and cringed before quickly going into her bedroom. It didn't take her long to put some foundation on her face, not one to wear too much make up when she was just going to class. She changed into a fresh pair of underwear and bra and a loose mini dress, and then grabbed her satchel from where she had thrown it into the corner of her room.

Lydia text her back and said that she was ready, and so she jogged down the steps to meet her. She lived in the same apartment building as Simon and Clary, although she lived with three other girls to afford the place, which is why she spent a lot of time up at their apartment instead.

"So we're getting a ride with your Sugar Daddy, huh?" Lydia sung out as she met Clary on the landing of her floor.

"Don't call him that," Clary rolled her eyes as she linked her arm through her friends. "Let's go."

"No, but really—what else would we call him?" Lydia protested as they started down the stairs, given the elevator in this place was never in service. "I mean, he's not your boyfriend, and he's not your lover—unless you finally let him in your pants?" Clary just snorted at that which Lydia took as a 'no'. "And he's not your _friend_ because...I don't know, it just doesn't seem to be friendship. So Sugar Daddy it is."

"That makes it seem like a sex thing, and I _do not_ have a kink for that," Clary scrunched up her nose as they reached the front door of their building. Lydia paused when she saw the car parked at the curb and Clary was forced to stop next to her.

"Okay, seriously..." Lydia sighed dreamily and shook her head. "He's beautiful, he feeds you and he drives a car like that? I don't understand why you're not banging him yet!"

"Shut up," Clary pulled on her arm and dragged her to the car. "Okay, Jace, this is Lydia. You've probably seen her a hundred times over when she's drunk and dancing terribly in your club. Lydia this is Jace. You've perved at him a hundred times over when he's pouring people drinks behind the bar." Lydia was completely unabashed by the introduction and just waved enthusiastically while Jace simply nodded his head at her. "Yeah, he doesn't say much," Clary shrugged. "Now get in, we're gonna be late."

"Yeah, sure," Lydia hopped in the backseat and then let out a long groan that bordered on orgasmic and Jace frowned in the rear view mirror at her.

"Just ignore her," Clary told Jace. "She's not used to being in a car that isn't a taxi that smells like puke or a rust bucket that belongs to a student and reeks of weed."

"I resent that!" Lydia cried from the backseat. "I've been in nice cars!" Clary turned to look over her shoulder at her.

"Having sex in a limo at your cousins wedding doesn't count," she told her.

"It sure fucking does!" Lydia shot right back and both girls started laughing. They started talking loudly, words tumbling over each other, and Jace listened to them in silence, a small smile on his face as they spoke. When they reached the University and Jace drove through the car park, both girls quietened down. "We've got..." Lydia looked down at her phone. "We've got six minutes to make it to class."

"That's more than enough time," Clary said as the Camaro came to a stop. "So I'll see you around?" She looked over at Jace and flashed him a smile, which then faltered when she looked down at the coffee mug in the holder between them. "Oh, uh..."

"Take it with you," he told her. "I know you don't function without a full cup in the morning." Her smile was back, almost blinding, and she reached across the centre console to press a kiss to his cheek before getting out of the car. He waited until both she and Lydia were standing on the footpath—getting curious looks from other students—before the engine growled and the expensive car was zooming out of the parking lot. Lydia and Clary watched him go before Lydia tilted her head to the side and let out a long sigh.

"I really want to know what's going on between you two," she told the redhead. Clary had a whole lot of things that she wanted to respond to that, but it was too early in the morning for such big contemplation, so she settled with a simple answer.

"You and me both," Clary sighed before taking a sip of the coffee and letting out a moan. "But right now, I'm just going to be happy with this perfect coffee and napping through our art history class."

 _So! My song recommendations this time are_ Help Me Close My Eyes _by Those Dancing Days,_ Burn So Bright _by Bella Thorne and_ Broken Prayers _by Riley Clemmons. Ooh—and_ I Wanna Know _by Bea Miller. Shit, I love most things by Bea, she's bloody amazing, and I've had this song on repeat, for like the past two months. Haha. Oh, and_ Go Dark _by Cassie Steele! It took me a while to get into this one, but I adore it now. Ooh ooh! And_ Lie _by Halsey featuring Quavo. Fucking looove it. Although let's face it, I love everything by her. Omg! And also_ What I Need _by Hayley Kiyoko featuring Kehlani. I've only recently gotten into Kehlani, since I saw her open for Halsey, but I adore Hayley, and I'm so glad she's becoming more popular. This video has just come out and its amaaazing._

 _In other news...The second season of_ Queer Eye _is almost out! Whoop whoop! I bloody love them all, and I cried in every single episode of the first season. Antoni is just bloody beautiful, and Tan and Karamo...Omfg. Gorgeous. And then Bobby is so talented and Jonathan is amazing. Haha. I recommend to all! Also, has everyone seen the new_ Robin Hood _trailer? I love Taron Egerton, can't wait for the movie!_

 _I've starting dabbling in oneshots again. I generally post them all at one time, when I've got chance to come back and edit them all properly, but I'm taking requests if you want to see them through. Doesn't have to specifically be this fandom, go onto my profile and check out other fandoms I'm in or send me a message. Send through songs or ideas and I can try to make them work!_

 _Lastly, I keep meaning to pimp out the amaaazing reppinda5o3, who I absolutely adore. First of all she's got this amazing trilogy that is currently on it's second installment, first one called_ Send My Love (To Your New Lover) _and the second is called_ Hello _. Then there's her latest story and I've fallen in love and we're just one chapter deep,_ Set Fire To The Rain _. And then her baby,_ Clarissa Is A Punk _, which is an angsty ride, but I trust her to get us there in the end! Go and check them out and show her some love. She's ridiculously busy, but she still finds time to write, and her detail and care in her writing is insane, and also listen to me with my one million ideas and was also one of the people to keep me sane when I was house bound for a few months. Including keeping my company literally as I'm typing this because I'm home sick. So go. Go, go, go, go, go!_

 _Send me your recommendations, send me your thoughts on the story, send me anything and I will reply when I can! Let me know if you want a preview xxx_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey guys._

 _Okay. So..._

 _This is a bit weird, but I thought I should probably post something._

 _I've had a few messages from people, and I've replied to a couple of them, but I guess it would be more fair to post this for everyone to see._

 _I'm just taking a bit of a break from here. I've got a lot going on at the moment; my heads a bit of a mess, my relationship needs work, my job is going through a a lot of changes which is stressful and honestly I'm just not doing too great. Usually writing is my outlet but I've been really stumped lately. I've managed to write a few oneshots but I'm just not happy with them and I just_ can't _write. I open up word documents like every night and just can't get anything out, and when I finally do, I'm not happy with what I do. Over the past six weeks or so I've gotten some shitty reviews which are always from anon's because why would they log in to leave feedback and have a conversation about it? I delete them because I'm one of those people who just re-read and re-read them and obsess over them and it just isn't a great time! So maybe that's got something to do with how..._ Not _like writing I feel._

 _I'm posting this on all of my stories, even the ones I don't update regularly, because I'm not sure how long it'll be before I update. I'm going to try get around to all the reviews I haven't replied to and the messages that are piled up in my inbox, and I_ _hope I'll snap out of my funk soon and then it'll be back to normal :)_

 _I love you guys, 99% of you are absolutely amazing and you're so supportive and patient with me, and I want to say thank you for that x_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey, beautiful people!_

 _I'm back! You guys have all been beautiful and I appreciate all of your kind words. I'm feeling a lot better, although, as anyone suffering from anxiety, depression and any other lovely mental health issues, I'm taking one day at a time. Still feeling a little...Iffy, but hey. That's life._

 _We're coming up to the end of the year and I always take a couple of months off over Christmas/New Years. So what I'm going to do is update all my stories at the beginning of each month until I go on a break over December/January and then I'll go back to a regular schedule with two monthly updates._

 _Also, a few of you guys tried to help out and suggested maybe if I didn't write so many stories, I wouldn't get overwhelmed. I absolutely love that you guys are trying to help, but the amount of stories isn't the problem. My problems are outside of this little fandom world I try to bury myself in, and the thing that was making it difficult for me to enjoy posting and updating and interacting with you guys was because of a few nasty reviews that just really hit when I was feeling pretty damn shit. So, thank you! But it's okay, I manage sharing out my time on each story well, since I get inspired for different stories all the time and bounce all over the place!_

 _Anyway, on with the story..._

"I need exams like yours," Raphael let out a heavy sigh and rolled over, spreading his arms out above his head and closing his eyes. "You get to throw some paint around, make the colours look all pretty together, and then you're done!"

"Hey!" Lydia protested.

"Asshole," Clary growled, picking up one of the cushions off the couch and throwing it toward Raphael. Raphael didn't even try to duck, letting the cushion smack him right in the face and then letting out another pained groan and hitting his head on the. It was a late Thursday afternoon, and none of them had classes, mainly because most of the classes were optional at this point, because there were study groups and sessions set up to give the students time to revise for exams that were coming up.

"I'm sorry, I know that there's more to it than that, but my head hurts too much to apologize right now," Raphael replied, his voice muffled underneath the cushion.

"You literally _just_ apologized," Clary muttered under breath with a roll of her eyes. Lydia looked down at their friend, the two girls looking a whole lot less stressed out that Raphael and Simon did, Simon sitting at the kitchen table with his head resting against his open books while Raphael was sprawled out on the ground.

"I feel like you guys have studied enough," Lydia announced, shifting around on the couch and resting her feet on the ground.

"No!" Simon cried out, his words muted against the pages of his books. "I still need to get through three more pages of this shit!"

"Oh, come on," Lydia continued as she opened up the bottom drawer from underneath the coffee table and pulled open the wooden box that they kept in there. "It's time to take a break!" Simon looked as though he wanted to make another effort to dissuade Lydia's suggestion, but Raphael already looked more awake than he had before and he rolled onto his front, crawling over to the blonde. Clary laughed at the eager expression on his face as she pulled out a little baggie of weed, and raised an eyebrow at Simon.

"You really going to sit over there, looking sorry for yourself?" She teased him.

"You're all terrible influences," he grunted as he got up from his seat at their rickety kitchen table and walked over to join them in the lounge. "At least I've already landed that internship, so that's one thing not to be freaking out about."

"You're always going to freak out about something," Clary replied knowingly. "Just remember, these aren't the final exams, if you don't get close to perfect or whatever you're hoping to achieve, it's not the end of the world." Simon made a face at her like he didn't quite believe her, but he pulled a lighter out of his back pocket and handed it over to Lydia when she started looking around for one.

"So you actually got that internship then?" Raphael asked as Lydia began to pack the weed into her little pink grinder, all cute and embellished, a present Clary had gotten the girl of Etsy a few months ago.

"Yup," Simon nodded. "The guy seemed pretty cool actually, he said that his daughter is our age, she's taking a year off University at the moment and doing some work before going back to finish her degree. Maybe that's why he was pretty relaxed about the hours and shit, it's just a couple of hours in the afternoon after classes and Saturday mornings."

"Saturday mornings?" Clary whined. "You poor thing."

"Hey, you sometimes work Saturdays at the library," Simon pointed out.

"But generally not," Clary smirked. "Because that woman loves me." Lydia Branwell's aunt, Charlotte Branwell, was the head librarian for the University's library. That meant that she was more than willing to give her niece and her niece's best friend a job, and was pretty flexible about the hours they kept. Clary knew that she was lucky, with the savings she and Simon had managed to put away on their gap year, the student allowance they got and then the small amount from the library job, they managed to get by quite comfortably, especially compared to some students.

"Okay, so now that we're all taking a break from studying," Lydia stated as she put down the grinder and picked up the bong, taking it into the kitchen to put water and ice into it. "Can we all talk about something that I feel as though we've avoided for too long?"

"Raph's blue balls?" Simon grinned as he flashed a look between Raphael and Lydia. Raphael responded by pulling the fingers at him.

" _No_ ," Lydia rolled her eyes as she came back into the lounge and put the bong down on the coffee table. "Jace."

"I really don't feel as though you've been refraining from talking about him," Clary commented with a roll of her eyes. "If that's what you've been trying to do for the past couple of months, you're doing a real shit job at it." Lydia poked her tongue out as she packed the bong and then used Simon's lighter. The room was quiet as Lydia put her finger over the carb and lit the bowl with her free hand, inhaling deeply, her long blonde hair falling around her face. When she pulled back, she held the smoke in her lungs for a few moments before slowly exhaling the thick, white smoke between pursed lips. She pushed the bong closer to Raphael and tossed him the lighter before looking back at Clary.

"Come on," she shook her head. "I honestly don't understand what the fuck is going on with you guys, and then _you_ said you didn't know what was going on between you two, so I think that if we all put our heads together, we can figure it out." She grinned as though she had just solved the whole worlds problems.

"Really?" Clary looked less than impressed as Raphael pushed the bong across the table to Simon. "That's your solution here?"

"We're all intelligent adults! I'm sure we can work this out," Lydia reached down to where Raphael's laptop was lying on the ground and put it onto the couch beside her. "This is the twenty-first century, everything's online. I think it's time to get Nancy Drew on this man."

"Or, you know, we could just move on from this. Change the course of the conversation, discuss someone elses life...Maybe not humiliate Clary..." the red head muttered, even though she knew it was useless. Lydia was already stabbing her fingers over the keyboard, and Simon was lighting up the bong, water bubbling as he inhaled deeply. Raphael raised his eyebrows at Clary and she let out a huff as she held out both of her hands for the bong and the lighter.

"You know that she's gonna follow this through," Raphael stated as Clary took a hit from the bong.

"I don't know what's got you all interested in him," she said through a strained voice as she held the smoke in her lungs before letting it out through pursed lips. "This is _my_ business, not yours."

"What's your business is our business," Lydia sung out.

"It really doesn't work that way," Clary muttered.

"He feeds you, he lets you stay at his house, he doesn't get you to pay for weed, he gives you rides to work...And he doesn't expect anything from you?" Lydia raised an eyebrow. "Come on. There's something weird going on here, right? Like— _is he gay_? That's gotta be it, right?" She moved the laptop onto the couch beside her when it was her turn to the take the bong. "I mean, I tried to get with him the first couple of times we saw him at the club, and he had _no_ time for me."

"Right. Because if a guy isn't interested in you, it's automatic to assume he's not interested in the whole female population," Simon rolled his eyes.

"But then..." Lydia looked conflicted, while Clary just looked grumpy, folding her arms over her chest. "No! He's not gay! I mean, he checks out your ass _constantly_. And, like—he smiles at you! Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes. And I've never seen him smile at _anyone_ else."

"Lydia..." Clary sighed. Lydia wasn't listening though, she was already picking the laptop back up and typing. "Look, don't you think that I've already searched him on Facebook and all that shit?"

"So he has a Facebook?" Lydia's eyes widened excitedly.

"Well, yeah, but it's totally private," Clary answered as she leaned against the side of the couch. "It's just his profile picture and a couple of tagged photos."

"Why haven't you added him?" Simon prompted.

"Because he hasn't added me!" Clary shot back, even though she knew how immature it sounded. Lydia obviously thought so, rolling her eyes, and then tipping her head to the side as she looked hard at the screen. Clary craned her neck to look at the computer screen and saw that Lydia had found Jace' profile, with zero mutual friends. The picture wasn't a great one, but it was still obvious he was attractive, and the tagged photos were of him with a couple of other people.

"All ya gotta do is add him!" Lydia wiggled her eyebrows. "Come on, he'll definitely accept. You guys are together all the time!"

" _No_ , we're not," Clary managed to successfully wrangle the laptop away from Lydia. "Look, can we just drop this whole thing? I like whatever it is that's happening with Jace, and I don't want you guys trying to make it into something it's not!" There was clear finality in her voice, and Simon pursed his lips together as he read how upset she was on her face. Silence stretched through the room, Raphael now holding the bong in his hands and his lips twisted awkwardly.

"The situation here is way too tense for four hot adults who have weed on hand," he stated as he glanced around. Simon knew he was trying to defuse the situation, but he had a feeling that it wasn't going to work, at least with Clary. They didn't talk about Jace often, and that was mainly because of _this_ exact reason. Sometimes they would joke about him and tease her, but at the end of the day, there was no clear cut line of who Jace was in Clary's life and she didn't like to talk about the uncertainty there.

"I'm going for a walk," Clary mumbled as she got to her feet.

"Wait, no, Clary—" Lydia called out, but the redhead was already opening the front door and disappearing outside. Lydia sighed and looked at the two men opposite her. "Shit," she muttered.

 _Okay! I have so many recommendations, so I apologize in advance for how long this is going to be._

 _Songs!_ Back To You _by Selena Gomez. Holy shit. Words can't even express how much I love this song. Like...My heart, every time...Shit. Yes. And all the fandom videos to this song on Youtube, I'm just loving all of them, they're just incredible. Then there's_ Somethin' We Shouldn't Do _by Chad Brownlee,_ Bad Company _by Five Finger Death Punch,_ Higher _by The Score,_ Panic Attacks _by Elohim and then_ I Said Hi, Mess Her Up _and_ Middle of the Night _by Amy Shark. I've become completely obsessed with Amy Shark. Haha. Then there's also_ Sober _by Demi Lovato...Which does all sorts of different things to my heart now, than Back To You. After her recent relapse, I get a little teary when listening to it..._

 _So movie/TV series wise..._ Alex Strangelove _\- It's quirky and awkward and fucking hilarious and it made me so happy. All of the characters are just so beautiful and well-written and realistic. It's a bit weird, I absolutely cringed a few times and definitely has some areas it could improve on, but if I'm being totally honest...I think it may actually be in like my top twenty movies. It just made me feel so good. My hubby loved it as well. And then there's_ Jane The Virgin _, which we're slowly getting through. My husband is firmly Team Raphael while I'm firmly Team Michael...Now that he's back, I have high hopes. LOL. Also I've recently gotten into_ Reign _, and I'm in love._

 _Also, is anyone else watching_ Who Is America _? Holy shit. It makes me cringe to the point where I hide my face in a pillow, but it's hilarious and chilling and I recommend to all._

 _Anyway, let me know if you guys have any recommendations. Leave a review, let me know what you think, because your reviews mean so much to me xx_


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey, pretty people! Here's this months update._ _Also_ — _I've got Pink's concert next weekend! She's going to be fucking amazing!_

Clary kicked her feet up on the chair that she had pulled closer to her so that she was reclining in one chair with her feet propped upward. It was a Friday night, which was always slower in the library. Usually she only worked a couple nights through the week, but one of the other girls had been surprised by her long distance boyfriend showing up to whisk her away for the weekend and she had begged Clary to cover her shift. A little bit of extra money never hurt anyone, and she didn't have any plans that evening, so she had said yes.

Now she was regretting it now because it was slow and her phone was on low battery so she couldn't keep watching the terrible lip sync videos that had been keeping her entertained, Lydia didn't work Fridays so she couldn't talk to her, and the only people coming into the library were students who _actually_ wanted to study, so they weren't willing to participate in any small talk.

"Little Miss Fray," came a deep voice from the doorway, and Clary let her feet drop back to the floor to spin her chair around to face the direction of the voice.

Sebastian Verlac.

He was friends with Raphael, although not good friends. They had gone to high school together and so occasionally Sebastian would have lunch with them or go out with them when they went drinking. Clary had slept with him a couple of times during her first few months of University, and it had been good—nothing great, but good. Sometimes they would see each other around and there would be some flirting, they made out at a party a month or so ago, but Clary hadn't been interested in doing anything further so they had gone home separately.

"What are you doing in here on a Friday? Don't have anything better to do?" Clary teased as she got to her feet to stand behind the counter as Sebastian approached, resting her hands on the wooden counter top.

"I could say the same thing about you, doll," Sebastian smirked at her as he stood on the other side of the desk, tilting his head as he looked over at her.

"At least I get paid for being here," Clary responded. "And I'm not usually in this place on a Friday—what are you doing here?"

"Believe it or not, I am studying to get a degree, and it just so happens that I've got a couple of projects due in the next couple of weeks and I may or may not have only just started," Sebastian grinned.

"Typical male," Clary grinned.

"Something like that," Sebastian shrugged unabashedly. "Anyway, if you feel like you need something to liven the place up a bit, I'll be in the engineering section. I'm always down for a little bit of fun in stacks," he wiggled his eyebrows at Clary and she just rolled her eyes back, although there was a smile on her face. Sebastian walked past her, toward the steps at the back of the library, and Clary watched him go, mainly out of the lack of anything better to do.

He had a nice ass, so it wasn't a bad view.

Clary looked down at her phone—the background picture was one of her, Lydia and Simon. She was pretty sure they were stoned at the time, the photo was a bit blurry, but there faces were smushed together and they were all grinning and looking happy, and she liked the picture. The battery only had seventeen percent left, and she needed to stop turning it on, because she was on until closing, and that was still another three hours away. Just as she put the phone back down on the counter, the phone vibrated with a text and she glanced down, half expecting it to be something lewd from Sebastian.

 _What are you up to?_

It was Jace.

The smile that crossed her face was one that she couldn't stop as she tapped out a reply.

 _I'm at work, picked up an extra shift._

She hadn't seen him in about a week. He had text her a few nights ago, saying that he was sorry they hadn't been able to meet up but that his work had been really busy and he had been spending a lot of time with his cousins. Clary understood—she was disappointed, but she understood. She wasn't his girlfriend, he didn't have to make time to see her.

 _I'll bring you dinner. That way you don't need to eat vending food._

Clary felt a bubble of excitement in her stomach, but she wasn't too sure how much of that it was because she got to see Jace and how much of that was because he was bringing food. She hadn't eaten since the leftover Chinese she had had for lunch, and she only had a couple of dollars in her wallet so she had been tossing up over a packet of noodles or a big chocolate cookie in the vending machine in the foyer of the library.

Whatever Jace was bringing in trumped anything in that vending machine. Hell, if she was being completely honest, anything Jace cooked and brought in probably trumped anything she had had all week given her and Simon's idea of fine dining was having a ten dollar bottle of wine paired together with mac and cheese.

Clary was about to respond to Jace when a first year student—they were easy to pick out with their big eyes and almost frightened expressions—came to the counter, mumbling about needing to find a book. Clary tucked her phone into the drawer and put on her most charming smile as she circled around the counter to help the girl. It ended up taking a whole lot longer than she thought it would, especially since it turned out the girl really wasn't too sure what she was looking for, and ended up needing to use a computer to find a reading list given to her by her lecturer. So Clary was straining to see the counter, keeping an eye out for Jace, while she waited for the girl to print off the list, and then they traipsed around the library to find the six books. _Then_ she had to sign her up for a library card, because she hadn't activated her student ID there yet, and by the time she was done, Jace was standing at the edge of the counter, looking gorgeous, with a plastic bag in one hand.

"Sorry about that," Clary apologized as she finally finished with the student and came over to stand next to Jace, who just shrugged.

"It's fine, it's your job," he responded, not sounding bothered.

"In all it's glory," Clary joked and Jace shrugged again, never one to throw out smiles for no reason. He held up the plastic bag and she caught a whiff of whatever it was inside and her stomach rumbled. Jace's lips twitched at the noise—which she didn't realize had been so loud—and Clary grinned at him. "I'll just find the other girl working tonight, and we can take a lunch break."

"It's not Lydia?" Jace raised an eyebrow.

"Nah," she shook her head. "We usually get rostered on together, but because I'm covering for another girl, I'm just on with some senior who seems to really hate the world." She looked over her shoulder and Jace followed her gaze to the dark haired girl who was stacking shelves. She had headphones in, was wearing an over sized black dress that fell down past her knees and her shoulders were slumped forward as though she had given up on everything and everyone.

"What's her name?" Jace asked.

"Mildred," Clary grinned, and this time she got a half smile from Jace, his eyes glittering with mirth.

"I would hate the world as well, if I had that name," he muttered and Clary's grin widened, leaning over to nudge him in the arm.

"I'll be right back," she said before walking over to the other librarian. Jace's eyes never left Clary as she spoke with the other woman before coming back over to him. "Come on," she said, leading the way past him, and Jace turned on his heel to follow after her. They headed to the side of the library where there was a door marked 'Staff Only'. The room was reasonably small but it was colourful, with a couple of mismatched couches in one corner with some books spread out over a low table, and a small table in the kitchenette area.

"Just put it in the microwave for a half a minute or so, get it hot again," Jace handed her the plastic bag.

"Thanks," Clary grinned as she took the container out and took off the lid. It was pasta, chicken, pesto and capsicum. "Shit, this smells good." Jace didn't say anything as he sat down on the couch, watching her as she tipped the contents onto a plate and put it into the microwave. They waited in quiet for a few moments with only the hum from the microwave to fill the room until it beeped, indicating that it had finished. Clary took it out and her stomach rumbled again.

"You should have messaged me earlier if you were hungry," Jace stated with a raised eyebrow. "I would have brought you dinner sooner."

"I didn't want to bother you," Clary shrugged as she stabbed her fork into the pasta. "I thought that you might be working."

"You don't bother me," Jace responded as he propped up his legs up on the low table and folded his arms loosely over his chest. "And you always need to eat." Clary smiled at him as she ate the pasta. Jace looked around the room idly, not looking bothered at spending his Friday night at a library, watching her eat.

"Who's looking after the bar?" She asked when she was about halfway through her meal. "Don't you need to be watching people get drunker and charging them for it."

"I have other people working for me," Jace shrugged. "I'm right where I need to be." He wasn't trying to cute, that wasn't Jace, and he wasn't staring at her or giving her a flirtatious smile like some guys might be after making a comment like that.

Clary ducked her head to hide the blush on her cheeks, and kept on eating.

 _Now, my first thing is a Youtube video. It's only a couple of minutes, but it is absolutely fucking beautiful, my heart just...Shit. Anyway. Watch it. It's called_ Homophobia In 2018 | Time For Love _on the channel BBC Social. Please watch it. It's just a few minutes, just a tiny bit of your day, but it's just incredible._

 _Okay! So I have so many songs! Okay, so_ Afterlife _by XYLO. And then_ 1950 _and_ Talia _by King Princess—also, I heard that she and Amanda Stenburg are dating? Not sure if that's true, but damn cute couple if they are. Then there's_ Wild Love _by James Bay. The music video for this is absolutely amazing, Natalia looks fucking heavenly. I can't get over that song. Then there's_ Skydiving, Saviour _and_ We Were Here _by Lights. And then an older one,_ Life After You _, by Daughtry._ And What's Love Got To Do With It _, the cover by Prides, which I heard in_ Dynasty _and fell in love with._

Cloak and Dagger _has recently finished and it was amazing, and you should all definitely be watching it. There's also the show_ Castle Rock _that we've just started with Bill Skaarsgard, and I'll watch anything with him in it. Movie wise, we've recently watched_ Game Night _and_ Stronger _, which were both really good. We're September now and there's so many new seasons of my shows starting! What ones are you guys looking forward to?_

 _As a closing note, is anyone else keeping up with all this Jeffree Star drama and his ex-friends? I'm finding all of it hilarious. Me and one my best friends are in love with it all. Haha. Oh—and 21/08/2018 was apparently Fanfiction Appreciation Day! So, happy...That? Haha._

 _OMG—and everyone should watch_ Crazy Rich Asians _. I fucking loved it._

 _Let me know what you thought of the story, let me know if you want a preview of the next chapter x_


	9. Chapter 9

"This is good," Raphael mused after he let out a long stream of smoke and passed the bong to Clary. "It from your man?"

"It's from _Jace_ , yes," Clary corrected him as she took the bong and then the lighter, flicking it over the bowl and taking inhaling deeply. It was only herself, Raphael and Lydia in the apartment today, since Simon was off at his internship, and she knew that she really should be working on some of her paintings that were half finished in her bedroom, but Jace had given her some baggies in the weekend that she had been keen to start on. Besides, she generally painted better when she was stoned and relaxed and out of her head, so she was really just getting herself ready to paint.

"It's DTF, right?" Lydia asked, her eyes a little bloodshot as she shoved a handful of M&M's into her mouth. Clary nodded as she held the smoke in her lungs and passed the bong over to the blonde.

"Share the fucking M&M's!" Raphael groused, snatching up the bag that was on the ground and grabbing a handful out. He made a face, given Lydia had had the bag pressed between her thighs and they had started melting, and so his fingers were left stained after he emptied the handful into his mouth. Lydia put the bong down in the middle of the table, and Clary made a mental note that they needed to clean out the water at some point.

Probably tomorrow.

"So what are you doing for your birthday? Do you have any plans?" Lydia asked as she slumped down against the side of couch, sliding down further on the carpet. The bowl of the bong was cashed, and Raphael looked down at it disappointingly and then looked over at Clary, who pointedly ignored his gaze, refusing to share more of her bud with him.

"I was thinking that we could go to the beach or something? I'm not sure," Clary shrugged her shoulders, staring down at her feet, her purple nail polish glittering up at her from her toenails. They were a lot more fascinating now that her bloodstream was heavy with weed, and she completely missed what Lydia said next as she stared at the way the sparkles in the nail polish caught the light as she moved her feet from side to side. Lydia picked out one of the M&M's and tossed it at the red head, not bothering to move too much. "What?" Clary blinked over at the blonde.

"I _said_ that we should do something a bit more than that!" Lydia protested.

"I don't want to," Clary shrugged. "We go out all the time, but I haven't been to the beach in ages. So I'd rather just go to the beach with you guys, and we can have some drinks or some shit when we get back."

"Fine," Lydia shrugged. "But we have to buy a cake from _Sprinkle Palace_ , okay?"

"Oh great," Raphael grumbled, throwing his head back dramatically against the back of the couch. "Now I feel like _Sprinkle Palace_ cupcakes." Clary let out a short laugh, taking in a deep breath, her chest heaving up and down. Her limbs felt heavy, but she forced herself to get to her feet, gripping the arm of the couch behind her and hauling herself upward. "Are we going to get cupcakes?" He asked eagerly, lurching forward in the armchair.

"Dude," Clary raised an eyebrow at him, smirking as she looked toward the window in the kitchen. "It's after six o'clock— _Sprinkle Palace_ was closed ages ago." Raphael was back to pouting again. Clary was about to continue when her phone started vibrating in the pocket of the jeans that she was wearing and she pulled it out and saw her mothers photo showing on screen. "I need to take this, and then I'm staying in my room. Make sure you guys lock the door when you leave the apartment," she said to her friends before heading down to her room. It took a little bit longer than usual, her legs feeling heavy from the weed. She swiped her thumb across the screen just as the call was about to ring out. "Hey, mum!"

"Sweetie," Jocelyn Garroway greeted her. "I thought you must be busy."

"Just with Lyds and Raph," Clary replied as she finally made it to her bedroom. There was an easel set up in one corner, taking up quite a bit of room in the bedroom. She sat on the edge of her bed, pushing open the window to make sure the paint fumes didn't go to her head once she started pouring it out of the tubes.

"Oh, I can call back later—"

"No, no, it's fine," Clary quickly assured her mother.

"Well, I was just ringing to see how you were doing. How your classes are, how's Simon?" Jocelyn asked.

"Yeah, everything's going well," Clary replied as she picked up her paintbrush and turned it over in her fingers, getting distracted by the thousands of bristles before zoning back into the conversation that Jocelyn was having with her, blinking her scratchy red eyes.

"Are you still working at the library? You getting enough hours there?" Jocelyn asked.

"Yeah, just two or three shifts a week. They're fine with the student allowance we're getting," Clary said. "We're doing fine, mum, you don't have to worry."

"You're my baby, I'm always going to worry about you," Jocelyn responded and Clary laughed. "And you know that if the costs are ever getting on top of you, just let me know. Me and Luke will send you money if you need more supplies or if you guys are getting behind on your rent or—" Jocelyn continued rambling on about every possible thing that Clary or Simon might need in the future. Clary just smiled, propping her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she picked up one of her palette's. The wood was stained from the amount of time she had used it before, and she squeezed some of her purple paint onto the wood, and then some green and blue. "Anyway! It's your birthday coming up! Have you got any plans?"

"Not really," Clary replied, holding the phone in one hand while her paintbrush dipped in the purple paint, the colours edging together as she swirled the brush through. The piece that she was working had been partially based on a scene in a movie that her and Lydia had watched when they were high, and also on this forest that her and Simon had been taken to by Jocelyn when they were kids, which had lights in the trees and in the waterfalls, so that it was all different colours at night. "I think I'm going to drag everyone to the beach, have a picnic and shit. But nothing other than that."

"You sure you're not going to have some rager where you all get drunk and high and you just don't want to tell me about it?" Jocelyn teased lightly and Clary grinned as she dabbed some of the purple onto the canvas.

"No, mum, you know I'm completely open with you when I'm having my weekly orgies," Clary teased right back and Jocelyn snorted.

"Right, well, Luke may or may not have been preparing a birthday package to send to you for the past couple of months, so when he calls you about it, make sure you act surprised," Jocelyn laughed. "He's missing his girl even more than me, I think." Clary smiled as she thought of her step dad, who was far more of a father than her biological one had ever been. "He's going to send it next week or so, so that it reaches you by the time it's your birthday."

"Okay, mum," Clary was still feeling the buzz of the weed in her veins, and she really wasn't too sure how much longer she was going to be able to hold a steady conversation with her mother. It wasn't that Jocelyn was clueless to what Clary and Simon and their friends got up to, but she didn't want to rub it in her mums face. "I should be going, I'm pretty tired."

"Oh okay," Jocelyn replied. "It's only seven, so you must need your rest." Clary cringed as she realized how early it was, but her mother seemed to be believing it. "Don't stretch yourself too thin, okay? Make sure you're not going out every weekend, you need time to be resting and recuperating."

"Yes, mum," Clary sung out with a smile pulling her mouth upward in a smile.

"And if you feel like you're picking up too many extra shifts because you're tight on cash, _just let us know_ , and we will send you money, okay?" Jocelyn reminded her.

"I know, mum. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie," Jocelyn answered before ending the call. Clary smiled as she tossed her phone onto her bed, getting up to stand properly in front of her easel. She could still hear Raphael and Lydia talking in the lounge, but they would probably leave soon, even if they just moved down to Lydia's apartment downstairs. Last time Clary checked, Raphael had managed to flirt his way into the pants of one of her flat mates, and he had a tendency to get horny when he was high. Although, fairly speaking, Clary also usually got turned on when she was high, although most of the time she just liked the ride it out with the tingly between her thighs and that low grade arousal in the pit of her stomach. The more she thought about it, though, the more her mind started drifting to a certain golden haired man.

They were friends, sort of, or acquaintances, at least.

That didn't mean he was off limits when it came to the fantasies that were just for her bedroom.

The strand that Jace had given her and that she had shared with Raphael and Isabelle was a mellow one, and she had only used it once more, and that was with Sebastian, and that had been an absolutely incredible afternoon and then night. They had smoked, had great sex, eaten and napped, and then repeated twice more.

Clary put down her paintbrush and took a few steps across her room until she reached her bed and fell down on her back. She ran her hands lightly over her torso, over her thighs and then her stomach, her shirt hitching up slightly so that the tips of her fingers over the skin just above the elastic of her leggings. She considered getting her vibrator out of her bedside table, but she could already feel herself getting wet, just thinking about Jace.

There was this one time when she had slept over at his place, and she had crashed out on his couch. Jace hadn't really gotten drunk, but he had mixed her a couple of vodka drinks that had been amazing, and they had shared a couple of joints, shot gunning multiple times. She could remember wanting to kiss him—so bad—and there had been a couple of times when their lips had lingered together after the smoke had been passed, but neither of them had actually taken it a step further to kiss one another. Clary had woken up first, which was unusual, since usually Jace did, and she had gotten up to go to the bathroom. She had walked past his bedroom, rubbing her eyes, hardly awake, and barely paid any attention to her surroundings...Until she realized that she had just walked past the open bedroom door of Jace and he was laying on top of his duvet.

 _Naked_.

Clary quickly rid herself of her leggings and underwear, tossing them onto the ground, and hitched her shirt up under her armpits so that she could massage her breasts, thankful that she hadn't bothered with a bra. She parted her legs, propping them up so that her feet were flat on the mattress and her knees were spread far apart. One of her hands touched her breast, tugging at her nipple, while her other fingers slowly rubbing up and down, between her lower lips. The tips of her fingers gathered the wetness that was already beginning to pool, dragging it back up to her clit.

Jace had been on his side, facing away from her, but she had jolted completely awake as she got to study him. His hair was a mess, but then, a lot of the time it was. His shoulders were broad, and there was a faded scar on his shoulder. She wanted to lick his back, trace those muscles that were rippling beneath his golden skin as he moved slightly, and then her eyes fell even further down, to his ass. It was incredible—and she really wasn't the kind of girl that spent a lot of time staring at asses. But his was one of kind, and she was actually worried that she was going to start drooling as she stood there in the doorway.

Clary pinched her clit, rolling it between two fingers before circling it in tight motions. The build up was rapid, her toes beginning to curl into her duvet, wondering what Jace looked like if he had just rolled over. Wondering what his lips would feel like on hers if they just went a little lower, to her collar bone, sucking on her nipples, and then further down, his tongue curling inside her.

She came with a breathless cry, not caring if Raphael and Isabelle were still in the lounge or not.

 _Sooooo the first thing I want to say was that the P!nk concert was absolutely amazing! Holy shit, she was incredible. She spent more time up in the air than she did on the stage. It was also her birthday the night we went, so her daughter and hubby came out with a cake, and shit...The whole thing was just amazing._

 _I rewatched a couple of old movies when I was off work sick, some of my old favourites;_ Dinosaur, Matilda _and_ Stardust _. Honestly, I can never get tired of them. Animated movies are my go-to's when I'm sick or drained and just done with life. Haha. They're just the beeeest. I also really wanted to recommend_ Hannah Gandsby: Nanette _. It's a comedy special on Netflix and I really don't want to say much about it and give it away, but it is absolutely incredible, and not quite what you would expect? Watch iiiiiit._

 _Song wise, I'm super obsessed with_ Dynasty _by MIIA, and all the fandom videos on Youtube using that song. And_ High Hopes _by Panic! at the Disco. Everytime I hear that song, all I can see is Shawn Mendes appreciative look at Brendon Urie as he was performing it at the VMA's. Hahaha. Also_ High On Life _by Martin Garrix,_ Temporary Love _by Joey,_ 48 _by Moss Kena and_ The Getaway _by Hilary Duff. If you guys have any recommendations, send them through!_

 _I've also become re-obsessed with 5SOS. They were amazing in concert when I saw them a few years ago, but I hadn't been a massive fan then. I ammmm now! Luke Hemming in that damn glittery eyeliner. Shit! And maybe when he and Michael play each others guitars, I get intense heart eyes, I don't know..._

 _Oh, has anyone watched the newest season of_ Ozark _? I_ haven't _gotten around to it yet, not sure if it's as good as the first season? Also, we finally finished_ Banshee _. Haha. I know that it's a super old show, but we just have so many that we took ages to get through. But we finally did! God, it was brilliant. I absolutely adored Job and Sugar, and Siobhan just broke my heart. Overall, the show was great, and if you haven't seen it, please do!_

 _Oooh, oooh! And_ The Gifted _is back! Thunderblink is beautiful and I'm totally digging Andy's look. And_ SVU _!_

 _Oh—and is everyone else watching the new Shane Dawsons documentary? I don't really like the subject matter at all, dude's an ass, but I love him._

 _Omg. Okay. I'll stop here. God I hate these once monthly updates. Can't wait till my schedule is less busy. Anyway. Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and let me know if you want a preview xx_


	10. Chapter 10

_Okay, so...I had a really, really,_ really, really _shitty day. Not the worst I've had, not by far, I actually managed to get myself out of bed and somehow drove to work, although through anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, I don't remember much. So I had a horrible, horrible day, but then I came home and my husband had brought me roses, and chocolate, and my favourite lollies—and not_ just _my favourite lollies, but he went through all the packs at the shop to find the one with the most of the pineapple lollies, which are my_ favourite of the favourite _. Then we watched almost three hours of Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams videos, and fell more in love with Garrett Watts._

 _And now I feel a lot better. A_ hell _of a lot better._

 _So much better that I wanted to do something to make you guys happy as well :)_

 _Here's an update..._

"How's it going over here?" Dorothea asked as she came over to stand behind Clary, looking at the canvas she was working on. "This looks incredible," Dot noted as she traced her hand over a curve of purple and blue paint, her fingers an inch away from the canvas so that she didn't touch the drying paint. "I can see you've been working hard on this piece...I know you work hard on every piece that you do."

"Thank you," Clary mumbled as she swiped a few strands of hair away from her face.

"And I make that comment because I know how many pieces you've already got together for the exhibit coming up...And also because it looks as though you're not sleeping," Dot commented, touching Clary's shoulder gently. Dorothea was completely different from any other professors at the University. Clary had never _not_ got on with any of the other professors that she had had, but there was just something about Dot that made her really connect with her. Sometimes they would even go out for coffee after class, and there had been a time when Dot was out at a club with a couple of her friends and Lydia and Clary had seen her and danced with her.

"I'm getting enough," Clary replied, lowering her paintbrush as she turned her head to the side to look over her shoulder at Dot. Dot raised an eyebrow and looked over the top of the easel to where Lydia was painting. Unlike Clary, Lydia's talents didn't exactly lay in painting. She was merely taking this class as a side course to make sure she had enough credits to pass when she graduated, given she had fooled around so much in her first year at university, but she really came to life when she was behind the camera, so another artistic course came hand in hand with that. It also meant that Lydia didn't wear herself to the bone like Clary did, staying up all hours and worrying about the canvas in the corner of the room, paint smeared over her sheets because she had painted until she literally dropped onto her bed.

"Is she getting enough sleep?" Dot asked Lydia, who returned her gaze with a knowing look, and Dot shook her head. "Make sure you're getting rest. I know that you're under a lot of pressure, especially with the exhibit coming up, but you're right on track to have everything ready."

"I've still got four pieces that I haven't finished," Clary sighed, putting her paintbrush down and running her stained fingers through her hair.

"And you've got a few months to get those finished," Dot reassured her, before looking up at the clock that hung on the far wall. "Start packing up, and try to get some rest tonight, okay? And, also—" she tugged at Clary's shirt, which was stained with paint. "Make sure you're soaking your clothes, you don't want to sacrifice your whole wardrobe." Clary gave her a wry smile as Dot walked away, clapping her hands to draw the attention of the class. Dot was telling her class to start packing things up so that they wouldn't be late for their next classes, but luckily for Clary, she didn't have any, so she took her time cleaning up.

"Babe," Lydia came over, checking Clary with her hip. "There's drinks down on the second floor today, in our apartment building. You gonna come?"

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna go up to the apartment and work," Clary replied, wiping her hands over her face.

"Oh—come on! That's all you've been doing for the past couple of weeks!" Lydia pouted. "I want to go out and have some _fuuuun_."

"Then you go," Clary rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'm not stopping you."

"It's just never as fun without my favourite redhead there," Lydia pointed out.

"You live in an apartment with two other redheads," Clary laughed. "And a brunette. I'm sure they would love to go out and get drunk with you." Clary carefully picked up her canvas, carrying it over the other side of the room where there were racks for them to start drying. She had two other pieces at home that she could work on, so she didn't need to try and carry this one back to the apartment.

"Yeah, but those two are _fake_ redheads," Lydia pointed out with a roll of her nose. "I really should have taken a page out of yours and Simon's book," she continued with a grumble as she carried her own painting, following closely behind Clary. "Saved up for a year so that I could afford to live somewhere with only one other roommate. Honestly. Living with a bunch of girls looks so _fun_ when you see it in movies. And in reality, it's just a constant fight over who gets to use the bathroom first and who slept with the other chick's ex-boyfriend." Clary raised her eyebrow at that and Lydia nodded. "Yup. Shanae ended up getting it on with Riley's ex. I'm surprised you guys didn't hear the screaming up in your apartment."

"Well, I've been playing my music pretty loudly at night, trying to get out of my head while I'm painting. And Simon's working some long ass hours at that accounting firm, trying to get in good with the boss," Clary replied. "So when he get's home, he practically just passes out."

"In good with the boss? Or in good with the daughter? I heard he sorta has a thing for her," Lydia grinned.

"Yeah, he mentioned that," Clary laughed as she scrubbed her hands in the paint stained sink. "Good for him. Hopefully she's nowhere near as clingy as Maureen."

"We can only hope," Lydia scrunched up her nose. "Anyway, I've got a class now. You're heading off home now, right?" Clary nodded. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Clary nodded and leaned forward to give Lydia a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Bye, babe," Clary fare welled her as she joined together with the rest of the students that were leaving the art room. It was just after two, and she had no work tonight, and no classes until eleven the next day. So if she got home within the next half an hour, she could spend a solid eight or nine hours in her room, get some sleep, and then still be able to do some painting in the morning. Maybe Dot and Lydia were right, and she was working herself too hard, but she couldn't help it. The exhibit was only a few months away, and the pieces that she submitted were going to be what her final grade was marked on, and given how important this degree was for her, she was getting a bit stuck in her head. She was almost home when her phone vibrated in her pocket.

 _Come over?_

Part of her wanted to go over and see Jace, it had been a few weeks since she had seen him. There had been some texts exchanged, but they had both been busy, Jace with his club and Clary with school.

 _I want to, but I'm really busy. Painting and shit. Got the exhibit coming up and I'm kind of freaking out about it._

Jace knew what she was doing for her degree, and sometimes when they were getting high together, she would start rambling about the latest piece she was working on, and sometimes she would sketch pictures for him and leave them lying around his apartment. She thought that he must've thrown them away, which was fine, because they definitely weren't her best work given how spaced she generally was, but she found them one day—all of them—piled up in the drawer of his coffee table. It was kinda of sweet for him to keep them.

 _I understand._

Clary twisted her mouth and scrunched up her nose, feeling a bit strange at the disappointment that settled at the bottom of her stomach. She had kind of hoped that he would push a little harder to see her, but then it wasn't as though they ever did anything except get high and watch movies and eat together. She was pretty sure he had absolutely no trouble finding a dozen other girls his own age to do that—and a whole lot _more_ —with.

Simon wasn't at the apartment when she got back, which was to be expected. He had classes until four and then he would be going straight to Lightwoods Accounting. There was a half finished piece of pizza on a plate on the coffee table, and Clary rolled her eyes, knowing that it would have been Raphael who left it there, since he was the only one with a key to the apartment who left food and drink lying around the apartment. She rolled her eyes as she picked the plate up, throwing away the pizza in the trash and washing off the plate. Then she went down to her room, plugged her phone into the speakers and turned Zara Larsson up loud, and started painting.

She vaguely heard Simon coming in at some point, although she had absolutely no idea what time it was, and her phone buzzed a couple of times as well, indicating that she was getting messages, but she ignored it. By the time she fell into bed—not caring that there was wet paint on her arms and even some in her hair—her whole body felt numb and her fingers felt as though they were cramping. She could barely keep her eyes open, but still reached for her phone to check the messages before falling asleep.

 _Don't work too hard._

 _And don't stress out too much, your art is incredible._

Clary blinked at the messages from Jace, one of them received three hours ago, with the second one half an hour after that. There was one more message, as she skimmed her thumb over the screen, and despite how tired she was, she smiled and chewed down on her lower lip.

 _Come over soon, I miss finding your weird drawings everywhere._

She stared at the screen for a few minutes before dropping it back onto the bedside table and rolling over, falling asleep instantly.

 _Yesterday was World Mental Health Day, or today is that day for a lot of you, the 10th._

 _Please be kind to each other, people have so much going on in their heads that just isn't obvious from the outside._

 _Much love xx_


	11. Chapter 11

_Hey guys :) So this is my last update of the year. I've got quite a lengthy A/N below, but in case you guys don't want to read my droning on and on, then I want to wish you guys a safe and a happy holidays and I will be back next year xxx_

 _Also, I have posted several new stories, including a werewolf one called_ Put Your Heart On Mine, _and a biker one,_ Wrong Side Of A Parallel Universe _. I definitely have my favourite AU's. Haha. So check those out :)_

Clary's actual birthday was on a Monday, but the celebration was on a Saturday. Clary had thought that they were going to go out for brunch and then maybe out for drinks at a club—maybe even the beach, since it had been so long since they had been. It turned out that her friends had other plans, though. So Kaelie came over, with a brand new dress that Magnus had apparently put together just for her. It was gorgeous—and tiny—a silver slip of a thing with purple designs and a deep v neck that showed pretty much her whole chest, and an even deeper back. Kaelie had given her a kiss on the cheek and then disappeared, and that was when Simon had pounced on her, putting both hands firmly over her eyes.

"What the fuck is going on?" Clary shouted, trying to keep back her giggles as Simon pushed her forward gently.

"You need to step up," Simon told her.

"Now?" Clary questioned, stopping short and lifting up her leg. Simon obviously hadn't been expecting her to stop so quickly, because he bumped into her and started laughing, and even though she couldn't see, Clary could hear Lydia laughing somewhere behind them.

"Nope, just a little bit further," Simon prompted. Clary shuffled her feet along the ground, not wanting to hit into something. "Now," he told her, and Clary stopped again, lifting up her foot. She found the edge of something and lost her footing, but there were arms around her waist, steadying her. "Duck your head— _duck_!"

"Ow!" Clary winced, instinctively trying to pull away from Simon's hands to try and figure out what it was she had bumped her head on.

"She can probably look now, it's not like she's really going to see anything," Raphael piped up.

"And you've probably fucked up her make up," Lydia commented, not sounding particularly happy.

"You guys...Hired me a town car? How...Sweet?" Clary looked around from where she was now sitting in the backseat. "Uh, you realize we're _just_ in the street down from our apartment? You literally just had me blinded to come down the elevator and get in a car?"

"Well, Magnus said to blind fold you!" Simon protested as he got into the car as well. Raphael slid in on the other side of Clary and Lydia got in the front seat.

"So Magnus is involved in all of this as well?" Clary lifted an eyebrow and Raphael reached over to slap Simon upside the head with a huff.

"Ow," Simon tried to reach in front of Clary to slap Raphael back, and Clary rolled her eyes as she held up her arms, attempting to create a wall between them, to stop them from fighting.

"Seriously, no one would think that you're adults," she muttered. "Anyway, now that you have successfully smuggled me into the car, can you tell me where we're headed?" Simon looked as though he was about to respond, but this time it was Lydia who turned around in the front seat and shot him a glare. He intelligently decided to close his mouth and looked out the window, while Raphael smirked at Clary, slipping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a quick side hug.

It took twenty minutes to get to their destination and when they pulled up and Simon opened his door, Clary let out a snort as she slid across the back seat and looked up.

"So all of this mystery was to take me to Magnus'?" Clary lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, kind of," Simon added with a shrug. Lydia linked her fingers together with Clary's and lead the way into the apartment building. Magnus' apartment was a lot nicer than where the students lived, and it was bigger, given how well his clothing boutique did. They took the steps up the outside of the building to the second floor and as they walked along the concrete landing. As they got closer to the end, Clary could hear music playing faintly, and there were three people outside, all of them smoking. When they got closer still, Clary recognized two of them as Magnus' friends, and one of them was Sebastian Verlac.

"Hey, girl," Sebastian gave her a smile as he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and stubbed it out in the ash tray on the wooden hand railing. "Happy birthday," he leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

"Thanks," Clary smiled, returning the squeeze with her arm around his waist. Raphael opened the door and the music became a whole lot louder, and she realized that Magnus' apartment was completely filled with people.

"Surprise, biscuit!" Magnus cried as he came to the door, a mojito in his hand and his other one reaching out to grasp Clary's. His nails were painted dark with some sort of gold jewel pressed into the thumb nail, and he spun Clary around in a circle, making her red hair flair out, before tugging her into his side. "I know you wanted something low key with friends, but you can do that any time you want! This is your _birthday_!" Clary shook her head with a laugh as she looked around.

There were people from some of her classes, Lydia's roommates minus Shanae—who was currently on the outs with the other girls since she had been caught screwing one of the other girls ex-boyfriends. There were some of Magnus' friends who had become her friends in the time she had known the Indonesian man, and there were some of their other university friends. Unfortunately, there was also Maureen, who almost instantly attached herself to Simon's side, like a limpet.

"Hey, babe!" Helen Blackthorn cried out, coming over with her girlfriend in tow, a gorgeous dark haired girl who was an exchange student at their university from Beijing. Helen was in one of Clary's art history classes, although she was getting a degree in photography rather than painting. "Shit, you look good—"

"I have the best taste when it comes to clothes," Magnus bragged and reached forward to give Clary a firm kiss on the mouth which tasted strongly of tequila, so she was guessing that he had been drinking for some time. "You know that gorgeous hunk of a man I brought home a few weeks ago?"

"Alexander?" Clary asked with a lift of her eyebrow. "Yeah, I remember you screaming his name several _thousand_ times that night we were here." Magnus grinned, not looking abashed at all.

"Yes, well, if you're looking for an apology, there won't be any here," Magnus sung out. "Anyway, he's coming tonight. I think that I might just have to investigate that whole specimen further."

"Ooh, has Mags got a crush?" Clary teased and Magnus just fluttered his eyelashes.

"Maybe," he shrugged a shoulder. "Anyway, we need to get you a drink, babe! It's your birthday! If you don't need to be carried out of here, then you haven't celebrated it right!" Kaelie came over to her, given her a kiss on the temple and handing her a drink. Clary looked down at the blue concoction with a questioning look, but Magnus just put his finger underneath the cup and tapped it a few times, indicating that she should drink up.

Kaelie and Lydia barely left her side the whole evening, which was great. It felt good to drink with the girls, dancing with them in the lounge of Magnus' home, where he had pushed the couches and the coffee table towards the walls to make room for everyone. Kaelie kept on bringing blue drinks for Lydia and Clary to drink, and as the girls got more and more drunk, it seemed a lot less potent than it initially had been, a sure sign of how drunk they were getting.

Maureen was still attached to Simon, and unfortunately, her best friend looked rather miserable. But he had made his bed, so he had to lie in it, and while usually she would try to save him from her clutches, tonight was _her_ birthday, and she was going to have fun. At one point, her and Lydia were in the bathroom together, attempting to fix up their make up, and they fell into the bath, giggling and making out. There were a lot of times when they were drinking together that the pair of them ended up kissing, and Clary didn't mind at all, given how soft Lydia's lips were. That lead to a slurred heart-to-heart where Lydia said if she didn't love penis so much, she would consider going steady with Clary. Clary had responded that that was the sweetest thing that anyone had ever said to her, but she was exactly the same. She wouldn't be able to be committed to Lydia in the way that she deserved, because she too needed penis in her life as well.

Alexander—or Alec, has he preferred to go by—showed up an hour or so before midnight, and then both he and Magnus disappeared after just a couple of drinks and a game of beer pong. Clary liked what she had seen of the guy so far; while it didn't seem as though he talked all that much, and he didn't seem to smile much either, but he had kind eyes.

Kaelie and Clary listened at their door for a while, laughing as Magnus got vocal once more, really not caring that his apartment was filled with people.

Clary had no idea what time she left, but she knew that she left with Sebastian. She had lost track of Kaelie, and Lydia was making out with some gorgeous dark skinned man. Sebastian called them a taxi, and they went back to his place, where he lived with another two guys. The apartment was quiet, however, so his flat mates must be out, which was good, because Clary was too drunk to care about keeping her voice down.

"Shit!" Clary squeaked as Sebastian picked her up, her dress hiking up her thighs and her hair bouncing around her shoulders. She let out a laugh as Sebastian stumbled slightly, with the sudden shift in weight and also from the alcohol impeding his judgement, and Sebastian laughed as well before he managed to get them over to wall, pressing her up against it and then bringing their lips together.

"You're so fucking hot," Sebastian growled as they kissed. It was sloppy and Clary wasn't particularly keen on the taste of beer that was on his tongue, but she ignored it, because she was horny. She and Sebastian had slept together quite a few times over the past year and a half that she had known him, and while the sex wasn't mind blowing, it was still good. He pulled off her dress, throwing it onto the ground. If Clary was a little more sober, she would try to be more careful with the dress, given Magnus had only just made it, but in her state, she didn't even pay attention to where it was thrown.

In the end, it turned out they didn't even end up having sex.

"Shit," Clary sighed as Sebastian put her on the ground and spun her around, so that she was facing the wall and her hands were braced against it. She felt his fingers fumble between her legs until they finally slid inside her. It wasn't the best angle, but it was enough to get her off, as she stuck her ass out and spread her legs further apart. She'd only come once, and barely that, when Sebastian was grunting behind her, and she could feel him jerking off behind her, before coming over her lower back and her ass.

They fell into her bed, not bothering to clean up before they fell asleep.

 _So usually this is the point where I tell you guys some movies and songs that I'm super into. Since this is my last post, I had some other things I wanted to say. But I did see the new_ Halloween _movie, and_ The House With A Clock In Its Walls _and_ Venom _, and they were all good, although Venom was a bit of a let down. Also, anyone else a GallaVich supporter? I stopped watching_ Shameless _a few seasons ago, when it started spiraling, but holy shit, tumblr when crazy with the reunion, and that totally made my day. It was amaaaazing. These two boys deserve each other, and I'm so glad they got a very...fitting send off :)_

 _Right, well..._

 _This year has been hard. I feel this year has been bad for everyone. There have been the numerous mass shootings, it feels as though there is just one natural disaster after another and there is the continual, completely legitimate distrust of authorities who are meant to be the ones protecting us. There are so many things that I could write in here and specifically comment on, but I don't want to make this a political statement, just a statement that wherever we are in the world, we are all struggling. There are so many people struggling at the moment, but today, my heart goes out to the people of Brazil, all people in the Jewish community and to the beautiful LGBTQA members of the world, especially the transgender community, and specifically those in America._

 _There have been good things as well, though! The rescue of the boys in Thailand, the proud, unapologetic statement that Colin Kaepernick's Nike campaign made, the decriminalization of homosexuality in India, the incredible organisation and unity in the March For Our Lives and the utter love and support shown by so many people in this world toward one another. This was just demonstrated yet again in the past few days with the non profit Muslim organisations who set up the online funding for those in the Jewish community affected by this one of the most recent horrific attacks._

 _This year has also been hard for myself personally, as I'm sure some of you are aware from my posts. My mental health is probably the worst it's ever been, I'm dealing with some relationship issues with my husband, I lost the friendship of someone that I considered very close after a betrayal that left me spinning and over the past few months, it's been the one year anniversary of the deaths of three people, who all died within a month of each other. I consider myself pretty open with you guys about my problems, and a big reason for that is because I know how lonely this huge world can feel sometimes. I just hope that with me putting myself out there, if you guys are dealing with something similar, then hopefully you know you're not alone. While I don't always have the best words, if any of you ever want to PM me just to get things off your chest, I'm here. I don't always know what to say, but sometimes just putting your problems into words can help, and I am more than happy to be that person for any of you xx_

 _Alright._

 _Well._

 _That was all very intense, but I felt it was necessary. I'm sorry if it felt as though I was crossing a line with any of it, but that's why I said at the top that if you didn't want to read all of this, just read by first authors note!_

 _Anyway._

 _I hope every single one of you has a safe and incredible and happy holidays with the people you love the most, and I will be back next year, probably early February. Here's to a better next year xx_


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, my beautiful, wonderful readers! It's early February, so as promised, here's an update! I hope you guys have had an amazing past few months, and I hope you're still interested in these stories! Just a quick heads up that I've uploaded some oneshots, and I do still have a couple to post, but I had so many requests to update my multi-chapters, so I thought I would update these before continuing with my editing, so there are some more to come!**

 **Just a little disclaimer in here...I know Clary's actions here may be construed as a little slutty. And maybe they are. But at the end of the day, she's not in a relationship with anyone, and she's just having fun with no strings attached, to the best of her knowledge. It's also realistic, some people move from one to the next. So please, no shaming here.**

 **Anyway, here we go...**

"You're amazing," Clary mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate cake. It was incredible—moist and layered with berry coulis and cream, and Jace was just proving for the hundredth time over how perfect he was. "Oh my god, seriously. How are you single?" Jace just snorted and rolling his eyes, leaning forward and lighting up the bong that was on the table in front of him and breathing in deeply, the water bubbling and smoke rising in the chamber.

It had been a few weeks since they had been able to see each other, given both of their busy schedules, but a few days into the week after her birthday, Jace had messaged her ad said that he had made her a birthday cake. So naturally, Clary just _had_ to find time to get away and go and see him, because she was never one to turn down cake.

It was nice, being back in his apartment. She was getting used to apartments with actual nice furniture and that looked as though it got cleaned regularly, given she went to Magnus and Kaelie's place, who definitely didn't live like university students. But there was just something about Jace's apartment, it just felt...It felt calmer. And she felt more comfortable when she was there.

"So how was your birthday?" Jace asked, his eyes fixed on the TV as he leaned back on the couch, tilting his head back to let out the stream of smoke.

"It was good," Clary nodded. She had already smoked her way through a joint before having more cake, which had tasted even more heavenly after she was stoned, like most things did. "Party at Magnus', and then went out for lunch on my actual birthday. Mum and Luke sent me some money, so we ate like kings," she smirked. "And by kings, I meant that we didn't eat two minute noodles or re-heatable pizza for dinner." Jace gave her a half smile as she got up from where she had been sitting on the ground, cross legged, and carried her plate back to the kitchen.

Her legs felt heavy and her eyes kept closing. She wasn't _that_ stoned, but she was also tired, and she liked how relaxed she was right now. Clearly, she was so relaxed that she wasn't thinking about what was coming out of her mouth, or she may have censored her next sentence.

"Still didn't get what I wanted for my birthday," she stated as she came back to the lounge, standing still, but leaning forward over the back of the couch and resting her forearms against it. "Oral." Jace almost choked, given he had been about to take another hit from the bong, and he managed to stop himself by pulling back.

"Oral?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oral," Clary confirmed with a sigh, her eyes fixed on the TV, which was playing an episode of _Archer_. "I mean, it's meant to be this great thing, right? But I've never experienced that! Just...Would have been nice to get some for my birthday? Apparently giving head is something that college guys are just _shit_ at. Sebastian couldn't even get around to the actual _having sex_ part."

"College guys," Jace repeated back with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, but still..." Clary pouted a little. Jace was staring at her, completely taken aback by her statement. But then he shrugged.

"I can help with that," he stated, before leaning back forward to the bong. His thumb stroked over the lighter and lit up the bowl, as he left the ball in Clary's court. She blinked slowly and turned her head to look at him.

"What?" She asked dumbly. She watched as his lips stretched around the mouth piece, as the muscles of his throat shifted, and then pull back from the bong and tilt his head back. He held the smoke in for a few beats before slowly pursing his lips and letting the hazy smoke out. He was...He was so achingly pretty, it just wasn't even fair. And she had definitely thought about kissing him—and going a lot further with him. "Yes," she blurted out. Jace's eyebrows arched as he looked at her.

"Yes?" He checked, his voice croaking slightly.

"Yes," Clary nodded, hoping that her voice was firm, and that she wasn't hallucinating from the different strand of weed that they had smoked that night. She hadn't heard of people ever hallucinating on marijuana before, but this whole circumstance sounded as though it was potentially too good to be true.

"Okay," Jace nodded. He reached out, pushing the table further away from the front of the couch. "Move onto the couch."

"Huh?" Clary blinked, still not sure if she totally believed that this was happening.

"Move onto the couch," Jace repeated, raising one eyebrow at her. She opened her mouth to speak again but Jace stood up, towering over her even though there was a couch between them. "On the couch, Clary." The arousal she felt before, simmering below the surface, rose at his order. She loved it when a man took control, and it was like Jace knew that. Maybe she had told him before, in one of their weed infused conversations. She moved from where she had been standing behind the couch, sitting down on the edge and waiting as Jace to move. For a moment she wondered if he was going to kiss her, because she honestly didn't know if she could handle that, but he just put two fingers on her shoulder and pushed her so she was slumped backwards, her legs still hanging off the end of the couch while her torso was resting against the cushions. He hooked his fingers under the sides of her shorts and thong, pulling it down her long, smooth legs and revealing her glistening pussy to him.

"Fuck..." she mumbled as the cool air touched her.

"Pull down your shirt, Clary," Jace said as he ran his hands up her legs, to her inner thighs. He felt her muscles tense under his touch and he knew his body was already reacting to hers. "Pull down your shirt, Clary, and touch yourself." She made a low moan at the back of her throat and Jace had to bite down savagely on his lower lip to stop from responding with a moan of his own. She tugged at the low hem of her top, tucking it under her bra. Both hands went to her breasts, massaging them roughly, drawing circles around her nipples and then pulling at them. He dropped a kiss to the inside of her thigh, dragging his tongue up from her knee toward her centre.

"God, Jace," Clary groaned as he licked over the skin of her hip joint.

It was then that Jace realized he had made a huge mistake.

Hearing her moan out his name was like a shot of heroin in his veins and he wasn't sure how he was ever going to be able not to hear it again.

"Clary," Jace gritted his teeth. She dropped her hand to his head, her fingers burying themselves in his short hair and tugging at it. "Keep touching yourself." She whimpered low and went back to her breasts. He looked up at her, her cheeks red and her eyes closed. She opened them to stare down at him, her eyes clouded with lust and shooting pangs of arousal through him. He quickly diverted his gaze, looking back down at the apex of her legs.

Not that the sight of her was helping with his cock, which was now hard in his pants and aching.

He moved forward and ran his tongue up her slit, a long groan coming from deep inside Clary and her legs automatically tried to clench shut. Jace pushed her thighs apart, pushing them further than they were before so that she was wide open for him. The taste of her was sweet and even better than he had ever imagined and it was going to get him through the next few nights in his shower. He did it again, her lips parting to show her opening and her already swollen clit. He circled her clit and she jerked underneath him. He did it again, this time with the tip of his tongue, teasing her, her hands clenching over her breasts and her chest rising and falling as she breathed rapidly.

"You taste good, Clary," Jace couldn't help but mumble against her wet skin and he felt a tremble run through her body. He continued to play with her clit, rolling it over with his tongue, then sliding his flattened tongue up and down her slit. She sucked in a sharp breath as he skimmed over her entrance but didn't actually dip inside.

"Jace," she moaned. "Jace, come on..." she rolled her hips upward toward his face but he just pulled back. She lifted her head to look at him and glare. "This is meant to _my_ birthday present, remember?" She tried to sound angry, but as his tongue continued to run up and down her opening, it came out more like a breathy sigh. And in all fairness, there was no way in hell that she could be angry, because this was the best oral that she had ever gotten.

"Calm down, princess, I'm getting there," he replied with a slight smirk as he looked up at her. She growled but it didn't dissuade him. He tortured her, giving her just enough pleasure to bring her right to the brink but not push her over. The pressure inside of her was rising and she thrust her hips upward to his face, searching for more. And after a couple minutes, he relented slightly, not going inside of her but sucking hard on her clit, his teeth brushing the sensitive skin.

"Fuck!" Clary gasped out, the new sensation just enough to tip her over, her cream flowing. And that was when Jace went inside of her, pulling back and plunging two fingers, knuckle deep, inside her convulsing walls. This time, she screamed out, her back arching violently off the couch, her fists grasping the cushions on either side of her. He plunged his fingers into her relentlessly, the thumb of his other hand pinching her clit and then she was crashing into her second orgasm of the night.

Her body went limp some time after the third, and her mind was fuzzy from the weed and the orgasms. She slumped down against the couch, her eyes fluttering closed, not caring all that much about the fact that she was still naked from the waist down, and that the neck of her shirt was pulled down low.

Jace wiped down his mouth and then rested back on his haunches as he took her in. His golden eyes flickered over her body, and he really wished that there was more light in the lounge than just from the TV behind him. Clary's chest was rising and falling, and her eyes were closed, her eyelashes glancing over the apples of her cheeks, and her lips were red and bitten, and he really, _really_ wished he could kiss her. He had wanted to kiss her a couple of times before, the younger girl stirring all sorts of feelings in his chest in the time that they had gotten closer, but right now, it was right in his grasp.

He stopped himself, though.

Jace gently pulled her underwear up, shifting her around awkwardly, and then readjusting the shirt that she was wearing. He had undressed her a couple of times, when he had transferred her from the couch to the bed, but he had never actually seen her this exposed, only ever taking off pants and sometimes her shirt to make her more comfortable, putting her in one of his baggy shirts, she always had her bra and underwear on. Once she had her underwear back on, he lifted her up off the couch, and walked down the hall to his room. He was careful, trying not to jostle her as he put her down, then pulled the blankets back and tucked her underneath. Jace then stood up, staring down at her once again. Generally, he would go back and sleep on the couch, and he had no problem with that.

But Clary sleepily reached out with one hand, a couple of her fingers latching around his and she tugged at it. He was pretty sure if he walked away, she wouldn't notice, given how dozy she was, but he didn't want to resist her. After taking in a deep breath, Jace pulled his shirt over his head, folding it loosely and putting it on the chair in the corner of the room, and then slid in bed next to her. He moved further toward the centre of the bed, lifting Clary's head lightly so that his arm was around her shoulder, and she mumbled under her breath, warm puffs of air tickling the light smattering of hairs across his chest. She pulled herself closer to him, shifting her leg so that it was thrown over his. By the time he was comfortable, she was fast asleep.

"Goodnight, pretty girl," he murmured, the term of endearment coming out naturally. He kissed her on the forehead, his arm tightening around her shoulder as he fell asleep.

 **Right! So, here's the super, super long A/N—sorry! I had a great Christmas and New Years time, not really doing much, just spending time at the beach and with my husband and with some of best friends. This year has started well, there's been a few bad days, but hey, happens to everyone. I hope your year has started just as good, and you spent it with family and friends if that's what you prefer, and that you spent it alone and quiet if that's what you prefer.**

 **I wanted to say that I managed to get around to most of peoples oneshots, at least the ones that struck a chord with me because some of prompts just aren't the type that I can write, and I had fun with the ones I wrote! You can still send me prompts or requests through the year, and I try and get to them near the end of the year when I focus on oneshots. Can be in a huge variety of fandoms, just ask me :)**

 **On with the recommendations!**

 **TV Shows: _Roswell: New Mexico_. Well. I loooved the original series, even if I can see a lot of flaws in it when watching it now back to when I was a teenager. I'm enjoying the reboot so far, I really like the change up in Liz, and Michael's relationship with Alex. I love that Tyler Blackburn from Pretty Little Liars is in it, and Michael Trevino from Vampire Diaries, because he was one of my favourite characters from VD. Anyway. Fingers crossed it goes well. And I intensely ship Max/Liz already, and not because I know they're supposed to get together, but because I love their chemistry, which is more than the original series, at least for my side. Oh and _The Runaways_ Season 2! I liked Gert a lot more in this one. Ooh, and _Sex Education_. That show is absolutely brilliant. Like, insanely brilliant. I'm so glad it's been renewed for another season. I also started watching _The Following_ for the hundredth time because this show is amazing.**

 **Music: _6 Figures_ by Kings, _Run Away With Me_ by Carly Rae Jepsen, _Old News_ by Mitch James, _Wasted_ by Jesse McCartney and _Bad_! by XXXTENTACION. Ooh, and _Saturday Nights_ by Khalid, _Bury A Friend_ by Billie Eilish and _Wild Enough_ by Elina.**

 **Movies: _Tomb Raider_ , which I watched for the second time the other week and I quite enjoyed it, a lot more than the first time I watched it. Alicia Vikander is a babe. Also _How To Train Your Dragon 3_. Holy shit. I knew this one was going to get me in the feels, but I didn't expect to cry twice. It was beautiful. Also the new _Robin Hood._ Maybe I'm biased because I love Taron Egerton, but I didn't think it was anywhere near as bad as what the reviews said. I know it wasn't great, but I still enjoyed it, and Marian was a badass.**

 **Now, I've got some questions! Thought I'd change things up a little this year.**

 **So; what is your favourite song right now? Mine would be a tie between _Run Away With Me_ by Carley Rae Jepsen and _Back To Life_ by Hailee Steinfield.**

 **What is...Your favourite movie that you've seen recently? Mine would be _Spiderman: Into The Spiderverse_.**

 **Aaaand what is your favourite fandom to read in? For me it would be a tie between the DC fandom and _Harry Potter_ right now, although it changes frequently.**

 **Talk to me, let me know what you thought and answer the questions if you feel inclined to!**


	13. Chapter 13

Clary woke up the next morning feels completely sated. It took a couple of minutes for her to look around and remember everything that had happened last night, and when it did, she couldn't help the small smile that curved her lips. She shut her eyes, turning her head on the pillow and rolling over, and then opened her eyes quickly as she realized that the pillows next to her and the blankets were disturbed. It wasn't like she kept to her side of the bed when sleeping by herself, she had a tendency to star fish, but they blankets were actually pulled back, as though someone had been in the bed next to her and had gotten out, and there was still an indent in the pillow.

Jace had slept in the bed with her last night.

 _After_ he had gone down on her.

The small smile shifted, to something a little goofy, as she relived just how good that orgasm last night had been. It had been fucking amazing, and she had no idea how the hell she was supposed to go back to settling for inexperienced guys at university after that. In the back of her mind, she knew that she should be a little bit worried about what last night might change between her and Jace, but they were both adults, and he seemed like the kind of guy who would just brush the whole thing off. He had never been the type to talk things through, usually he didn't talk all that much _at all_ , she would be the one doing all the talking, she barely knew _anything_ about him.

She had to admit, she was kind of disappointed that Jace hadn't kissed her last night. They had shotgunned when smoking up a hundred times before and their lips had brushed and multiple times she had considered kissing him. He had an incredible mouth, and his lips always looked so soft...She was pretty sure he wouldn't pull away, he would be more than happy to go along with it, but she had always stopped herself.

Maybe things had shifted a little after last night. She would be more than happy to start fooling around with Jace, he was fucking gorgeous, he was funny in a subtle, sarcastic way, he didn't push her for things, he made her feel relaxed and comfortable, and he was more than happy to share a seemingly endless supply of good food and great weed.

Clary swung her legs over the edge of the bed and was about to look for her pants when she heard voices outside the room. At first she thought that maybe Jace was just watching something on TV and had it turned up, but then she realized that it was Jace talking to someone. A female. Clary frowned as she got out of bed, picking up her phone which Jace must have put on the ground beside her side of the bed last night, and crept over to the doorway to try and listen in. It wasn't that she was nosy by nature, but there was something in Jace's voice that almost sounded angry.

Clary bit down on her lower lip as her eyes skimmed the room, finding her pants and also the jersey she had taken off pretty much as soon as she had gotten to his apartment. She dressed quietly, trying to be as silent as possible, wincing when there was a slight creak on the floorboards, but the voices continued. She walked back to the doorway, not wanting to put her head around the door to look at who was out there with Jace, but it seemed as though the girl was angry, because her voice was just getting louder.

"What the fuck are you doing, Jace?! She's in your _bed_ right now?! You don't even _know_ _her_!" Clary swallowed hard, quickly realizing that _she_ was the 'she' and 'her' that was clearly upsetting Jace's companion. "She's just some—some kid!"

"She's only a couple of years younger than me," Jace's voice was quiet, but Clary could still hear him from the bedroom, and there was a sharp edge to his words. "And it's not like she's some stranger."

"What is she—twenty one? Twenty two?!" The woman snapped.

"And how old is that guy that you keep going on about?" Jace sounded defensive.

"That's different! I'm only twenty four, and I'm taking things slow with him. We're getting to know each other, we're not just jumping straight into bed with each other!" The woman shot back, and Clary wanted to step out of the bedroom, to say something about the fact that her and Jace had known each other for a while now—getting close to a year—and this was the first time anything that a _more_ than friends event had happened. She had wanted it before, usually when she was high and he was a little looser than his usual quiet and uptight self, but it never _had_. "And it's not just about her age. You need to stop fooling around with this tramp who is just taking advantage of your hospitality and the way you feel about her!"

That hit Clary right in the stomach.

Anger was curling in her stomach, and given how much she _wasn't_ a morning person, the fact that she felt _completely_ awake and infuriated, with this woman calling her a tramp and saying that she was taking advantage of Jace spoke volumes for just how upset she was.

Her hands curled into fists, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hand. It was lucky that she had tucked her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, or she had a feeling that the plastic case of the iPhone would be cracking under the pressure right now.

"Look, you don't see me commenting on your relationships and shit, Iz! And I expect the same thing for you!" Jace snapped, and Clary swallowed hard, not sure how she felt about that statement. Sure, he was pretty much telling her to butt out of their business, but he also wasn't defending Clary, and also was—he calling what they had a _relationship_?

Did he really think of her that way?

"Jace! I'm just fucking looking out for you here! You hadn't been right since Maia, and then this chick comes waltzing in, just a few months later, and suddenly she's the one that you're making fancy dinners for and letting fall asleep on your couch—she's like a rebound girlfriend, except from everything you've told me about her, she doesn't feel the same as you. So you're just making a fool of yourself over this girl who is using you to escape boring life where she's totally broke and can only afford two minute noodles and toast because she's still a fucking _student_ and spending what money she can on weed." Clary licked her lips and ground her teeth together, pinching the skin on the inside of her lip.

"This has got nothing to do with Maia!" Jace sounded enraged at that thought and Clary's eyebrows raised.

"Who the fuck is Maia?" She murmured under her breath, although in all honesty, that wasn't the most important question she had right now. One of the main things running through her mind was 'who was the fucking bitch with Jace?'.

"Clary is _not_ Maia! She's a friend, and if there was anything else going on between us, then that's between me and her!"

"I'm not the only one who feels this way! You don't think Alec thinks the same thing?!"

"Well, if Alec feels the same, then _he_ can come and talk to me about it. I'm pretty sure that he would find a better time to come and talk to me about than when I'm half asleep in the morning and Clary is literally sleeping in the next room!" Jace let out a heavy sounding high, and Clary chewed down hard on her lower lip. "What goes on between me and her is none of your business."

"You're my cousin—and one of my best friends. I'm just telling you this because I'm looking out for you," the woman dropped her voice to a softer tone, but Clary already hated her. This woman had called her a tramp, said that she was using Jace, said that she was taking advantage of him, pretty much said that the only reason that Jace was even interested in her was because Clary was a rebound for some girl named Maia—all before this woman had even talked or _met_ Clary.

She took in a deep breath as she strode out of Jace's room, hoping that her face didn't give anything away as she squared her jaw.

The instant she came into view, Jace and the woman—Iz—fell silent. Jace's eyes flicked between Clary and the unfairly pretty woman next to him, and it looked as though he was trying to judge if Clary had heard anything. Clary tried to keep her stony, unreadable expression, but it slipped as she walked across the room, and she saw the guilty expression on Jace's face and he stepped forward.

"Clary—" he began, but she walked straight by him, toward the door. She heard Jace swear under his breath and he started to move toward her, but she didn't even bother stopping to slip into her shoes as she reached the door and threw it open. "Clary—wait!" There was no way in _fucking hell_ that Clary was waiting, and she practically flew down the steps, nearly tripping over more than once, but just kept on running.

It was stupid, because Clary had heard people bad mouth her before. It wasn't as though she had many enemies or anything, but everyone got bullied at some stage in their life. And she was in University, she had fun experimenting with her sexuality, she knew that some people called her slutty because of that, but that was pretty easy to brush. Maybe because she knew that she acted a little slutty, but she was young, and she was having fun, and she wasn't hurting anyone.

This girl, though—she made it sound as though she was _exploiting_ Jace, and only interested in him because he fed her and gave her weed.

The first time they had properly met was about eight months ago. Clary had seen him at the club a few times, but he never seemed particularly interested in talking to anyone, only making sure the bar was running smoothly before returning out the back. Then she had heard from someone in one of her classes that he also sold weed, and they had given her his number. She had text him, and he had told her to come over. It had been strange, because when she had shown up at the address he had given her, the way he looked at her was as though he recognized her.

Clary never asked if it was because he had seen her before at the club, she just sort of rolled with it.

Jace invited her in, said that she could 'test the merchandise'. Clary hadn't thought twice about it, and had gone in, and they had shared a bong, some of the best weed she had ever smoked. He had told her the first one was free. She had gone back a few weeks later, and he had been cooking dinner, and he had said she could join him. They had eaten dinner and watched _American Horror Story_ , and then smoked.

It had sort of just kept on happening, until it was a pretty regular thing.

It didn't totally make sense, but she liked what they had.

"Clary?" Lydia was on the couch when she got home, and she looked as though she had just woken up, so she had probably crashed out on the couch last night. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Clary said shortly, charging through the apartment and straight to her room, slamming the door shut. It wasn't until she collapsed on her bed that she realized she was crying, and her feet were absolutely aching from practically running the whole way home without any shoes on.

It was only a few minutes later that her door opened, and a sleepy looking Lydia and Simon came in. They didn't say a word as they climbed onto her single bed, curling themselves around her comfortingly.

 **I've written this about four times now, and I'm just going to keep it simple.**

 **On the 15th of March 2019, there was a terrorist attack in my beautiful country, New Zealand. This is the first ever mass shooting on this level during peace time in the beautiful islands that I have spent my whole life in.**

 **This doesn't happen here. We don't have mass shootings. We don't have a fear of one another to the point where it drums up anger that turns to hate.** **In the words of our absolutely incredible Prime Minister, " _They are us_."**

 **We are all one people, and we can't let hate win.**

 **I hope you all spend time with people that you love and cherish, and I hope you never hold back to show this.**

 **Arohanui and Kia Kaha x**


	14. Chapter 14

"I thought this guy was better than the general college fuckwit that we're used to dealing with," Lydia muttered angrily as she looked down the short hallway to where Clary's door was closed. Her and Simon were in the small kitchen of the apartment, getting dinner ready for themselves and for Raphael and Clary. "What the fuck happened? Has she told you anything?"

"Nope," Simon shook his head. "I don't know what changed."

"They probably fucked, right?" Raphael suggested, not bothering to lower his voice like the two other friends were doing, even though Clary's door was shut, the TV in the lounge was on, and there was also music coming loudly from the redheads room. It didn't stop Lydia from glaring at him and reaching over to slap his arm. "What?!" Raphael grumbled, rubbing his arm as he stepped out of the reach of the blonde. "It's true, they probably did."

"Well..." Lydia huffed, now completely given up on pretending to help Simon with dinner, which was probably a good thing, because she really wasn't the best cook. Simon took over looking after the white sauce that she had been absent mindedly serving, and began stirring it quickly, trying to get rid of the lumps that had started forming. "I don't see how that would have made things worse. They seem to get on really well, and if they were anyone else, they would have started fucking ages ago. Hell—they would probably be dating by now."

"Maybe we should just give it a few more days," Simon said wisely, knowing his best friend better than most. "Just give her some space, let her work things out. She'll come to us when she's ready."

"You know I'm not patient," Lydia huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest and came out of the kitchen, circling around to the other side of the bench to stand next to Raphael. He gave her a narrow eyed look, as though he was worried that she was going to hit him again, but he relaxed when she kept her arms crossed. "Well, we've got class at seven in the morning tomorrow. You think she'll come?"

"She won't blow off her class," Simon said confidently. "Doesn't matter what happened, she's only missed three art classes in the past two years. Twice when she was so sick I had to ring her mum to force her to go to the doctors, and once when I had that asthma attack and she had to take me to the hospital. She goes hungover all the time. She's not going to let some guy stop her." Lydia pursed her lips, and it didn't look as though she totally agreed with Simon, but she knew that he knew their friend best. So she fell quiet, and leaned almost unconsciously against Raphael, as though for comfort. Raphael slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her in close to his side.

* * *

Lydia kept giving her looks, and Clary knew that it was just because her friend was worried about her, but it was starting to get on her nerves. She purposefully turned the music in her ears up even louder, and focused on the painting in front of her. She probably should talk to her friends, and tell them what was going on—the truth was probably nowhere near as bad as they thought it was. They probably thought that Jace had done something to her, had hurt her, when in all honesty, she didn't quite get _why_ she was so upset.

It wasn't even as though Jace had said anything bad, in fact, he had defended her to the bitch who had traipsed in there, early in the morning and starting spouting off shit about their relationship, even though she had never even met Clary.

But maybe the problem was that Clary didn't even know _her_. Had never even heard of her before.

Maybe a big part of the problem was that—even though Clary was _not_ just after Jace's food or money or weed or _whatever_ it was that the woman this morning thought that she was using him for—but that this woman was clearly important to Jace, and she had no idea who she was. She had no idea who this other girl, Maia, was either, and clearly she was a big part of Jace's life as well, or at least, had been.

Jace was under no obligation to tell her _anything_ about his life, because they weren't a couple, they were just...Sort of friends, stoner pals, dinner buddies—but it still felt as though he knew so much more about her than she did about him. Part of that was just their differing personalities, because Jace had never been the type to talk all that much and Clary was the opposite, but it made her realize just how little she really knew about Jace.

Pretty much nothing.

When Clary got home that night, after working a shift at the library with Lydia, who was giving her the distance she wanted, she ran into Simon, who was looking like he was all dressed up and had even properly parted his hair.

"Hey," Simon paused on his way to the door as Clary came in.

"Hey," Clary gave him a small smile. "Date with Maureen?"

"Actually..." Simon gave her a bashful smile. "You know the bosses daughter?" He asked and Clary's eyebrows lifted.

"Oh, _really_?" She asked in a teasing voice. "You finally got up the balls to do that? Have you cut the ties with Maureen?"

"I told her that there was someone else that I really liked," Simon admitted, and there was a pained look on his face, which said the conversation properly went as well as Clary could imagine. Maureen wasn't exactly the quiet type, and she had made it pretty clear to everyone involved that she was interested in Simon. "I apologize in advance if there's any nasty messages left in blood on our door."

"Oh, lovely," Clary rolled her eyes. "But good on you. She was..." she scrunched up her nose. "You could do better," she concluded and Simon let out a short laugh.

"Yeah, well, I'm hoping that maybe things go better with this one," he admitted with a bit of a bashful shrug.

"Well, you look great," Clary gave him a small smile and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. She was moving around him and heading toward her bedroom when Simon called out to her, and the smile from his face was gone and he looked concerned. "What?" Clary asked, her step faltering. "What's wrong?"

"No, it's just..." Simon paused and licked his lips. "I mean, I can do it some other time." Clary frowned at him and turned back so she was facing him fully. "I can stay in tonight, if you want me to." She seemed to realize what he was getting at and she rolled her eyes.

"Oh my god—no!" Clary shook her head. "You guys are all acting as though I just went through a really bad break up, _which I didn't_. While I appreciate your offer, _no_ , go! Have fun!" Simon hesitated for a moment before flashing her a smile and heading out the door. Clary's smile dropped and she let out a sigh as she went to her bedroom. She dropped her bag on the ground and fell backwards on her bed, bouncing up and down a few times before she settled down flat.

She didn't want to waste anymore of her time thinking about Jace.

What had happened yesterday shouldn't even _matter_.

And yet...

Clary let out a frustrated growl as she wiggled around on the bed to get her phone out of her back pocket and opened up the Facebook app. She typed in his name, found his Facebook page and clicked on his profile picture. It was a good photo, it looked like he was at a park. He had a ball cap on backwards, his shaggy hair almost looking fluffy around his face. There were only a couple of other photos on his page, some along and some with friends, that she was almost embarrassed to admit she had stared at to the point of having the memorized. But this time, she went to his friends, with a different idea in mind.

 _Mya_.

It came up with no results.

 _Maya_.

It also didn't come up with any results.

Clary deleted the last two letters, so only the M and A were in the search bar, and there were two hits. The second one was a pretty looking girl with curly dark hair, who's name was _Maia Roberts_. Clary clicked on her profile picture and found that her page was a bit less private and a bit more active than Jace's. She was in a relationship, with someone called Jordan Kyle, and she had a baby, quite a new baby it seemed, given how many pictures there were of a little girl with big, brown eyes who looked around two or three months old. Absolutely beautiful baby girl, and Maia and Jordan seemed smitten with her, and with each other, judging by the other pictures.

Her page was a lot more public that Jace's, or maybe it was that she just spent a lot more time online. There were a lot of photos, the newer ones were all with the baby, and a lot with her partner. Older photos had her with groups of people, out drinking. And then Clary got into the photos about two years ago, and she blinked as she recognized Jace is one of the photos. The more she flicked through them, the heavier her stomach got.

Jace and this girl Maia had clearly been together at one stage, it actually looked as though they had been together for so long. Jace looked younger, a bit lighter, although it still didn't look as though he smiled much. There was a photo of Maia on his lap, with her arm around his shoulder and their heads pressed together, another one that also had the girl 'Izzy' in it.

They looked as though they were in love.

Clary let out a sigh and dropped her phone onto her bed.

This wasn't helping anything.

She wasn't sure what time it happened, but Clary fell asleep, and it was late before she woke up again. It wasn't that she hadn't been getting much sleep, but maybe it was just the stress of school and work and, unfortunately, Jace, that had caught up with her. It was dark outside, and she sleepily pulled her curtains across before fumbling around for her phone. She smiled at the top couple of notifications. One was from Simon saying that he was going to be out later than he expected, and that he might not even be home that night. She sent a response saying that she hoped it all went well.

The next couple of notifications were snapchats, a couple from Lydia and another one from Raphael. It seemed like they were together, which Clary was happy about. First, it meant Lydia wasn't stuck down in her apartment with the bunch of stroppy girls that she lived with, and second, hopefully it meant that Raphael and Lydia were taking a step closer to actually being together. It was just a matter of time, in Clary's eyes.

But the last two notifications made Clary get that melancholy feeling in her chest all over again.

 _Come over for dinner?_

She hadn't replied, because she had been asleep, but he didn't know that. An hour after his first message, he sent another one.

 _Then another time? Please._

Clary didn't reply, taking in a deep breath as she put her phone back down on the bed and closed her eyes again.

 **So my song recommendations this week... _Polygraph Eyes_ by Yungblud, I think it's incredible. Also the live cover version _I Will Follow You Into The Dark_ by Yungblud and Halsey, and this also shows incredible chemistry between them. So, Yungblud, real name Dominic Harrison...I totally understand that he's not everyone's cup of tea, but I adore him. He's only twenty-one and he has written some incredible songs. _Polygraph Eyes_ is about sexual assault and the consent issue that is so big right now. _Medication_ that talks about our heavily medicated society, and _Kill Somebody_ , which is a something of a visual representation of depression and anxiety, which hits hard for me. He's really open about his own mental illness and ADHD, and he's continually breaking down gender norms and sexual stereotypes—dude wears more pink that a Disney princess, rocks dresses and skirts, regularly makes out with his guitarist and has a beautiful relationship with Halsey. I recommend him so much, he's just so unapologetically himself and blunt and incredible, please, please, please check him out. **

**TV series and movies...I'm really enjoying _Bull_ and _Ray Donovan_ at the moment. Also, _Animal Kingdom_ , which I started watching for Finn Cole, who is also in _Peaky Blinders_ , and it's fucking amazing. So is _Peaky Blinders_ , though. So both of them. We also recently rewatched _Hairspray_ , which I adore. Haha. **

**Ooh, also! We have release date for the new _Veronica Mars_ series! I feel like I've been waiting a life time for it. And for _Big Little Lies_! I wasn't to keen on a second season just because the first one was complete and there was only one book, but I'm still excited for it. **

**I've gone to a couple of concerts this month; Anne Marie and Billie Eilish. Both of them had such incredible voices live, they sounded pretty much exactly like their studio recordings and they had such insane energy. Anne Marie seemed like a total sweetheart, full of smiles and giggles, and then Billie was just amazing, that girl is going places given she's gotten this far and she's only seventeen. The whole crowd for Billie was on their feet the whole time, even us in the seated section—she was just magnetic. Tickets for her were insane, we only just managed to get some in the last release.**

 **Ooh, and Drax Project have a new music video out for their song _Woke Up_ Late featuring Hailee Steinfeld. My hubby wasn't too happy, because it's got Liza Koshy in it and he finds her frustrating at hell. **

**Now for my questions! Okay...What is a ship, or multiple ships, that have broken your heart, or that have really made you feel just a little fucked up? Can be canon or not. My top one would have to be Hanna/Caleb from _Pretty Little Liars_. I absolutely fucking hated season 6 and 7 of _PLL_ , and I stopped watching it until they got back together, and even then, it actually felt like my whole stomach had been ripped out of my body when there was the whole Spencer/Caleb story line. And then the other two would be Landon/Jamie from _A Walk To Remember_ and Ian/Mickey from _Shameless_. Holy shit. My fucking heart. There are plenty of other couples that really hit me as well, Steve/Bucky from _Avengers_ , Alex/Michael from _Roswell: New Mexico_ , Bellamy/Clarke from _The 100_ , Logan/Veronica from Veronica Mars, Chuck/Blair from _Gossip Girl_ , Will/Alicia from _The Good Wife_ and Jane/Michael from _Jane The Virgin_ to name a few.**

 **Next one; what is your favourite colour? Super easy, right? Haha. Although I don't have one, so maybe it's not...Green or purple? Maybe? Haha.**

 **And then; are you preparing to be emotionally fucked up by _Avengers: Endgame_ , or are you completely indifferent? I'm seeing it in a couple of hours, and I tell you, I am fucked. And I am _going_ to be so fucked. I've looked up every spoiler possible, watched a bit of the leaked footage and I'm still not prepared. If you guys want any spoilers or anything, just message me, and I'll try to retain everything through my hysteria.**

 **Just as my last point, my love and heart goes out to those in Sri Lanka. My cousin and I cried when waking up and reading what happened and I can't even fathom how those who were involved and directly affected are feeling right now.**

 **Love to you all xx**


	15. Chapter 15

"Yes!" Kaelie nodded, pushing Clary's shoulder gently to encourage her to turn around in a full circle. "Seriously, girl, I should just have you permanently at our boutique, you make all our clothes look good. I could just pay for you to stand in our window and model our clothes." Clary rolled her eyes, but she cracked a grin as she left the bedroom to walk across the hall to the bathroom. It was a purple and silver dress, with just one shoulder and almost reaching her knees. Magnus was throwing a party at his place, and Kaelie was getting ready at Clary's with her and Lydia, and she had brought over a couple of dresses for them to try on. They had also been drinking, Kaelie had brought over a bottle of wine and Lydia had probably had half the bottle on her own.

"Alright, so I need—" Raphael came into the bathroom, the shirt he was wearing completely unbuttoned and showing off his torso. He cut off as he saw Clary standing there and raised his eyebrows, letting out a whistle. "Shit, girl, looking good."

"Don't let Lydia catch you with your mouth open," Clary teased, tapping one of her fingers under his chin. "I'm pretty sure you're getting close to _finally_ getting a kiss from her." Raphael rolled his eyes at her, but he didn't bother denying it, because it wasn't exactly a secret among the group of them. Clary was pretty sure even Lydia knew, it was just that she was taking her time, making sure that she actually felt the same and was ready to settle down before she said anything to him, which was smart.

"Well, I need the bathroom. This hair doesn't do itself," Raphael told her and Clary laughed as she skipped past him, back to her room. Lydia was laying on her bed, only wearing a black pair of underwear, not at all caring about her bare breasts being completely on display for the world as she scrolled through her Facebook feed on her phone.

"Okay, you realize we're leaving in like twenty minutes, right?" Clary asked her blonde friend as she walked over to her cupboard to find a pair of shoes in her closet.

"And it only takes two seconds to put on a dress," Lydia sung out, lifting her head off the pillow to wink at Clary before she let her head fall back down again. Kaelie was working her way into the highest pair of heels that Clary had ever seen, tying the straps up her toned calves.

It was two weeks since the incident at Jace's house, and it was about four days after it had happened that she decided there was really no point in dwelling on it. Jace and her weren't together, and this other girl didn't even _know_ her. He had been in a relationship with a girl before, because of _course_ he had, she hadn't expected him _not_ to have been, and it just so happened that this girl now had a baby. She wasn't a rebound because _they weren't_ together. The other girl who had showed up in the flat just sounded like a judgmental bitch who seemed a bit jealous, and Clary was never going to see her again, so she might as well just get over it and move on.

The girls were ready in just under the twenty minute mark, Lydia staying true to her word and not putting on her dress until the last minute, and Raphael handed around shot glasses filled with tequila. They toasted each other before throwing them back and then picking up slices of lime that Simon had cut up and left on the bench.

"Is the uber here? We're meant to be leaving now, right?" Lydia asked as she went to the window and looked down to the street.

"Uh," Raphael looked down at his phone and grinned. "Says two minutes out, so we could start heading down now."

"You guys should really move somewhere with an elevator," Kaelie sighed as they started out the door.

"We are but poor, humble students," Raphael sung out as they waited for Simon to lock the door behind them. "We can't afford anywhere better."

"I love how you talk about it as though this is _your_ home," Clary rolled her eyes at him and Raphael smirked at her. They started down the stairs, the girls taking them carefully in the high heels that they were wearing, with Simon and Raphael in front. Raphael was right, by the time they got outside to the curb, the uber was waiting for them. Raphael got in the front and gave Magnus' address while the others got in the back. It didn't take long to get to Magnus' apartment building, but the neighbourhood was so completely different from the one that the students lived in.

"I need to get wasted," Lydia announced as they got out of the uber and started up to the apartment. "And after the funk you've been in—" she nudged Clary in the side with her elbow as she linked their arms together. "I think that you need to get wasted as well."

"Fuck yes," Clary agreed with a nod. Kaelie lead the way into the apartment building and waited for them to crowd into the elevator before pressing Magnus' floor. When the doors opened, they could already hear the music, and Clary couldn't stop her smile from spreading across her face.

She _had_ to snap herself out of this funk.

Jace and his friend just weren't worth it.

She needed to remind herself that her and Jace were just friends— _less_ than that, even—and even though it felt as though there was a line that had been crossed when he had eaten her out the other night, she had slept with a dozen people that she barely knew, and she never felt like crap after them.

"Kaelie!" Magnus cried when they opened the door, the music getting even louder. "And the rest of my babies!" Magnus was carrying a purple drink in his hand that had a pineapple wedge on the outer glass, and from the sparkle in his eye, it looked as though he was already well on the way to being drunk. "Okay," he dropped his voice slightly, but probably not as low as he thought he did as he leaned in. "So Alec's sister and his friend or cousin or something is here. I've only seen the sister so far, and she's fucking gorgeous, so the cousin is probably the same. It's not fair how some people get _all_ the genes."

"Not as pretty as you, Mags," Clary smirked up at him and reached up to give him a quick kiss that was intended for his cheek but ended more on his lips as he turned to look at her.

"Of course not, biscuit," Magnus grinned at her, but there was still a nervous look in his eyes. "However, I do still I need your moral support, so you're coming to meet them right now!" He grabbed Clary's wrist, and downed the rest of the drink in his other hand, putting it down and circling his hand around Kaelie's wrist, tugging them to follow him. Lydia, Simon and Raphael followed close behind, keeping close to them given how many people were squeezed into Magnus' apartment. "There they are," Magnus hissed over his shoulder, although Clary still couldn't see anything, because even though she was wearing high heels, she was still shorter than most of the people around.

"Magnus!" That was Alexander, Clary could tell by the voice.

"Hey, beautiful," Magnus let go of their wrists as they approached Alec. Kaelie moved to stand beside Magnus and she raised an eyebrow. "Oh," Magnus made a surprised noise, and when Clary finally saw the face of the man standing next to Alec, she could see why.

Jace.

"You guys know each other?" Alec sounded confused as Lydia, Simon and Raphael all caught up with them.

"Uh—" Magnus' eyes flicked toward Clary, who's green eyes were wide. "Only by sigh...At the club."

"Clary?" Jace's eyes moved from Kaelie and Magnus to where Clary was standing.

"Hi," Clary managed to say, clearing her throat and pursing her lips together. Lydia's movement was subtle, but the way she moved to stand so her body was ever so slightly in front of Clary's wasn't missed by Jace, who's expression was strained.

"Wait," Alec frowned. "Clary?" Suddenly, a dark haired girl appeared at Jace's side and a smile creased Alec's face, while Clary knew that there was no way she was going to be able to recover her good mood from earlier. "Oh, Magnus—this is my sister, Isabelle." Isabelle, Izzy...Great. Clary gritted her teeth together and tried to stop herself from snapping angrily.

"Lovely to meet you," Magnus leaned forward and gave Isabelle a hug. As he did so, Isabelle looked over her smile, and the wide smile on her face dropped. She looked confused, then slightly guilty, before trying to recover her expression into a neutral one as she looked back at her brother as her and Magnus parted. "I guess I better do the introductions!"

"I'm pretty sure we all know Jace," Lydia muttered, and Clary heard her friend because she was standing right next to him, and it seemed like Simon heard as well, because he grumbled under his breath, not looking happy.

"So this is Kaelie," Magnus began, his eyes sliding from Kaelie to the side where Clary was standing and looking undecided. He knew that _something_ had happened between Clary and Jace, only because Lydia had been bitching to Kaelie about it and Kaelie had reported back to Magnus, but he didn't know the details. He also wasn't sure how much his new lover knew about the relationship between Clary and Jace, so he wasn't sure if he should go through all the introductions or leave it at Kaelie.

Clary seemed to see the indecision on his face because she jutted her chin forward and took a step closer, so she was shoulder to shoulder with Magnus.

"Actually, Magnus, I'm all introduced," she said, her voice sharp, and she saw a flicker of apprehension across Jace's face, but she didn't let him keep her attention. "I know Jace. I've met Alexander," she quirked her lips in a tiny smile that was nowhere near sincere, although he hadn't done anything to offend her, so she really tried to soften the expression on her face. But the smile completely dropped off her face as she turned to Isabelle, and the dark haired girl actually looked a little nervous, like she was worried Clary was going to slap her.

The idea had crossed her mind, but she refused to let herself stoop that low.

"And we've met as well," Clary's voice was icy. "I'm the tramp, remember?" Alec frowned, his head jerking back as he looked at his sister, and there was a sharp intake of breath from Simon.

"Wait, _what_?" Simon stepped out from behind Clary and Lydia.

"Simon?" Isabelle sounded confused.

"She called you a tramp?" Simon demanded but Clary was frowning as she looked between Isabelle and Simon.

"You _know_ this bitch?" She snapped.

"Hey!" Alec said sharply, holding up his hand. "Let's take a breath." Clary clenched her teeth together, her nostrils flaring as she stared at Isabelle. The dark haired girl was glaring back at her, hands clenched at her sides.

"I'm sorry, Magnus," she managed to grit out. "I've gotta go." She turned on her heel and shoved her way through the crowd of people. Simon shot one last disbelieving look at Isabelle, who looked as though she wanted to stop him, but then he turned to follow after his friend. Lydia was next, and then Raphael. Kaelie made a face, before leaning forward to kiss Magnus on the cheek.

"I better go and check on her," she said. "It was nice meeting you—properly," she told Alec. She nodded at Jace and then narrowed her eyes when they fell on Isabelle. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mags," she said over her shoulder as she made her way through the crowd. Magnus was left with a confused Alec, an upset Jace and a pissed off Isabelle.

"I need a drink," he muttered under his breath.

 **I don't really have the energy for a paragraph thing sorry. I've been fucking spiraling for the past six weeks or so, although I guess I had my birthday? Which was okay?**

 **Um... _Nightmare_ by Halsey is a fucking anthem and I don't know how many times I've listened and cried to it in the past day and half it's been out.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the update.**


	16. Chapter 16

"Clary?" Simon knocked gently on the red heads door. There was no response from inside, and Simon twisted his mouth, wondering if he should just go in. There weren't many boundaries between the two, given how well they knew each other, but when they had moved in together, they had made a ground rule that if one of their bedroom doors were shut, then they would respect the fact that they wanted privacy. "Clary?" Simon tried again, lifting his voice so it was a little louder. It was nearly eleven o'clock on Sunday, and that wasn't too late for them if they had gone out the night before, but they had exited early last night, and Clary had gone straight to bed, even though all of her friends were huddled together in the lounge, asking if she wanted to talk or watch TV with them.

"Maybe just give her some more time," Kaelie suggested, looking unfairly beautiful, even though she was wearing one of Simon's shirts that was too big for her, and a pair of basketball shorts that Raphael had offered her. She had slept in Simon's bed last night, not wanting to leave before she could see Clary and make sure she was okay, and Simon had grumbled about being kicked onto the floor several times. "She looked pretty upset last night."

"I don't even..." Simon squinted. "I don't even understand—when did her and Isabelle even meet? And—did Isabelle call her a tramp? I don't _understand_." He didn't fully know what had happened last night, but they already knew that _something_ had happened between Jace and Clary, and then Isabelle was somehow involved in it as well? Maybe Simon would get it if there was some kind of weird love triangle thing that was happening, but Isabelle and Jace were _cousins_ , so that was counted out. Plus, Simon would be pretty upset if that was the case, since he thought that he and Isabelle were working toward something together, _aside_ from the fact that the pair of them were cousins...

"I don't—" Kaelie was cut off when Clary's door opened. Kaelie pushed right past Simon to wrap her arms around Clary, cuddling her close. "Aw, my little cinnamon roll," she murmured, peppering kisses across Clary's forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," Clary sighed, her voice muffled by Kaelie's shoulder. Simon joined in the threeway hug, throwing his arms around both girls. After a moment, Clary let out a chuckle that didn't sound genuine, but her friends would take what they could. "Guys, seriously, I'm okay."

"Well, you haven't really been okay for a while now, ever since whatever it was that happened with Jace," Simon said bluntly. "And what the fuck was that last night? You know Isabelle?"

"Wait—so you _do_ know her? How the fuck do you know her?" Clary pulled away from Kaelie and narrowed her eyes as if it was Simon's fault. The good mood that she seemed to be aiming for looked as though it had completely fallen away now.

"She's—she's the girl from work. The—the bosses daughter," Simon stuttered out.

"The one you _went on a date with_?!" Clary cried, looking as though Simon had betrayed her in the worst possible way.

"Well, yeah," Simon shrugged with one shoulder. "But—she's so nice! I don't understand what happened!" Clary's eyes were angry, and Simon had to remind himself that Clary wasn't pissed at him, just the situation.

"She wasn't nice to me _at all_ ," Clary's voice was sharp. "I had never fucking met her before, and then she showed up at Jace's house, and I was just getting out of bed, and she was in the kitchen _judging the fuck out of me_ without even talking to me!" Kaelie's eyebrows pulled together and she looked as though she was getting angry listening to what Clary was saying. "She called me a tramp, and said that I was just taking advantage of Jace. Said that I was just hanging out with him to 'escape by boring student life'," Clary's fingers were in the air, making quotation marks and Simon winced. "She also said..." she faltered for a moment. "She also said that Alec thought the same thing, and—that must mean Alexander, right?" Clary frowned as her brain count up on the events from last night. "I mean, we had met before, but I just hadn't really clicked that _that_ was who she was talking about." She clenched her jaw and her expression suddenly changed to a defeated one. "Great. From what she said, it sounds like he hates me as well."

" _No one_ hates you," Kaelie quickly said, eyes narrowing. "And even if this whore Isabelle said that shit about you, Jace didn't believe her. It was obvious on his face last night that he felt bad about whatever it was that went down between you guys."

"It doesn't matter," Clary replied and she turned around to walk over to her drawers, opening the second draw and beginning to flip through her clothes, looking for a specific shirt to put on, a loose one that she liked to spend her lazy days in. "It's over now, and I just..." she took in a deep breath, her shoulders lifting and then slumping back down, obviously trying to calm herself down. "I just want to forget about the whole thing, okay?" Kaelie and Simon shared looks, not saying anything. "Are Raph and Lyds still here?" Clary asked as she found the shirt that she was looking for and pulled it out.

"Actually, Raphael asked Lydia if she wanted to go out and grab some breakfast," Kaelie said, glad that there was potential news to cheer Clary up.

"Are they going to be bringing anything back?" Clary asked as she kept her back to her friends as she pulled her sleeping shirt over her head and tossed it toward her bed, sliding her other shirt on and wiggling around until it fell comfortably.

"Nope," Kaelie shook her head. "Coz he then asked her if she wanted to go and see a movie with him afterward, just the two of them." Clary turned around at that and there was a small smile on her face.

"So he finally asked her out on a date?" She asked.

"Something like that," Kaelie grinned and then opened her mouth to continue when there was a yell from the lounge.

"Clary! My biscuit—where are you?!" Simon rolled his eyes as Magnus' voice got closer.

"We really need to start locking out front door," he muttered. "With everyone just letting themselves in."

"Oh, shut up," Magnus responded sassily as he appeared in Clary's room, the four of them making the room seem pretty over crowded. "Darling," Magnus cooed as he came over to Clary, wrapping his arms around Clary and pulling her in close. "I came over as soon as I wasn't seeing in triple." Clary smiled again at Magnus' comment, feeling better again. "I mean, I'm still seeing in double, I had to throw back so many drinks after all that awkwardness that happened after..." he took in a breath and waved his fingers in a weird, spinning motion at Clary. "I needed to make sure you were okay. I'm so sorry for putting you in that position last night—"

"It wasn't your fault, Mags," Clary quickly assured him. "I overreacted as well. She had just said some things when she was at Jace's the other day and it stung."

"Her and Jace left shortly after you guys," Magnus told her, one arm still hanging loosely over her shoulders. "Alexander stayed for a bit longer, but he was distracted. I told him to go somewhere between my tenth shot of the night and the one that had me waking up in my closet with a pink feather boa wrapped around me." Simon snorted at that, and Clary tried to suppress the grin on her face. "He called me this morning though, about an hour before I left my place to come here."

"Are you guys okay?" Clary suddenly thought out loud. "Shit, if I've caused drama between you two—"

"No, no," Magnus assured her. "Nothing like that. We're both adults, and we can separate ourselves from our friends and families drama. He mainly apologized for Isabelle though."

"So he doesn't agree with her?" Clary asked quietly. Magnus pursed his lips together, and Clary felt her stomach twist uncomfortably. She really should be able to just ignore what people thought or said about her. The peoples opinions that she actually cared about were good, and they were the ones that actually knew her. But it didn't stop it from hurting just a little.

"He doesn't agree with _how_ she said. And a lot of what she apparently said, he doesn't agree with either," Magnus began slowly. "And, biscuit, don't you think for a second that I agree with either of them. I know you better than that." Clary managed a weak smile, but it didn't really make anything feel better.

"He thinks I'm some slut? Who's just taking advantage of Jace?" Clary asked dully.

"Alexander is just worried about his cousin," Magnus said placatingly, obviously trying to smooth things over, but not wanting to lie to his friend. Clary took in a shaky breath, because that wasn't a yes or a no answer, which sort of said all it really needed to. When she had woken up in her bed this morning, she had been telling herself over and over again that she didn't need Jace, so it didn't matter what his friends or his cousins or whoever they were thought of her.

But the lines between his friends and hers was starting to blur.

And it hurt, because even though whatever it was between her and Jace was complicated and maybe they weren't established in _what_ they were, but for her part, she considered him at least a friend.

And it was easy to say that words didn't hurt, it was easy in theory, it was a lot harder in theory.

"I think I just want to be alone," Clary told her friends. Simon looked hurt, and she had a feeling that he thought that maybe she was angry at him, because of his connection with Isabelle. She wasn't—of course she wasn't, because Simon couldn't know what had happened, and as soon as it was revealed what Isabelle had said, Simon was on her side instantly. But she didn't have it in her to reassure her friend right now.

She just wanted to be alone.

"I've got a lot of painting I need to do..." the red head waved at the easel in the corner of the room, and the long desk against one wall where all of her paints and brushes were cluttered. It was a weak excuse and no one believed her, but thankfully, no one called her on it.

"Alright, babe," Kaelie murmured. "But we're gonna hang around, okay? Bug Simon for the rest of the day," she gave him a weak smile over her shoulder, which he didn't return. She leaned forward and gave Clary another hug.

"You let us know if you need anything, okay, biscuit?" Magnus added.

"I will," Clary jerked her head in a nod. Kaelie and Magnus left her room, leaving her with just Simon. Simon looked hesitant to leave, but he knew that she wanted her time alone. He reached out with one of his hand, finding hers and giving it a squeeze. Clary squeezed back and Simon gave her a small smile, before he turned and left the room as well, closing the door behind him.

 **Um...My song recommendations for this week would be _Hitchhiker_ by Demi Lovato, _All You Need To Know_ by Gryffin featuring Calle Lehmann, _Rollercoaster_ by The Jonas Brothers and _All This Time_ by Drax Project, which has just officially been released. The studio version doesn't quite hold up to the live version, it's like there's too much synth and they tried to downplay how powerful the sax it's, which is the best part of the song. I've got this recording of when we saw them at smaller concert, at a club, and the whole atmosphere is fucking amazing when this song comes on, if we're friends on Facebook or Snapchat and you want a copy, let me know and I'll send it through :) But I still recommend the version that's out there on Youtube and Spotify.**

 **Moviewise... _John Wick 3_ was incredible, as expected. I bawled by eyes out in _Rocketman_ , but it was so, so good. I adore Taron Egerton and Richard Maddon, and they played their roles so well. I don't recommend the new Ted Bundy film, tbh. I was looking forward to it, I love Zac Efron and Lily Collins, and Ted Bundy is a fascinating study subject, but...I just felt like it glorified him so much, and it honestly made me feel a bit sick. TV shows I would recommend would be _Madam Secretary, Harlots_ and _High Seas_. Also, did anyone watch the first episode of _Euphoria_? It is absolutely fucking amazing. I bawled my eyes out and my heart hurt and there were parts that hit a little close to home, but shit, it's so fucking good. **

**Lyric of the week...' _My daddy put a gun to my head/Said if you kiss a boy, I'm gonna shoot you dead/So I tied him up with gaffa tape and I locked him in a shed/Then I went out to the garden and I fucked my best friend_ '...**


	17. Chapter 17

**Merp, I've kinda lost track of my updating schedule? *Throws updates and internet cookies***

It felt weird not to text Jace, or stop by and see him.

They had been awkwardly distant for that first two weeks, between the time that Clary had left his apartment after hearing Jace and Isabelle talking, to when she had seen them again at Magnus'. Jace had text her a few of times in that time, and she had replied to two of them. She told herself that it was because she was doing it to be polite, but she knew deep down that it was because it felt _weird_ not answering him. Not talking to him. Not _seeing_ him. However, even though it was tense and it felt off, she sort of just thought that they would let things cool down, and then they would find their way back together.

But not now.

Now it felt even worse.

Jace had text her multiple times in the two days that had followed, a couple of them apologizing, but most of them just asking if he could meet her. He had even rung her a few times, and that was something that he never did, but Clary hadn't answered the calls. Part of her had been worried that he was going to show up at her apartment—another thing that he had never done—because if he had shown up, she wouldn't have been able to turn him away. But he hadn't, he respected her privacy enough for that at least.

It wasn't that she was angry at him—not anymore. And even the night of Magnus' party, she knew now that the fury she had felt wasn't his _fault_.

Now, she just felt hurt.

They weren't an item, they had never defined _what_ they were, but they were something important. At least, it was important to her.

But she had bigger things to focus on.

Her showcase was coming up in just under a month. She had so many pieces that she still needed to finish, and she was ridiculously critical of her work—Madame Dorothea, Lydia and her mother told her that on a constant basis. She had to get it all perfect, though, because the people that were coming to their showcase—they were some of the most important people in the art world. There would be curators and agents and collectors that came from all over the country to look at their showcase, so try and pick out the up and comers so that they had a jump on everyone else.

So she threw everything she had into her art.

She got up in the morning, she ate breakfast, she went to class, she came home, she painted, she went to bed. Variations to her schedule included work and going out for dinner with her friends, but other than that, she bounced between her apartment and college.

Her friends were worried about her, but Simon told them that she was okay. He told them that her art was important and that this showcase was the most important thing she had ever painted for. He told them to give her space, and that if she wanted to talk to them, then she would.

There was a reason why Simon was her best friend, and Clary really wasn't sure if she told him enough that she loved him. He also hadn't mentioned Isabelle, or the 'girl from work' as she had been referenced before they had realized who she was. Clary wondered if he was still seeing her outside of work, but something told her that he wouldn't be.

As the showcase got even closer, she became even more withdrawn, and she had a couple of her shifts covered so that she could spend more time either in her room painting, or at the studio at school. It was two weeks before the showcase that Magnus decided to intervene. He had barely seen her at all since the party, and even though he knew that Clary didn't blame him for what happened and that he should not feel guilty at all, he still felt vaguely responsible.

"Come on, biscuit!" Magnus didn't even bother knocking on the door because he knew that Clary wouldn't answer. "We're going out!" Clary turned around with a frown, her hair a complete mess around her head and there paint streaks on her face and arms and smattering her clothes. "Alright, sweetie," Magnus sighed as he came over to her and took a sniff, making a face. "You need a shower, then I'm gonna get your hair and make up done, and then we're going out."

"But—"

"Nah-uh, sweet thang," Magnus sung out as he snatched the paintbrush from her hand and tugged her in the direction of the door. "Shower. Then we're going out. No arguments. We miss you, and you need to let loose. It's a win-win." From Clary's expression, it looked like she might want to argue more, but she seemed to see a similar expression on Magnus' face, and he really wasn't one to back down. Clary sighed, and let herself be dragged out of the room by Magnus.

Kaelie had done the rounding up, and everyone was good to go out, as expected. Generally they were together on Saturdays anyway, it had just been recently that they had all started going their own separate way since Clary had become so wrapped up in her art work and Raphael and Lydia had started dating.

It was eight o'clock when they left the apartment, going to a bar in town to start drinking. Simon kept looking at Clary nervously, as though waiting for her to throw her hands up in the air and storm out of the bar. But she didn't, she accepted the drinks that Kaelie and Lydia kept sliding her way, and after an hour or so, she loosened up. Magnus was commanding most of the attention at the table, which was pretty normal, and Clary seemed glad that everyone wasn't focused on her.

"I want to go dancing!" Kaelie announced after the fourth or fifth tequila shot. It was getting closer to ten, so clubs would be getting busier.

"Uh," Clary made a face, and clearly the alcohol hadn't completely gone to her head, because she still remembered everything that was going on at the moment, and that their usual bar was the one owned by a certain man that she was avoiding.

"We can go to _Dancing Lights_ ," Magnus quickly suggested, another club that was just around the block from _MJ's_. Most clubs were in that area though, since that was right near the University, which was where most of the patrons were from. They used to go there quite a bit before they had migrated to _MJ's_ and Clary had struck up her unusual friendship with the owner.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan!" Kaelie agreed, and she slipped out from the booth that they had claimed at the back of the booth. She held out her hand to Clary and the redhead took it, getting to her feet. Raphael and Lydia had been all over each other, and Clary couldn't help her grin as they pulled apart to get themselves out of the booth. Lydia's lipstick was smudged, and there was some dark purple smeared on Raphael's mouth, and she had to adjust her dress as she stood up.

That was something else that had happened while Clary had been locking herself up, away from the world, and the only reason that she had known was because Lydia was in classes with her. She felt bad that she had been putting distance between her friends and herself, and she knew that she needed to make more of an effort, even though she had a good reason to be throwing herself into her art. There was more to it, and she couldn't cut off her friends just because she was hurting.

"I'm glad you guys sorted your shit out and got together," Clary said to Lydia as they walked out of the bar and started down the street. Kaelie was on her other side, and Raphael, Magnus and Simon were walking in front of them. The streets were busy, quite a few students that Clary vaguely recognized were laughing and grouped together, making their way between bars and clubs.

"Yeah," Lydia glanced forward to Raphael and then back at Clary with a grin. "Doesn't mean he's opposed to us making out, though," she laughed and Clary laughed with her. They got to the _Dancing Lights_ and paid their entry fee, the bouncer stamping their hand with a fluorescent logo and then they made their way inside. Clary could definitely see why they had traded up for _MJ's_ over this place, given it was bigger and cleaner, but the place was crowded and she could already see a couple of attractive guys who looked as though they were single at the bar.

Perfect to help her get lost tonight.

"I'm gonna go get a drink," Clary said.

"I'll come with you," Kaelie piped up and the two girls parted from the rest of the group. "Ooh, that one's cute," she noted as she spotted a guy with dark hair and dark eyes. He was watching them closely, and Kaelie tilted her head to the side and sucked her lower lip into her mouth seductively. The man responded with a smirk and a raise of his eyebrows at the pair of them. "Ooh, yes. I definitely want to have fun with that one," she said and Clary turned her head to the man, who was watching them both. "And I think he wants to have fun with _both_ of us."

And that was how Clary found herself in the middle of the guy and Kaelie. It would be nowhere near the first time that she had had a threesome and it wouldn't even be the first time that she had had a threesome with Kaelie. But even with the alcohol swirling around head and making her limbs heavy, she just wasn't feeling it. She _tried_ , because she knew that it would be good for her, to have some proper fun that would make her forget the situation that she was in, even temporarily.

They had a few more shots and she kissed the guy, and she kissed Kaelie. Kaelie and the guy were kissing over her shoulder, but she just felt disconnected. Usually she would be horny, and she would be enjoying the foreplay that came before the sex. The guy's hand was on her hip and Kaelie was writhing against her back, but the music was too loud and the club was too hot.

"I'm sorry," Clary muttered, more to Kaelie than the guy, she really couldn't care less about him. She pulled away from them and started walking away. She heard Kaelie call out after her, and she looked back over her shoulder to look at her friend and mouth ' _I'm fine_ ' at her before finding her way out of the club. She didn't see her friends at the booth anymore, but then she wasn't particularly surprised by that. They had been gone for a while and the rest were probably drinking and dancing on their own.

Clary got out of the club and she took in a couple of deep breaths. The cool air felt good and after she felt the thundering in her ears slow down, she walked toward the curb and held up an arm. A cab pulled over quickly and she was about to get in when she heard her name called out. She looked up and her eyes widened when she saw Jace standing there. He was in jeans and a slim fitting henley and he looked fucking gorgeous with his hair all messy around his head, and there was a cigarette in his hand.

"Clary," he called out again and he began walking forward, toward her. Clary dropped her gaze and got in the car, slamming the door shut and giving her address to the driver.

 **So songs I recommend are _I Think I'm OKAY_ by MGK, Yungblud and Travis Baker, which I absolutely adore, and the song and especially the music video give me intense early 2000's feels, and _Lost_ by Dermont Kennedy, which is so damn beautiful, I've completely fallen in love with it. Also _Lost Without You_ by Freya Ridlings, which was sent to me by _Reppinda5o3_ and is completely heart breaking. Umm...I can't really think of many movies and TV series I've been watching lately. Sorry :( **

**Okay, so, questions; what's your lockscreen/homescreen/blah blah blah? My lockscreen is Dominic Harrison and my homescreen is Demi Lovato, both total babes.**

 **Umm...What are you go-to feel good movies? Mine are—not in any type of order— _Princess Bride, The Swan Princess, Stardust, Spirit_ and _Frozen_. Lol. Not even sorry. I think _Catch and Release_ might be working its way onto this list as well. **

**...' _Please tell me I'm your one and only/Or lie and say at least tonight/I've got a brand new cure for lonely/And if you give me what I want/Then I'll give you what you like_ '...**

 **xxxxxxx**


	18. Chapter 18

**Next chapter, pretty people!**

"Clary," Simon put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a little shake. Clary had been on the verge of having a panic attack since two days ago. Simon, Lydia and Raphael had been managing to stave them off by handing her joints, forcing her to finally catch up on sleep that she had fallen behind on and making her get out of the apartment to get some fresh air. They couldn't really do any of that right now though, because they were an hour before the show case was about to begin and Clary needed to calm down so that Lydia could finish her hair and Magnus could get her dressed. She and Magnus had gone out shopping about a month ago and brought a red dress that he was going to adjust for her slightly and add a few things to. She hadn't seen it yet, but since it was coming from Magnus, she knew that it was going to be flawless. "When was the last time you breathed?"

"I'm literally breathing _right now_ , what do you mean—when's the last time I breathed? Right _now_ I'm breathing!" Clary snapped at Simon, huffing away on the cigarette in her mouth. She had never really been a regular smoker before—at least not of cigarettes. She would have them on a weekly basis, but it wasn't as though she needed to have them on her at all times. At least, she didn't _before_. But that was different now. She was almost going through a pack a day for the past two weeks, given how stressed she was.

"I mean _air_ , not smoke," Simon sighed as he took the cigarette out of her mouth and stubbed it out. "We absolutely need to break this habit because we're not able to afford to keep this up." Clary sighed and even though she wanted to light another cigarette up, she didn't. She took in a few deep breaths and then shook out her shoulders and rolled her head.

"Come on," Lydia said encouragingly. "Let's do your make up and hair now." Clary nodded. She was perfectly capable of doing her own make up, although Lydia was definitely better at doing hair. But she let Lydia do it, because Lydia loved fussing over hair and make up and she knew that she had kind of been a shitty friend recently, so she didn't put up a fuss. She'd been burying herself in her work and even when she had managed to finish it all and get it submitted, which was two days ago, she had still been in a bit of a haze. Lydia had work submitted, but she didn't have as much as Clary, since her degree wasn't exclusively in the arts. She wanted to become an graphic designer, and was taking this as one of her side classes, so she hadn't been quite as obsessed as Clary.

"How's our girl?" Magnus sounded worried as he came into the apartment and spoke quietly to Simon.

"She's fine," he answered, although wasn't a hundred percent certain of that fact.

"She _will_ be," Magnus agreed. "Especially once she see's this," he grinned as he held up the coat hanger with the red dress that they had brought and Magnus had adjusted for her. Simon flashed him a small smile before waving his hand down the hallway, gesturing toward Clary's room, which was where Clary and Lydia now where. Magnus headed down the hall while Simon sat down on the couch in their cramped lounge, drumming his fingers against his knee as he waited for the others to finish getting ready. He had been dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a button down shirt that he had even ironed for the past hour, since he knew that he was going to have to run point on the whole 'calm down Clary situation' and he was glad that Magnus was there now. Kaelie was going to meet them at the showcase with Raphael, since both of them had been working that day and had to rush to get there after.

"Okay, sweets," Lydia said as she leaned back and looked over at Magnus. "I'm gonna get put on my own dress and we'll leave here in ten minutes, okay?"

"Have you got the uber coming? I don't want to be late and if we wait too long to call the uber then we might —"

"The uber is eight minutes out," Lydia assured Clary with a smile after checking her phone. "Don't worry, it's all taken care of. You just get your dress on and come out to the kitchen, okay?" Clary let out a shaky breath and smiled at Lydia gratefully.

"Thanks," she murmured and Lydia smiled before skipping out of the room. Clary turned to look at Magnus who was regarding her with raised eyebrows. "What?" She asked nervously, her hand going to her hair as though she was worried that Lydia had messed it up.

"I'm just excited for you," Magnus said with a smile. "And proud of you, because you've done an amazing job."

"Don't jinx it," Clary said warningly, lifting her thumb to her mouth and biting down on the nail nervously.

"Hey!" Magnus swatted her hand away, saving the french tip nails that her, Lydia and Kaelie had gone and gotten yesterday. "Get dressed. I'll see you out in the lounge." Magnus handed over the dress and practically glided out of the room in the dark blue suit that he was wearing that shimmered just a little when he moved from side to side, undoubtedly from the hint of glitter that Magnus managed to find a way to add to most outfits. Clary looked at the dress that Magnus had handed her and she couldn't hold back her smile.

When she and Magnus had brought the red dress, it had been pretty but simple. It was a red spaghetti strapped dress that was tight around her breasts and torso and loosened just a little from her hips, but was still form fitting all the way down to her ankles. Magnus had removed the straps and drawn in the waist even more, accentuating her slim waist and curved hips, and he'd added a spray of sequins on one hip, where he had gathered the material. Then he had also cut long splits into either side of the skirt, not high enough to be indecent, but definitely enough to show some leg.

It was gorgeous.

Clary's parents had wanted to come to the show case, but Jocelyn had understood how nervous Clary was, and didn't want to make it worse. Clary had always had an incredible talent when it came to art, but she never seemed to realize _how_ good, and so she was always nervous that she just wasn't good enough.

By the time they got to the show case, Clary was so nervous that she was worried that she was going to throw up. She had only had one piece of toast in the whole day, and even then, it had felt as though she was forcing it down. Simon took her hand as they walked in, not complaining once as she gripped his hand so hard that his fingers clicked at one point. The modern building where the art exhibit was taking place was already full when they arrived, since Clary and Lydia hadn't wanted to get there right at the start and awkwardly stand around while people were filtering in.

"Do _not_ drink this all at once, I know that you haven't eaten much," Simon murmured as he swiped two glasses of wine from one of the waiters walking past and handed her one. Clary nodded and sipped from it. "Now, do you need me to come with you? Or —"

"Clarissa! There you are!" Madame Dorothea glided over, looking every bit the art professor in her floaty pink and blue dress and mismatched earrings in her ears. "I've got a few people who would like to talk to you about your work." Clary's eyebrows shot up and Simon gave her a nudge.

"Go on, be awesome," he grinned at her encouragingly and Clary made a face at him before Dot took her elbow and lead her away. Simon glanced around, seeing if he could spot anyone else since Magnus and Lydia had headed in the opposite direction to them when they had come in the front door, and then he noticed Kaelie and Raphael, holed up beside the table with the food, and he quickly made his way over to them.

Clary's head was spinning a couple of hours into the evening.

She'd never heard so many people talking about her art before.

Or, she'd heard people compliment it, tell her that she had a real flair for it, but it had never been so many people who were in a position of power. There had been several curators and illustrators and even a creative director for a prominent magazine in the city and they had all been interested in her work. She had been given a couple of cards and Dot had given her a wink and her arm a comforting squeeze and had then moved on with them to discuss other work.

She was actually _shaking_ with how shocked she was.

"You look surprised," came a low voice from behind her and Clary nearly jumped out of her skin at the familiar voice. She turned around and blinked up at Jace, who was wearing a slim fitting suit with a maroon button down shirt that looked unfairly good on him. His hair was loosely falling just above his shoulders and she noted that it looked a little shorter than the last time she had seen him.

"Uh," Clary cleared her throat. "I guess I just..." she shrugged her lips and paused to draw herself up, something she had been doing frequently that evening, knowing that she couldn't show any weakness. "What are you doing here, Jace?" Jace looked around, his eyes going over her shoulder to look at her paintings that were hanging on the wall before he looked back at her.

"This was one of my mums favourite things to do," Jace replied, and Clary was so surprised by such an open and honest answer that she didn't have a response. "We would come here, every year. When she died a few years ago, I kept on coming. I don't really understand a lot of art, especially the abstract stuff, but it just feels right, you know? Like I'm doing it for her." Clary still had no response as Jace lifted his wine glass to his lips and finished off the gold liquid inside. "I don't know if mum ever really got it either, but she loved looking at it. I think she would have really liked your stuff."

"Thank you," Clary said softly, finally managing to find her voice. Jace nodded, pursing his lips together as he took in a deep breath. Clary looked down at her hands, in one she had her wine glass and in the other she had the few business cards that she had been given.

"I'm not going to hold you up," Jace told her quietly. "I know this is an important night for you, which is another reason that I wanted to be here." It wasn't _fair_ that that statement made her stomach squeeze. "But can we talk? Later?" Clary wasn't sure if he meant later that evening or later as in another day, but she nodded, agreeing to either option. Jace gave her a tiny smile and nodded his head forward. "Good luck for the rest of the evening," he told her as he saw a few other people approaching her work, Dot leading them there. "Although you've got so much talent you don't need it." With another nod, Jace walked away, leaving Clary feeling even more off-kilter than she had all day.

 **Alright! Another mass update! I'm just...In a super shitty place right now, completely mental, my life is actually in a really good space—isn't it great when that happens? But writing is generally therapeutic so...Here we go.**

 **Movies I would recommend would be _Where The Heart Is_ , which is an old time favourite for me, and _How To Be Single_ , which I actually quite like, even though I don't like Dakota Johnson. It's like my love for Leslie Mann cancels that out though. Haha. I don't know...Both of these movies make me really sad and happy at the same time, so it's good.**

 **Songs that I've recently fallen in love with are _Perfectly Wrong_ by Shawn Mendes, _Chateau_ by Angus & Julia Stone, _You Make It Easy_ by Jason Aldean and _Marry Me_ by Thomas Rhett. Recommend any songs that you guys have had on repeat recently :)**

 **Hope you're all doing well, and please leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter because I love your comments x**


	19. Chapter 19

**Okay, this is gonna be another one of these months you get two updates in month, so...*throws internet cookies***

Her friends wanted to go out drinking afterwards, to celebrate. Clary had considered going with them, but she wanted to see Jace. She wanted to know more about his mother and why he was there at the art gallery and if she was being completely honest with herself; she missed him. So much. She didn't realize how much she had missed him until he had been standing right in front of her, looking as gorgeous as he always did. Her friends hadn't seen him there, and that was probably for the best, because Simon was still furious and Lydia wasn't much better.

She loved them and this was _why_ she loved them, because they were fiercely protective of her, but she was glad that they hadn't been there to jump on him, because what Jace had told her was the most open he had ever been with her.

Maybe that meant something.

It was close to midnight before they got back to their apartment, and Clary said that she was tired and wanted to stay in and get some sleep when her friends decided to go out. They didn't pressure her because she had been pushing herself recently and she needed to get some proper rest. She felt a bit guilty about lying, but she didn't doubt for a second that they would either try to stop her, or worse, one of them would follow her over there and then have a go at Jace.

She changed out of her dress and made sure to hang it carefully in the wardrobe before getting into a pair of leggings and a loose hoodie. Jace had text her and asked if she wanted a ride but she had said she would get herself there. She already felt off balance enough, being stuck in a small space with Jace really wasn't something that she was ready for. Clary took an uber over to his place and went up to his loft slowly. She knocked on the door and chewed down on her lip and fiddled with the long sleeves of her hoodie nervously before he opened the door.

"Hey," Jace gave her another small smile, which was making her feel even _more_ on edge, because two smiles in one evening was about as much as she would usually get in a month. Clary swallowed hard and nodded at him before coming inside. She took off her shoes and then crossed her arms over her chest. Jace had started walking over to the couch, but he stopped when he realized that the redhead wasn't following him. "Uh..." he glanced around, looking nervous, and Clary was surprised — _again_ —because he generally never looked shaken. "Can we sit down?" He asked and Clary relented, following him over. Instead of sitting near the middle of the couch —which is where she usually perched, because the centre cushion was the most comfortable and also because it meant that she was always close to him, no matter which side of the couch he chose to sit on —she sat on one side and pulled a cushion on her lap.

"Talk," she said to him quietly.

"Right..." Jace took in a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He licked his lips and then nodded, almost to himself, as though giving himself encouragement. "My mum and dad," he began. "They...They were married for twenty-two years before she died, when I was I was twenty." Clary instantly felt the nervousness and tension begin to disperse, just at the mention of the death of his mother, sympathy filling it's place. But she kept herself quiet and her arms tight around the cushion. "It wasn't a great marriage, and that was obvious from when I was a kid. I spent most of my time with cousins when I was younger, because mum was generally drunk or on her way to being drunk and dad was always at work. I always told myself that I was gonna do better. I was gonna _be_ better. As I got older, I also found out that dad was cheating on mum, pretty much the whole time I had been alive."

"That's horrible," Clary murmured sympathetically.

"It was, absolutely," Jace nodded. "But it was also kind of... _Good_ when I found out. Helped me understand mum a bit more, why she was always drinking and hated being in the same room as him. I think it was good for her as well, because she didn't feel the need to hide things from me anymore. She never bad mouthed dad, she never tried to put him down or make him out to be the bad parent, and I think that's what made me hate him more—because she was so amazing and he couldn't see that. He just took it for granted." Clary nodded, encouraging him to go on. "She stopped drinking as much, I think when I was around fifteen. She went to AA meetings and we started doing a lot more together. She was so much... _Fun_. Really free spirited. She had so many different friends and she saw the world differently—just as a generally _good_ place. She...She actually reminds me a lot of you, actually..." Jace swallowed thickly and Clary blinked, feeling a lump starting to form in her own throat. "She started taking me to the art showcases for a few of the universities in the city. She preferred them to established artists exhibits, because she said that they were still young and developing and their minds hadn't been rigidly molded yet, so they still had so many free and colourful ideas."

"That's a pretty way of putting it," Clary's lips curled upward and Jace nodded.

"Anyway, mum died when I was twenty, when I was partway through getting a business degree," the words were obviously hard, coming out of his mouth. "She died because she had gotten drunk and she drove and she ended up crashing. Turned out that she had caught dad with one of her best friends at this charity event they were at, and she must have just snapped." Clary's heart hurt at that and she couldn't help it. She shuffled closer on the couch and reached out her hand, resting it on his knee. "She always told me to make sure I didn't study too hard, because it was the people in life that made it better. She always wanted me to make sure I ended up happy, especially with _who_ I ended up with. And I met Maia a couple of months later." Clary blinked at the mention of the girl that Isabelle had brought up, a little caught off guard at the change in direction. "I was still...Kind of rocky, I guess. I was drinking a lot and I was really angry, mainly at my dad, because I blamed him for mum dying." Clary wasn't sure what the right response was there, so she stayed quiet. "Maia was amazing. She was a pediatric nurse and mum would have really liked her. I...I loved her," Jace admitted and the words stung Clary a little, even though she knew that irrational. She hoped that didn't show on her face. "We were together for almost six years. I shared _everything_ with her. Then it...Then it turned out that she had been cheating on me for almost half of that time. She actually just had a kid with the guy."

"I'm sorry," Clary whispered.

"I went through a ton of bad relationships after that, bounced between a bunch of girls that I _knew_ I was never going to be with long term, but that were good for a distraction. One of the girls—her name was Seelie—she maxed out my credit cards and stole a bunch of my mums jewelry." Clary's eyes widened at that, and she felt her upper lip curl in disgust. "I got it back, after the police were brought in, but it made me realize that I needed to pull my shit together. I opened _MJ's_ with my cousin, Max. He always wanted a club and I needed something to throw my energy into. Then Max fell in love with this French foreign exchange student and followed her around the world, leaving me to run the club by myself."

"Max and Jace equals _MJ's_?" Clary asked with a small smile.

"Pretty much. The pair of us are _very_ creative," Jace returned her small smile. "So that was all about...A year or two ago? Isabelle and Alec were the ones the helped me get back on my feet, along with Max, and they're pretty protective of me. Even though I've pulled myself back together and it's been a while since I've gotten involved with any girls that—that are _bad_ for me, they still have this need to make sure that I'm...Okay," he shrugged his shoulder. "And...Especially Isabelle...She sort of assumes that every girl that crosses my path is going to screw me up again, which is why she...Went off about you." Clary licked her lips and let out a heavy breath.

"Yeah," she muttered. "I mean, I kind of get that, friends being super protective because they just want what's best for you. But...It's not like I've ever _expected_ anything from you? And I've definitely never taken anything without your permission and I don't _want_ you to do anything you're not comfortable with or—"

"Clary, Clary," Jace huffed out a short laugh. "I know," he told her. "I know that Isabelle was wrong. And trust me, after you took off out of here, I told her that. And then after you left Magnus' and Alec realized who you were—that you were such good friends with Magnus—Alec backed me up. He said that Magnus would never be friends with a person who would intentionally hurt someone else, and that seemed to finally get through to her. She...I mean, I know that she comes off as super bitchy at times, but she means well." Clary twisted her lips and made a face at that comment, and they both went quiet for a bit.

"Really says something about your taste in women that Isabelle trusted Alec's taste because of a guy that he's only been seeing for a few months over yours," she joked slightly and Jace made a face.

"Guess I haven't always had the best track record," Jace admitted quietly. "But it's always been girls that I've never really felt anything for, because I knew that they were bad for me. It just kind of took Isabelle and Alec to snap me out of it." Clary licked her lips, trying to build up the courage to ask her next question. She took in a deep breath and just blurted it out,

"How do you feel about me?" She blinked, surprised that she had actually done it. Jace gave her a long look, and his eyes narrowed a little. He had already revealed so much to her—more than he had _ever_ revealed to her before, even though Clary had probably given him her whole lift story twice over in the time they had known each other. She waited for Jace to change the subject or maybe just not answer.

"I like you," Jace said, and he looked just as surprised at her at the answer. But then he nodded. "I really like you." Clary blinked again and then she launched herself at Jace, their mouths coming together firmly.

 **I watched the movie _It's Kind of a Funny Story_ for the first time, I've been meaning to watch it for years, but I just never had. I'm really glad I did, so I definitely recommend it. It's got Zach Galifianakis, Viola Davis and Emma Roberts and it's just a really really good. Sort of similar to _Perks of Being a Wallflower_ , although nowhere near as good since that's my favourite movie of all time. Haha. Also as I'm writing this, we're watching _Big Hero 6_ and I just adore this movie so much. They're all just amazing, and Tadashi is just...The most beautiful person in the world. Oh, and the other day I watched _Need For Speed_ again, which is just a mindlessly car racing movie, but I love Aaron Paul and Imogen Poots and so it's great. Haha.**

 **For TV shows, I've recently started _The Bold Type_ , and I'm completely in love, the three main girls are adorable, I don't know which one is my favourite so far. None? All? All, I think. And I absolutely love Alex. And Jacqueline is a fucking goddess. Honestly, the show just makes me so happy. Also _Crashing_ , which was fucking hilarious. Some of the lines in it were really cruel, actually, which kind of cut for a comedy show. I absolutely fucking LOVED Melody and Colin and Sam. Particularly Melody. Also, _Derry Girls_ , I've recommended it before, I'll do it again. Haha. My husband and I have watched it sooooooo many times, it's generally our go-to when stoned. Haha.**

 **Okay, so songs... Uh, some old ones I've been listening to— _Forever_ and _Sex Metal Barbie_ by In This Moment, um, also _Blood_ and _Adrenalize_. Slow _Fade_ by Ruth B, which is beautiful, _Cringe_ by Matt Maeson and the acoustic version is even better. _None Of My Business_ by Cher Lloyd and _Takeaway_ by The Chainsmokers and then _Hope For The Underrated Youth_ by Yungblud, which I bawled my eyes out over the first few times I listened to it.**

 **Okay; questions...Anyone into _Veronica Mars_? Anyone been into Veronica Mars since they were a child? Oh my god. I was so fucking disappointed by the reboot. Like, my entire heart dropped. I only got two episodes in, and I wasn't really enjoying it, I just felt like Veronica wasn't characterized well, she had actually regressed, and then I read the ending, and I just refused to go on. So...That's disappointment dating back to my primary school days.**

 **Umm...Favourite song right now? Mine is _hammer_ by nothing,nowhere.**

 **And how many tattoos do you have? I've just gotten my second one, and I think I'm getting a third in November, and then I've got plans for, like, four others.**

 **Anyway, drop a review, they make my day :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, guys! Just a quick heads up that I'm not sure if there will be two updates for every story next month, like there has been for the past couple months, we'll just see how it goes. Working a lot at the moment and my husband and I are doing renovations on our home and just general busy life stuff, so don't have a lot of free time right now x**

It had been a long time since Jace had slept with anyone. Over six months, which pretty much felt like a life time for an adult male. For the first few months that he and Clary were getting to know each other, he was still fooling around with a couple of girls that he picked up at bars or at his club, but then he just wasn't interested in them. Clary was funny and adorable and it was always so easy and nothing was expected when they were together. He liked being around her, he liked cooking for her and getting high and watching animated movies that he hadn't watched since he was a kid. She didn't mind that he didn't like to talk all that much and she didn't try to force him to get him to open up, like a lot of girls did. She was smart and she didn't talk about things like her clothes and her hair and there had been one time where she had gotten on top of his coffee table and done the whole song and dance to _Thriller_ by Michael Jackson, and it had been one of the best things that he had ever seen.

Right now, it was all of those thoughts that were going through his head.

The way her nose crinkled when she grinned.

The way she sometimes snorted when she was laughing.

The way she always sighed and moaned as though she was having an orgasm when she ate pretty much everything that he cooked.

The way she sung along with the songs to every Disney movie they watched.

The way she would hug him tightly whenever she fell asleep on the couch and he carried her into the bedroom.

The way her smell was always left on his sheets and pillows after she had slept in his bed.

"Stop thinking so hard," Clary mumbled. "Seriously, you need to focus more on the me here than the me in your head." Jace almost laughed at that, because it was incredibly accurate, and he was more than happy to listen to her. Her tongue was licking at his lips and he was more than happy to open his mouth. Their lips had come together before, a couple of times, actually, when they were shot-gunning, but shit, it had never felt this good. Her whole body was molding together with his and she was kissing him with everything she had. Jace's hands trailed down her back, tightening at the flare of her hips and then moving down further to her ass. She was only wearing leggings, which were really nothing more than some thin material and he massaged her lightly.

She responded with her whole body.

Jace had always known that being with her was going to be amazing.

Clary's whole body was nearly in his lap and he didn't want that to change, but they would be a whole lot more comfortable doing this in his bedroom, and given how long he had been thinking about this, he really didn't want it to happen like some casual high school fuck, quickly and on the couch. Jace gathered her in his arms before standing up, easily lifting her, and Clary let out a squeak and then a laugh. She circled her legs tightly around his waist and then resumed kissing him.

It was hard to concentrate walking from the lounge to his bedroom, but he managed, even if it took him about two minutes rather than the normal ten seconds. When they got to his room, he put her down carefully on the ground. Jace's hands went to her shirt and pulled it up over her head and then her bra fell quickly as well. Jace leaned forward to kiss along her collarbone and then nip at her cleavage before reaching for her leggings and underwear, ridding her of them with a few tugs of his hands.

"Shit," Clary sighed out as his fingers trailed up her thighs and then he undressed himself. It was dark in the room, apart from the light that was coming through the open curtains, and Clary really wanted to turn the lights on so that she could properly look at Jace's body, but she didn't want to talk and break the tension that was vibrating between them. Jace picked her up again, bringing her over to the bed and sitting down, right at the head, so that the pillows were cushioned behind him.

"You have _no idea_ how long I've wanted this," Jace sighed as he arranged her legs so that they were braced on either side of him, knees close to his hips.

"Could've just said something," Clary ground out through clenched teeth as he sucked on her neck. "Trust me, I would have said yes." Jace didn't verbally respond to that, but he just grazed his teeth against the hollow of her throat and it made her shake and thrust her hips forward. Jace let out a growl at the back of his throat that sounded so fucking primal that it sent a shiver down her spine. He met her thrusts with his own, and they slid together easily, given how wet Clary was and the pre-come that was gathering at the head of Jace's cock. His head kept catching on her swollen clit and Clary shivered again.

Jace sighed at how good she felt, and he knew that once he slid inside her, he wasn't going to last long, so he wanted to hold that out as long as possible. Their mouths came back together in a hot crush and their tongues danced together in her mouth. Clary's nails were scratching at his shoulders and back and Jace really wanted to get his mouth down on her pussy again, taste how good she was again, but he was pretty sure that he never wanted to stop kissing her. Clary seemed to feel the same way, because when he pulled away to take in a breath of air, she let out a whimper and leaned forward, her teeth tugging at the shell of his ear. Her body felt so soft and pliant against his and part of him wanted to take his time with her—watch her come undone with his tongue and then his fingers and then maybe his tongue again, because after he had gotten a taste of her on her birthday, he had been craving it more.

But he was feeling a bit selfish, and he wanted her pussy clenching around him _yesterday_.

"Hold on," Jace murmured before he sadly took one hand away from where it was resting on her hip and reached into the drawer beside the bed. He pulled out a strip of condoms and ripped one of the end before tossing the others away and putting it on the duvet cover beside them.

He was glad that this was happening when neither of them were drunk or high.

He honestly thought that their first time would be after they had smoked a couple of bongs. Sometimes when she leaned over with her eyes darkened and she pursed her lips slightly, and then pressed her mouth to his to blow the smoke into his own mouth, he wanted to lace his fingers through her hair and pull her in and kiss her properly. She would have been putty in his hands if he did that. But he had pulled back every time, never taking that last step.

And it was a good thing as well, because this was better.

"You're thinking too hard again," Clary mumbled as she nipped playfully at his lower lip. Jace shouldn't be surprised at that. She joked around and teased him a lot, never really taking much seriously, and he wouldn't want her any other way in bed. Maybe that had also been another reason why it had been so hard over these past few weeks since everything had happened with Isabelle and then seeing her at Magnus' party. The seriousness in her expression—the hurt in her eyes—Jace had never seen it before. It just wasn't the Clary that he recognized. "You're still doing it," Clary whispered, weaving her fingers into his hair and giving it a bit of a tug.

The slight pain of her pulling at his roots went straight down to his cock and Clary obviously felt it as it pulsed against her lower stomach. She grinned devilishly and did it again, harder this time, and Jace couldn't stop his groan. Clary reached beside them, picking up the condom and ripping the wrapper and then carefully taking it in her hands. She shimmied back a little on Jace's thighs so that she could roll the latex covering over his cock and then lifted up on her knees. Jace's hands went with her, resting on her hips, not holding her tightly but guiding her movements just a little.

"Come on, baby," Jace murmured to her as he pushed down just a little on her hips. Clary's eyes managed to stay open as she began sliding downward, until his cock breached her and started filling her, then her green eyes were rolling backwards in her hair. Pleasure sparked through Jace's legs at the feeling of Clary's heat surrounding him, but he refused to shut his eyes and miss the way her face contorted in the dim light coming through the window. Her eyes were shut and quivering behind her eyelids and her mouth fell open, revealing the tips of her white teeth and the tip of her tongue resting against them. When she finally fell all the way down, her firm ass on his thighs and his cock fully inside her, a shudder ran through her and he felt it run through his own body in response.

" _Fu-uck_ ," Clary groaned out after a few moments of staying still and so Jace gently thrust upwards, into her. One hand left her hip to stroke up and down her back, and she shivered again. He already knew how much she loved it when he played with her hair, given she would sometimes get him to do it when they were high, and so he pulled lightly at the thick red strands that were falling down her back. He held her close, her breasts pressed against his bare chest and his hands hard against her soft skin.

They moved together, rising and falling, their bodies slowly slicking with sweat as they quickened their pace. It was by no means fast, just quicker than it had been moving before. Clary would lift herself up, until the head of his cock had almost completely left her warmth, and then she slid back down. Their sighs were thick and the smell of sex was even thicker in the air around them.

"Shit, shit, shit," Jace began chanting softly under his breath because he knew that he was perilously close to the edge. It really had been a long time since he had slept with anyone, given how fast this had gotten him to the cusp of his orgasm, but he also wasn't an idiot. He knew that it was the fact it was _her_.

"Yeah?" Clary let out a tinkling laugh as she nudged his nose with her own and then pressed a kiss to his perfect top lip and then started moving faster. She knew that he was right there, so close to his orgasm, and she was riding him with intent, to push him over the cliff. In no way was Jace going before her so he reached between them and rubbed her clit in tight, hard circles and listened to her pants and moans. They were like a melody that he would replay over and over again and when he felt her gush all over his cock and lower stomach, he was right there with her.

 **Songs that I recommend are _Die A Little_ by Yungblud, _Teeth_ by 5SOS, _Love Myself_ by Olivia O'Brien and _Middle Finger_ by Bohnes, all of which have just been on repeat for the past week or so. Also, my husband is completely obsessed with _Motivation_ by Normani and _Slide Away_ by Miley Cyrus, so I've been hearing those a lot recently as well. Lol.**

 **I've been fighting this cold/flu/virus things for moooonths now, and I took a day off work coz it hit hard and I was feeling sorry for myself and I just spent it watching fluffy movies that make me happy. Haha. _Footloose_ , the original one, of course, even though I don't mind the new one. _A Cinderella Story, Ever After, Raise Your Voice, Centre Stage: Turn It Up, What A Girl Wants, The Prince & Me, 13 Going On 30 _and _High School Musical_ so those are my recommendations!**

 **Okay, so questions—how many of you guys are planning on getting Disney+? Haha. It's just been announced that it _will_ be getting released in New Zealand, which we were worried it wouldn't be because so many streaming services aren't. But it's gonna be here in November and me and my partner are _psyched_! Haha.**

 **Is everyone else heartbroken about the Sony/Marvel breakdown? Honestly, my heart goes out to Tom Holland the most, because he has done such an incredible job. There's always going to be a special place in my heart for the OG Spiderman, but there's just something about Tom's version, he was fucking amazing and had so much heart, and I'm just _so upset_ that there isn't going to be more of him in this verse. He seemed so heart broken at D23. Poor baby :(**

 **Last one! Anyone watch performances at the VMAs? I honestly kind of think the VMAs/Oscars/The Golden Globes yadda yadda yadda are pretty bullshit, pretty biased, so I don't pay too much attention to the nominations and the winners, but I live for the outfits and the, like, two or three performances from artists I like. Lizzo and Missy Elliott were fucking _amazing_ , and I screamed when Alyson Stoner came out on stage. Miley Cyrus' performance was totally heart breaking, so fucking good. And Halsey and Jonathan Van Ness were my stand out outfits! Oh also—Joe and Nick Jonas and Sophie Turner's reactions to Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes not kissing in their set was fucking hilarious. Let's face it, I think anything involving Sophie is hilarious—did you guys see her pasta related Instagram story? Ahahahaha. She's amazing.**

 **Drop a review, let me know what you think, love you lots x**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey, guys! Before getting into it, I want to recommend some of my favourite songs as of late... _Undrunk_ by Fletcher. _Dance Monkey_ by Tones and I. And then of course _Kill My Mind_ by the beautiful Louis Tomlinson and _Lights Up_ by the just as beautiful Harry Styles, although the _Lights Up_ music video was an experience and a half, especially while high. _Pretending_ and _Honest_ by Mali Koa are just beautiful. Then _Promise Me_ by Badflowers, which...Made my heart hurt when I heard the song, and then when I watched the video, I cried for the next hour. Yeah. I just wanted to share some happy things, since my note down the end isn't as happy, I guess. Anyway. On with the story x**

Jace had thought that Clary had fallen asleep once they had both cleaned up, given how quiet she was in the bed next to him. But when he had said her name softly, she had replied, her voice wide awake. And they had talked until Jace had checked his phone and seen that it was after four o'clock and reluctantly said that they had better get some sleep.

Or, at least, Clary had talked.

It seemed as though she had been completely satisfied with what he had told her before they had gotten into bed together, as though she had completely forgiven him. He really wasn't sure if the explanation was worth it, given how hurt she had looked before, but he was glad.

She talked about the show case that night, and how nervous she had been. She caught him up on everything that had happened in her life since they had parted ways, and although she prefaced it by saying that really _nothing_ had happened, because she had been so focused on her art and practically _drowned_ in it, she still managed to talk for nearly an hour straight. There was a new band that she had discovered, Highly Suspect, and she gushed about how she couldn't believe that she hadn't listened to them earlier. Apparently they had been on repeat almost the whole time they had been apart. There was also the soundtrack to _High School Musical_ that she had downloaded and Jace couldn't help but snort at that, but Clary didn't take offence. She stuck her tongue out at him for a split second before going right back to talking.

It was only after that hour had passed, and he had checked the time on his phone, that he admitted something that maybe he should have said when he had run down his whole life to her out in the lounge.

That the first time he had ever really paid attention to her had been the showcase he had gone to last year.

Jace had been worried that she might find it weird.

Weird that the first time he had ever really paid attention to her was when she had been wearing a short blue dress and biting the corner of her thumb nervously as people appraised the work that she had done.

And weird that he hadn't mentioned it to her before, that he had known who she was three months before she had shown up on his doorstep to buy weed.

 **Alright, so, obviously I didn't update last month. My bad. I'm in a pretty shitty spot, to be honest, mentally and physically and I've just got a lot going on right now. I'm still dealing with the abrupt loss of a family member and the fall out of that on my family and recently my husband has had a colleague take his life, which has brought up a lot for him. We're going to be okay, we're dealing with things, but I just need to take a breath right now. When I am in front of my computer and I'm actually focused enough to write, I'm not sticking to the schedules that I had before and I'm just writing what I really feel like which unfortunately hasn't been these stories. So I'm just...Gonna take a step back for a bit.**

 **You guys are all beautiful, and I'll be back soon, I just need a bit of a breather to re-centre myself.**

 **Since updating last, it has been World Coming Out Day and World Mental Health Day and I just wanted to say to anyone dealing with mental health issues and anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, whether you are out and loud or still processing things internally, you are all beautiful and deserve love and kindness. Just because I'm going to be away for a little bit, doesn't mean I'm unreachable, feel free to message me on my socials or on here if anyone ever wants to just chat, even if it's just about movies or songs, we all need to look after ourselves first, and then one another.**

 **Much love xx**

 **Tumblr: SereneCalamity**  
 **Twitter: CalamitySerene**

He had seen her when she had come into his club and he had watched her as she danced and laughed with her friend, and he had been completely caught off guard when she had shown up at his place.

Clary's mouth dropped when he made his admission to her but she hadn't called it out. Maybe it was because he had already bared so much to her, revealed a whole part of his life that she had never known before—although in all fairness, she hadn't known much about him to begin with. She had reached over and given him a hard kiss on the mouth, as though to assure him that everything was okay, and then she started talking about the exams that she had coming up, as though nothing had ever happened.

* * *

A few days went by and Clary was in her shared apartment with Simon, studying, with music playing on their TV in the corner of the room. Simon was at his internship, Lydia was at work and Raphael was at a study group at the University's library. She didn't mind being alone in the apartment, since she still had three exams left for the year. There were only two weeks left and she was currently on study leave, with her first exam was next week, and then once they were over, she was _done_ , and she really wanted that to come around soon.

Her and Lydia had applied for a couple of summer jobs in town and they had heard back from two of them, which they had interviews for in the weekend. They were aiming to try and get a job together, to make time go faster. She was going to go back home for two weeks at the end of summer break to spend with her mum and Luke, and Jocelyn was coming up for a few days in the middle to see Clary.

She couldn't wait for the school year to finish, especially in the past month or so it had been stressful, getting ready for the art exhibit, and she was _still_ stressed about that, since their final grade wasn't going to be posted for another six weeks. Going into the University to study every other day still made her stressed because she had to go by the studio, and she wondered what she was going to get as her final grade. Even though Dot had always been helpful and obviously liked her work, it didn't instantly mean that she was going to get a good grade.

Next year was her last year doing her actual art degree and then came the hard part. Her mother sold her art for a living, showing it in different exhibits as well as doing it for some private studios who had requests. But while Jocelyn was extremely talented, Clary knew how hard it could be to make it in that world, because of how many artists there were out there, and how many of them were incredibly talented and _still_ struggled to make a living.

Clary had thought about it before, and talked about it with Simon and her mother, about doing another year after her art degree, in teaching. She had loved her high school art teacher, and even though there were kids who took advantage of the easy going class, it was a safe place for so many others. So she had thought about becoming an art teacher, although she hadn't made up her mind yet. Honestly, the idea of doing another year at school kind of sounded like a nightmare.

It was almost two in the afternoon when there was a knock at the door. She glanced up with a frown, given most people didn't knock when they came over, since their only visitors were generally their friends who just opened the door and walked right in. She had been chewing down on the end of her pen and pulled it out of her mouth, dropping it to the chipped coffee table she was working at, and got up, walking over to the door. Clary opened it up and then blinked at who was standing there.

Isabelle.

She looked well put together, in a pair of dark coloured fitted pants and high heels that rivaled the height of heels that Kaelie would wear and a dark purple blouse. Maybe she had just come from work at the accounting firm —with Simon —since it was so warm that no one was wearing long pants and a long sleeved shirt _by choice_. But despite her flawless make up, there was a nervous tightness to the corner of her mouth as Clary met her eyes.

"Hi," Isabelle stated, and to her credit, the nervousness didn't come through in her voice.

"Hi," Clary returned with a small nod, not too sure what was happening here. If Isabelle had come from work, then she had to know that Simon wasn't at the apartment. She didn't even know if her and Simon were still seeing each other outside of work, because Simon had been pretty pissed off the last couple of times she had been brought up in conversation. "How can I help you?" Clary asked, deciding that was as good a place as any to start.

"I was..." Isabelle trailed off and swallowed hard. "Can I come in?" Clary hesitated before sighing and shrugging as she stepped aside and Isabelle came in. The dark haired girl looked around the small lounge and Clary wondered if she was judging them on the apartment size. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was her home and Isabelle was in no way in her good books and in a position to criticize it. Isabelle took a seat on the couch and Clary sat down on the arm chair, waiting for her to talk. "I owe you an apology," Isabelle began and Clary was surprised.

"Yeah, you do," Clary said evenly, because Isabelle was right, she did. Isabelle looked taken aback by her words and then let out a snort and shook her head, a small smile on her dark red painted lips.

"Jace is like my big brother, like Alec," Isabelle said. "And he got screwed over really badly by a girl that he loved—that we _all_ loved. And it fucked him up for a while."

"I heard," Clary told her, her voice still even, not giving Isabelle any sign of budging or forgiving her before she actually got the words 'I'm sorry' out.

"Yeah, he told me that he told you," Isabelle murmured and drew in a deep breath through her nose. "Look, it wasn't anything against _you_ as a person," she began. "I don't even know you enough to have a personal opinion of you!" That was definitely something they could both agree on, but it didn't make it okay. "I just get protective over Jace, and I kind of get fired up about _anyone_ that he's into. I guess maybe it's also because I feel as though Maia tricked me as well, you know? I thought she was this absolutely amazing person and it turned out that she wasn't...Or maybe she was and she just got caught up in a shitty situation, but what she _did_ was a dick move." Clary blinked at Isabelle and the dark haired girl took in a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say, is that I get nervous when there's a new girl around Jace, and I get nervous when I see how much they like him and when I get nervous I get aggressive and I act like a—"

"A bitch?" Clary supplied with an arch of her eyebrow and Isabelle let out another laugh.

"Yeah, that's probably the only word for it," she murmured.

"Oh, there's definitely more," Clary told her airily. "I'm just too polite to use them." Isabelle smiled and shrugged.

"At the end of the day, I just want to say I'm sorry," she concluded. "It wasn't right what I said about you in Jace's apartment, or the way I acted at Magnus' party. I can't say I'm never gonna act like a bitch again, given it seems like we're going to be seeing each other a lot more coz Jace seems pretty serious about you and acting like a bitch is sometimes just my default setting, but I'll try not?" It wasn't totally comforting but at least it was honest, Clary allowed.

"Okay," the redhead nodded. "I wouldn't do anything to hurt Jace..." she trailed off for a moment, thinking about how Isabelle had said that Jace was serious about her. Despite everything they had talked about, they hadn't quite cemented where they were in their relationship with one another. "And I can understand why you feel protective. So...All is forgiven, I guess," she gave a one shouldered shrug, not too sure what else there is to say. Isabelle nodded her head a few times and then got up.

"I'll, uh, I'll leave you to get back to your studying," Isabelle said, looking down at the books that were spread out over the coffee table. "Simon mentioned that you guys all had your final exams coming up." So maybe her and Simon _were_ still talking.

"Isabelle?" Clary called out as the older woman opened up the front door and was about to step back. She looked back at the redhead and Clary gave her a small smile. "Thank you for—for coming by." Isabelle looked relieved as she smiled again.

"I'll see you around?" She sounded slightly hopeful and it made Clary's smile easier, more genuine.

"Yeah," she responded.


End file.
